There´s a first for all of us
by LitGG1982
Summary: two lost souls, a one night stand, could it be more? LIT! review please, chapter22 up,warning for language and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Let's pretend Rory and Jess have never met before, she is in her last year of Yale and lives with Lane in a small apartment in New Haven where Lane rehearses with her band.**

**Pairing: Jess/ Rory, Lane/Dave, Luke/Lorelai… other characters are in it too.**

**Warning: Rory is slightly OOC, she's more reckless, some might say wilder.**

**Disclaimer: no, I don't own them**

Rory's POV:

The first thing that came to my mind when I opened my eyes this very morning was:

"Oh my god, this is what hell must feel like" I quickly shut my eyes, making the world go dark again, I welcomed the darkness and tried to drift off again which was difficult since I tried to figure out what had happened last night. I remember Logan, a bar, shots, a fight, and parts of a conversation which made no sense at all to me now. I concentrated harder, trying to fill the blanks; that had never happened to me before in my whole life. I always had been perfect, perfect grades, perfect manners, always eager to achieve the goals in my life that other people had chosen for me. I groaned frustrated but no sound came out, my mouth was dry and I couldn't make myself to get up to pour me some water.

Suddenly it all came back to me: my parting line to Logan: _have a nice life! _I had left him standing in the middle of some bar,had turned on my heels and had walked out of his life.

I shifted in my position and gave up on sleep; another inaudible groan escaped my mouth. I rolled over and suddenly bumped into someone. Even in my post drunken state of mind I realized that there was someone next to me in my bed, someone who definitely wasn't supposed to be there. My eyes shot open. Oh nononononono, this person definitely wasn't supposed to be lying next to me. _Naked_. Was I naked as well? I travelled down my body that was fully covered by my blanket which apparently I had wrapped tightly around me during the night. Nope, no clothes. None at all. My mind raced, how and when and most importantly who? I took a deep breath and tried to work up the courage to move so I would get a reaction out of the body lying next to me. I took in my surroundings; I was in my room, that's always a plus, right? I mean, it would be really embarrassing if I was lying in someone else's bed. I scanned my book shelves, yes, my room indeed. My eyes caught the waste basket next to my bed; a used condom was carelessly hanging over the edge, at least we had been safe. Another plus in my book. The guy I had apparently spent the night with was sleeping with his back facing me, very romantic, but in the back of my mind I reminded me that there was nothing romantic about this situation. I carefully lifted my hand and shook him lightly. I got a grunt of acknowledgement out of him.

"Sorry?" I spoke up quietly and when he wouldn't answer I tried again.

I poked his shoulder.

"Sorry!" I cleared my throat and my body suddenly screamed for water, hydration.

The body moved, slowly and I couldn't help but congratulate me on the choice I had made. Definitely well built.

"Yeah?" the person rubbed his eyes and rolled over so he was facing me.

I swallowed as my gaze met his.

"Would it be totally inappropriate to ask who you are?" I was met by a smirk and I couldn't help but chuckle at how ridiculous this all seemed to be. I covered my eyes with my hands in embarrassment.

"Boy, my mom would be so proud of me." Now, it was his time to chuckle slightly.

"Somehow I doubt this." The reply came from the still unknown guy in front of me. I liked his voice, laced with sleep. I shivered.

Suddenly he extended his arm, shaking my hand.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jess. Jess Mariano." I shook his hand and started laughing.

"Man, normal people would have had this conversation before…." I trailed off, suddenly embarrassed to continue.

"Before ripping off each other's clothes? Where's the fun in that?" I stared at him, not believing how coolly he was taking this whole situation. I withdrew my hand, getting ready to get up. I hesitated and looked at him again.

"I, huh, I assume you have already seen most of it, but could you still please turn around while .." I trailed off again, gesticulating with my hands which was quite a difficult task for I was still holding tightly on to the blanket that covered most of my body. He rolled over again, his back facing me once again, and I couldn't help but wonder why I missed his gaze already.

"sure." I got up quickly, too quickly as I stumbled over my purse lying on the ground.

"You okay?" I heard his distant voice and I just nodded until I realized he couldn't see me.

"Yep, I'm fine. Quite embarrassed but fine." I got dressed in no time and suddenly felt better, I felt like I was in charge of things now, since he was still lying naked on my bed.

I went to the door, turning around.

"So, I really don't know how to handle the situation, should I ask you if you wanted coffee, breakfast? A hole to disappear into? An easy way out?" I didn't wait for an answer, but quickly left the room. I shut the door behind me and let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding.

Lane was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.

"Hey Ror´" she didn't even look up when she heard me enter the kitchen.

"So, everything's fine between you and lover boy? "She chuckled slightly.

"I mean those headphones sure were god sent last night."

I plopped down on the chair, taking a sip from the water bottle.

"Sorry" I apologized; not really knowing what else there was to say.

Lane looked up from the paper when the door to my room cracked, signalizing that someone was about to enter the kitchen. White, this was what came to my mind when I saw Lane's reaction. White, no colour in her usually red cheeked face, hands trembling as she put down the news paper, suddenly not interested anymore in what was going on in the world.

The guy, Jess was standing awkwardly in the common room that separated my room from the kitchen, hands in his pockets. I jumped up, knocking down my cup on the way.

"Jess." I started, the name sounding unfamiliar on my tongue. I swallowed and sighed at the same time.

"Jess, meet Lane. Lane Jess." I introduced the two of them as if it was the most normal thing in the world. It may have been for others, but it definitely was a first for me.

Jess nodded his head and Lane seemed to be in a loss of words.

"So, I know the name of your friend who I suppose is your roommate, but I still don't know yours." I blushed and dropped my head. I could practically feel Lane's gaze on my back.

"I, ahm, I, huh." Nice full sentence, way to go for English major.

Apparently Lane had found her voice again and felt quite entertained by this.

"Jess, meet Rory, Rory Jess." She gesticulated between him and me and smirked.

Jess pointed to the door.

"I guess, I should go. It was nice meeting you, Lane. Rory." He nodded again and I still words failed me.

"Rory enjoyed meeting you too, Jess." Lane definitely was getting too much fun out of this.

Once he was out of the door and out of the apartment, I spoke up:

"Not a word!" I shot at Lane and burst out laughing.

**So, what do you think? I know they all seem totally OOC, but this just popped into my head, tell me what you think, please review, it'll make my day. You know you want to. Tell me if I should continue. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for your reviews, you guys deserve a shout out: PAM HALLIWELL, EFKA, E.DELAMER, ORANGE PUNK! Thanks again!**

**Rory's POV (once again, tell me if I should change it…)**

Once Lane had finally stopped babbling about _the hot mysterious sexy guy_ as she referred to Jess, I made my way over to the library so I could study in peace. I still felt this throbbing ache in my temples which reminded me never, and I mean never to drink again. Vodka was hell sent, it made you do things you wouldn't do in ordinary life, like having sex with a stranger. Though I kind of felt bad, it left an exciting aftertaste in my mouth. Sex. With a stranger. It wasn't that I had cheated on Logan, after all, I had broken up with him the night before; I had, hadn't I? The words started to blur in front of my eyes and I took this as a sign that I needed to get food. I sighed and contemplated about whether to go home and risk the fact that I wouldn't find anything to eat in our kitchen except a half full bag of chips or if I actually should dare catching food poisoning by eating in the Yale dining hall. I finally decided on the latter. I got up and gathered my things and walked over to the dining hall where various students were seated, chatting happily about the important and non important things in life. My mood dropped when I realized that I had no one to sit with, I mean, I had friends, but most of them didn't go to Yale, I was living with my best friend who had this crazy idea in her head about becoming a famous rock star, which I didn't doubt at all she would achieve one day. I made a note to myself to remind her that I wanted to be mentioned in the credits, along with Jesus, right above David Bowie for inspiring her. I smiled to myself as I remembered the good old days when Lane and I would be sitting in my house, listening to music and mocking said Bowie in his tights. That what it had been about then, our dreams, our goals in life, only interrupted by my crazy mother, who as surprising as it might sound was my best friend as well.

I loaded my plate with all kinds of stuff that Luke would not approve of and sat down at the nearest table. Normally I would be sitting with Logan and his friends, but that was so not an option anymore, I mean really, it hadn't really been one to start with. Sure, it had been fun at first, but along the way I had realized that that was all it had been about. Fun, action…. I wanted more, I don't know, I think I might be a sucker for romance.

I heard footsteps approaching and I instantly looked up. Speak of the devil. There he was, Logan, stone cold expression, his blonde hair sticking up as if he just had gotten up.

"Well, well, well, look who's here, Ace." His voice was laced with sarcasm and bitterness, but deep down inside I knew that he was hurt; hurt, because for the first time, he got rejected by a girl.

"Logan" I acknowledged his presence, after all we had been together for almost six months.

"You know, I was wondering when you would come around, calling me, begging me to take you back…." I took a deep breath.

"What makes you think I want you back, Logan?" I asked and looked him straight in the eye.

He seemed as if he was thinking about what I had said, but suddenly sat down next to me and spoke up.

"Come on, Rory. I get it, you wanted to scare me here for a minute, it had been fun at first, but now it just gets ridiculous." I sighed.

"It's over, Logan. I told you last night and I stick to my decision." He chuckled slightly.

"Yeah, right." I looked at him unbelievingly. He didn't take me serious, now that I thought about it, had he ever? I shook my head and got up, trying to get away from Logan.

"You know what? I gotta go, see ya!" I turned on my heels and left the dining hall in a hurry.

Once outside I went straight to the coffee cart, I needed caffeine, maybe an axe as well, just in case.

"One coffee to go, please, and make it strong." The guy behind the cart didn't even blink; apparently he was used to that.

When I finally was handed a cup that contained the elixir of life as my mom would put it so nicely, I turned around and bumped into someone, splashing the coffee all over my white shirt.

"Shit. Shit. Shit.shit." I exclaimed and I even surprised myself with my choice of words, not noticing the hot liquid on my skin.

I finally looked up and another exhausted "shit" escaped my mouth while I was staring into deep brown eyes. Jess, no, a smirking Jess.

"Well, I tend to piss people off apparently." Was his reply to my outburst? Silence. Long silence.

" I, I mean, not, I didn't mean you, it's just that I really needed that coffee, you see I am 80 percent caffeine and 20 percent sugar and …." I looked down, suddenly not knowing what to do with my hands.

"And you really needed that coffee?" he finished my sentence, ever so slightly mocking me at the same time. I chuckled.

"Yeah, I really needed it." When I wouldn't continue, he started to turn around.

"Hey, Jess?" why the hell did I call him back? He turned around once again; an expecting expression on his face, the early spring sun caught in his eyes and made them nearly green in shape. I walked over to where he was standing and fumbled with my hands.

"I…" I took a deep breath.

"You?" his expression was unreadable.

"I just want you to know, that … I mean, the thing is, I normally don't act like that. You know, last night, it was a first for me actually." When I realized what I had said, I started again, interrupting his thoughts.

"No, that came out totally wrong. It wasn't my first time, I mean, I lost my virginity to my married ex boyfriend a long time ago, I just meant that I normally just don't …. I don't know, would sleeping around be the right term?" I ran out of breath and turned a million shades of red, I started sweating. Jess stared at me with an amused smile on his face.

I rubbed my temples.

"Oh boy, I didn't just say what I think I said, right?" two million shades of red.

"Yep, you did. "He smirked at me but stopped when he sensed my discomfort. I turned around, ready to run and never look back.

"I have to go die now, sorry." I mumbled under my breath.

Now it was his turn to call out my name.

"Hey Rory?" I contemplated just ignoring his voice, I had already made a fool out of myself, but something forced me to turn around to face him. I expected a knowing smirk, but his face was blank. He extended his hand.

"I'm Jess. I saw you spilled your coffee earlier and I wondered if you wanted to get a new one. I know a place." I dropped my head and let my hair fall into my face, covering the astounded expression on my face. Two could play the game. I shook his hand, and the warmth of his skin spread through my body.

"Jess, huh?" I smiled and he smiled back and we silently agreed on starting all over again.

"Isn't that a girl's name?" I continued and welcomed his chuckle as the warm feeling continued to float through my entire body.

"Well, I am man enough to overlook this comment. So what do you think? Coffee?"

I nodded my head.

"Sounds good enough." And we started to leave the campus together.

We were walking closely, but not as close so that our arms would touch.

"So, I didn't quite catch your name." he broke the silence and I was grateful for the distraction.

"Oh, sorry, I'm Rory. Rory Gilmore. Lorelai to be exact, my mom named me after her, while being high on Demerol. I still don't know what she had been thinking, but she always says that men do it all the time, so why shouldn't she, right? I mean, she is …." Jess once again interrupted my rant.

"Breath, Rory, breath." We fell in a comfortable silence.

When we reached the small café, Jess held the door open for me and let me enter first, placing his hand on the small of my back as I brushed past him. This time I couldn't deny the shiver that shot through my body.

We sat down at a small table in the back and occupied our hands with the menu.

We both ordered a cup of coffee and stared at our hands. I finally decided to take this into my own hands.

"So, Jess, I haven't seen you around, you're new at Yale?" he nodded, playing with the napkin in front of him.

"Yep, I transferred." I chuckled.

"Not a man of many words, huh?" he smirked.

"That's part of my mystery." I leaned back in my seat and met his gaze only for a second; I couldn't hold back the smile that was starting to spread all over my face.

"So, transferred? Where from?"

"UCLA" I laughed.

"You don't strike me as a Californian guy, not to mention LA." He seemed to be deep in thoughts.

"My Dad lives there, I stayed with him the last couple of years." He hesitated as if he wasn't sure if he should share this with me.

"That's nice." Silence.

"Depends on your definition of nice, but okay." I nodded, letting go of the subject.

"So, Mariano, huh?" too late I realized that I had destroyed our pretending game, I wasn't supposed to know his last name. I shot him a look to see if he had realized it. He smirked, he had realized, but he didn't catch up on it.

"Yep, Mariano." I nodded.

"Sounds Italian." Now it was his time to nod.

"It is." Simple, short answer and I was dying to find out all about this mysterious guy sitting in front of me. He looked at me and continued.

"My grandfather is Italian, from Palermo." My eyes lit up.

"Oh, I've been to Palermo, it's beautiful there, isn't it?" suddenly he seemed less tense.

"Yeah, I spent my senior year of high school with my grandparents in Palermo, you know, getting to know the roots." I laughed.

"My mom and I travelled around Europe before I started Yale, the whole package, Backpacks and youth hostels. We had so much fun. We stayed in Palermo for about three days and then we went back to Paris." I stopped before I started ranting again.

"Sounds like fun. Although the idea of spending more than a week with my mother doesn't sound too appealing to me." I congratulated myself silently, he was opening up.

"My mom is my best friend, she had me when she was sixteen, I guess it has to do with this whole age thing. I grew up having my best friend around all the time, well there was the one time when she pulled the mom card but other than that…" I trailed off, being satisfied with myself. Suddenly my cell phone started ringing, _suffragette city_ floating through the room.

I shot an apologetic glance in Jess's direction and picked it up.

"_Rory? Where are you?" _my mom and she sounded stressed.

"I'm having coffee, what's up, mom?" Jess leaned back in his seat as if he was trying to give me some privacy.

"_Rory, it's Friday, ring any bell?" _oh shoot!

"Oh shoot, mom, I totally forgot, I'm on my way, promise me not to kill Grandma while you're alone with her, Rory's gonna be there soon."

"Hurry_ though, I might not be able to keep that promise, and Luke is depriving me of coffee, short, I am desperate." _I chuckled and ended the conversation. Jess looked at me questionably.

" sorry, I totally forgot, I'm having dinner with my grandparents tonight, well not just tonight, but every Friday until the day I die, and I was having fun talking to you and I forgot about it, but now I have to get there, cause my mom wouldn't be able to stand dinner alone with her parents, and .." Jess's chuckle interrupted me.

"Rory, it's okay." Is it I asked silently?

"I'll find a way to entertain myself." This statement got to me, what if he was referring to last night's entertainment, what if he was spending the night with some girl. Would he take her out for coffee tomorrow as well? But most importantly, why did I even care? As if he was reading my mind, he continued.

"I have to study anyhow, Professor McGillan is a bitch." I let out a relieved sigh, trying to sound nonchalant. I searched in my purse for my money, but Jess just shook his head.

"it's on me." I got up and gathered my things.

"thanks" and before I knew it, I was leaning over him, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"see ya, Jess Mariano, it was nice meeting you." Before he had the time to respond I ran out of the café.

All the way to Hartford I was smiling like a maniac. Mom would be proud of me.

**So, what do you think? Good, bad, review guys, it'll make my day. seriously I'm not the one to beg normally, but well, normality is overrated, right? Thanks for reading. Oh, I forgot to point out, that English wasn't my native language, not even second, so please be gentle. But review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for your kind words, it made my day really. Anyhow as I have promised PamHalliwell, this chapter is dedicated to her. Thank you all guys, you are awesome!**

**I forgot the disclaimer the last time: no, I don't own them, never have, never will….**

**Rating: T may go up though, since I'm writing an adult fic, well, that's what I keep telling myself at least! **

**Rory's POV:**

We were sitting in the Gilmore's dining room, unidentified stuff on my plate. I tried my best just to swallow the food, but not chew it at the same time, which appeared to be quite difficult as I started choking for the third time. My mom laughed, my grandparents eyed me curiously.

"Rory, really, you should take smaller bites." My grandfather told me.

"I can't help it, I'm super hungry today, and this" I gesticulated on my plate, "tastes delicious."

"I'm glad you like it, I was sceptical at first, but then my new cook convinced me to try brain." I heard my mom take in a deep breath, soon followed by a spitting sound.

"And on that note, I'm not hungry anymore." My mom looked disgusted on her plate and seemed to be getting sick.

"Lorelai, really! You act like a five year old. Just eat up please, as Rory said this is delicious!"

My mom's eyes went wide.

"Yeah, right, I want you to mention that in my eulogy; because I think I'm gonna die from this. I heard mad cow disease is really big in Europe." I chuckled and pushed my plate away from me.

"Mom, read a paper, it's the bird flu, mad cow disease is so last season." My mom gasped.

"I had chicken last night, why didn't I know about that." She placed her hand on her forehead, sighing dramatically.

"I think, I'm burning up, I have a very high fever!"

"Lorelai, this is enough, I want us all to enjoy this night, it seems like ages since we've had dinner together." I rolled my eyes discretely.

"Grandma, we had dinner last Friday, it's not that long time ago."

My mom mumbled under her breath something a long the line:

"And this is the last time, I swear, you wanna kill me."

Grandma ignored her and turned her attention to me.

"So, Rory!" my head shot up.

"Yes, grandma?" her eyes lit up.

"How is Yale?"

"Good, same old, they sure teach me a lot." I felt like this was not the answer my grandmother had been hoping to get.

"So, you have any male friends?" I swallowed thinking of Jess and the recent events. I felt my cheeks burning. I wouldn't be lying if I told her no, right? I mean, Jess was not really my friend.

"Well, no, not really. I mean, I know a couple of guys who I study with, but no, no male friends at all." My mom eyed me curiously as she scanned my blushing face.

She mouthed silently: "we talk about this later!"

"That's just wrong, Rory. When was the last time you went out on a date?" I blushed again, harder this time.

"Grandma, I'm not really comfortable talking about this, I mean, it's not that I don't date, it's just …" Grandma nodded angrily.

"It's just that you don't wanna share it with us!" my mom took this as her sign to butter in.

"So, mom, brain, huh? Delicious!" when Grandma ignored her once again, she continued.

"Should I dye my hair? I hear green is the colour of the month. Wouldn't it bring out my eyes?"

"Lorelai, grow up, please, you're making a fool of yourself." Mom looked at me apologetically and shut up, finishing her wine with a large gulp. I was on my own in this.

"No, grandma, it's not like I don't share things with you, is it? I came here for the last six, what seven years and I shared everything with you. I'm a grown woman; I can handle things on my own." Grandma sighed.

"Fine, be that way, sorry that I'm interested in my granddaughter's life."

The rest of the dinner there was an awkward silence around us, and as my mom and I finally closed the door behind us, I let out a frustrated and at the same time relieved sigh.

"So, Rory, that was….nice." Mom slapped my back proudly and went to her car. She turned around.

"See ya at home, hon?" I nodded.

"Yep, there's something I have to tell you, but I have to get back to school tonight."

When I pushed open the door to the house, I smelt food. Chinese food to be more exact.

When my mom spotted me she exclaimed.

"I can't believe they made us eat brain, I mean hello? Is she insane? It's like this whole liver thing all over again, but only... worse."

I plopped down next to her on the couch.

"So, you wanna tell me why you blew up at grandma like that?" something inside of me snapped, I needed to get it in the open.

"I slept with a guy." Simple statement.

"Huh! Segue's not your thing, huh?" I blushed.

"You wanna hear about it? And you have to promise me not to say a thing until I'm finished."

She just stared.

"Mom!" no answer, so I tried again.

"MOM!" I exclaimed and this seemed to shake her up.

"Yes, I'm here and yes I wanna hear all about it, well maybe not all, but you know the basics, no details though." She rambled. Like mother like daughter. I laughed.

"You promise to let me finish? No kissing noises, no whatsoever?" she nodded and bit her lip.

"okay, so I was at some bar with Logan, and we got into a huge fight, I don't know, I guess, I was getting fed up with his non-stop partying, with this not taking me seriously thing, so I kinda broke it up with him." I swallowed; it was actually for the first time I confessed this to anyone, not even Lane I realized in horror. It felt good saying it out loud.

As I retold mom the story of Jess, my smile grew bigger and finally had reached my eyes when I was telling her about our coffee date. When I was finished, I looked at my mom with expecting eyes, ready to be judged. Mom smiled at me, a real smile, making her eyes seem nearly light blue.

"Dirty!" was all she said, then she tackled me on the ground, squealing ever so often. My mom was weird and I loved her for it.

When we both were out of breath, we sat back on the couch, breathing deeply.

"So, what now?" the question I had feared the most.

"I don't know, I just wanna see what's gonna happen, you know the whole living in the moment thing, and I don't really know him all that well, he could be a total jerk as far as I know." Mom smiled a knowing smile.

"Well, I mean, he seems to be good at least at one thing." I cracked, the whole bizarre situation suddenly felt even more bizarre. I burst out laughing and soon my mom was joining me.

When I got to my apartment that night, Lane was already waiting for me, holding a small package.

I eyed her questioningly and was about to ask her what she was holding, but she beat me to it.

"The guy, Jess dropped this off for you earlier. Anything you wanna tell me?" I shook my head and took the package out of her hand. A small note was attached to it.

_I have noticed you didn't have any of his books, I figured you might enjoy him, he's my favourite. Talk to you later hopefully, Jess._

_P.S. any chance you have read Ayn Rand? I have an essay due and I can't figure out what the hell she is talking about._

I clutched the book tightly to my chest and went to my room; I turned around once again, saying over my shoulder:

"Lane? I broke up with Logan by the way." I heard her squeal and suddenly I was pushed on the couch, followed by several bags of chips and red vines.

I locked eyes with her and we exclaimed at the same time:

"GIRLS NIGHT!"

**Sorry for the lack of Jess, but I promise the next chapter will have tons of Jess/Rory goodness! REVIEW PLEASE, seriously I need to know what you think. I'm a little insecure about the whole story and I just want to know if you're still reading this. I haven't gotten many reviews yet and it makes me wonder! Thanks for reading! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh boy, I never expected to get that many reviews, I mean I was grinning like a maniac all day, you guys are amazing, seriously you rock, my mother ( I stayed at my parents´ this weekend) actually came running when she heard me squeal because she thought something had happened to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH! **

**I didn't want to offend anyone with the way I made Rory and Jess meet, but I wanted to create a different world, also I'd like to mention that I don't encourage drinking or anything like that but it just fit and since I stopped being a teenager some time ago, I didn't think of it. Oh yeah, I don't own the Violent Femmes, but I love them! This chapter was supposed to be up days ago, but ff . net didn´t let me upload a new document!**

**Rory's POV: **

_When I'm out walking I strut my stuff yeah I'm so strung out  
I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out  
let me go on like I blister in the sun  
let me go on big hands I know your the one  
body and beats I stain my sheets I don't even know why  
my girlfriend she's at the end she is starting to cry  
let me go on like I blister in the sun  
let me go on big hands I know your the one_...

I shot up from sleep and took in my surroundings. I lazily turned around once more, trying to drift off again, no such luck. The Violent Femmes were making it impossible to go back to sleep and the volume didn't help either. I sighed, got up and walked out of my room into the common room. Yawning I entered the kitchen, dropping down on the nearest chair.

"Please, Lane, do you want to kill me? _Blister in the sun_ is like the coolest song ever, but did you have to turn it up so loudly?"

"You know, I blame the early morning that you mistook me for Lane, otherwise my male pride might really be damaged." I looked up, surprised to see Dave sitting in front of me, eating a bagel. My eyes lit up, I liked having him around. He was just as Lane part of Stars Hollow.

"Hey, Dave, sorry I didn't see you there. Where's Lane?" I scanned the room, looking for my best friend.

"Still asleep, I let myself in, and I figured waking up to the Violent Femmes would be cool." I stared at his shirt: _rock ´n´ roll, baby!_ He definitely lived by this motto.

He pointed to the common room where the remains of last night were still clearly visible.

"Girls night?" he asked knowingly. I just nodded, still not able to control my bodily functions.

He raised an eyebrow, turning white.

"I didn't do anything, did I?" I laughed despite my tiredness.

"What makes you think you did anything?" he shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, you had a girl's night, you ate unbelievable amounts of junk food and Lane's still asleep, she's not avoiding me, is she?" I smiled at how madly he still was in love with her, after all these years of the two being a couple.

"No, Dave, you didn't do anything, at least not that I know of, and she's not avoiding you, she just has a slightly higher tolerance level for blasting music." I chuckled as Dave sighed relieved.

"But" I continued "I broke up with Logan." Dave eyed me curiously and said something under his breath that nearly sounded like "finally".

"You okay?" I nodded.

"Don't act too upset, I know, you never really warmed up to him anyhow!" Dave chuckled.

"You want me to beat him up or something, not that I'd be capable of doing so, but just so you know, the offer stands. Ah the things I'd do for you." He sighed dramatically.

"Thanks, maybe I'll take you up on it later." Dave's eyes went wide.

"Does he work out?" I paused, I didn't really know the answer, I didn't know if Logan worked out; what did I know about him anyhow? I shook my head.

"I don't know really." And if Dave thought this was weird, he didn't let it show and I was glad for it. Lane took this as her sign to appear; she was the total opposite of me, she came dancing in the room, singing at the top of her lungs along with the Violent Femmes. She spotted Dave and came over to give him a quick kiss on the lips. Dave chuckled.

"Boy, I am so glad you're not the one for the vocals in our band, we'd suck big time." Lane slapped him lightly on the back and swirled around.

"You love me anyhow!" Dave smiled and nodded.

"What can I say? You caught me." She sat down next to me and took a bagel out of the basket. She took a bite and directed her attention to me.

"So? Read anything good lately?" she chuckled as I shot her a mean glance. Dave looked confused.

"Did I miss something?" I shrugged my shoulders and took a bagel myself and dipped it in my coffee.

"Rory's got a new male friend." Lane sang and I got smaller in my seat, after all these years still not comfortable with her openness. Dave protested:

"Hey, that's not fair, don't get me all started and then back off!"

"Dirty!" Lane and I exclaimed at the same time and continued eating.

Dave shook his head defeated and occupied himself with his breakfast.

After a while of comfortable silence I got up to get ready.

I walked into the library and took in the scent of the books. I took a deep breath, enjoying the fact that there were almost no students in here, after all it was Saturday. I subconsciously scanned my surrounding, hoping in the back of my mind to get a glimpse of dark hair. I had no idea why I even expected him to be here, but something about the book he had given me last night, made it all possible. I retreated to the back, ready to read for hours, ready to disappear into the world of images and possibilities. Maybe I tried too hard to concentrate, but I didn't understand a word of what I had been reading during the last hour and half. My mind drifted off ever so often to the mysterious guy that called Hemingway his favourite author. Well at least he had one. I finally was able to concentrate when something else caught my attention. A scent. A familiar one. A scent that gave me shivers and made my hair stand up on the back of my neck. I felt like an animal as I tried to sharpen my senses. The feeling got unbearable as I sensed the source of the feeling coming closer. I could hear footstepsin the bigroomme that abruptly stopped right behind me; I was too shaken to turn around. I could feel someone breathing, tickling my neck as I heard the voice in my ear; actually I felt it more than I heard it.

"Fancy meeting you here, Rory Gilmore!" whispered the deep voice. I turned around, hoping that my face wouldn't betray me.

"I can say the same about you, Jess Mariano." He chuckled.

"Yeah, I know, I don't strike as the person who spends his weekend in the library, but I can't help it. It keeps calling my name." I smiled at this. He continued when I wouldn't answer.

"This is where I went first when got to Yale, I wanted to know if all those stories about the famous Yale library were true, as it turned out they were." His voice was sober, touching, only above a whisper.

"I know what you mean." My voice was barely audible.

He sat down next to me, his eyes still on the shelves as if he was marking his territory.

I stared at him in awe, as I took in his facial features. His well defined cheek bones, his slightly crooked nose, his bottom lip that he seemed to have no control of.

"You know." His voice startled me. "It's impolite to stare."

I blushed.

"I ...I didn't stare, I was just you know, listening to what you had to say. It was nice." I added silently.

"It's okay, I know I'm irresistible." He smirked at me, raising an eye brow.

"Man, you're so full of yourself." I replied not really knowing how to take his statement.

"Well, only way to survive, isn't it?" this reply made me wanna know what he had been through, what had made him the man he was now. Our eyes locked, but only for about a second because I broke the contact, fearing what he might see in my eyes. I looked down at my hands.

"So, Hemmingway?" I asked in a fake disgusting voice.

"Yep, Hemingway, you don't sound too fond of him." I grinned.

"Well, thanks to him I've had a great night's sleep." His head shot up as it started to dawn on him what I had implied.

"Come on you've got to be kidding me, he's a genius. A Farewell to Arms?"

"About an indifferent universe and man's struggle against it. Fairly depressing if you ask me."

"The old man and the sea?" Jess continued with wide eyes.

""Fish, I love you and respect you very much. But I will kill you dead before this day ends. Please!" I quoted and settled back, enjoying my triumph. Jess looked at me astounded.

"For whom the bells toll?"

"Rapture, war, love. Too clichéd." Jess leaned back in his seat, still not believing his ears apparently.

"Hemingway won the Nobel price." He exclaimed, trying to make a point.

"Since when does winning an award make a person a genius?" I shot back, not willing to lose this battle. He held up his hands in surrender and smiled at me.

"You've read his books!" a statement.

"Of course, how could I not like him if I didn't read his work?" Jess chuckled.

"Rory Gilmore, you are one of a kind." I leaned forward, whispering.

"I take that as a compliment." Jess smiled at me and leaned forward as well.

We stared at each other, forgetting all around us. I couldn't help wonder _what if?_

I felt his breath on my face and I welcomed the feeling. Someone in the library shut a book with a loud thud and I came back to reality. I sat up straight again and let out a deep breath.

"So, Ayn Rand, huh?" I didn't know what else there was to say.

He sat back as well and sighed.

"That woman is a nut head, seriously had she been high while writing her books? It's like bla bla bla bla … some verbs I understand here and there and that's it." I chuckled.

"That's coming from a guy who worships Hemingway. Ts ts ts." I made a condescending noise with my tongue hoping he'd get the sarcasm behind it.

"So, you've read her books as well?" when I was about to answer, he cut me off.

"Of course you have!" I chuckled, signalising him that he had been right indeed.

"So, care to fill me in?" and with that I ran off, searching for her books.

The next two hours or so, we spent discussing Atlas Shrugged, going over all the little details that seemed to be important or at least that's what I thought. Jess would groan ever so often, rolling his eyes occasionally, making me laugh at the same time. I had fun, no I was enjoying myself immensely, I enjoyed being with him, having a conversation with him that went beyond planning the next party or arguing about who had to be the designated driver.

When we had finally finished going through every chapter, I leaned back, exhausted, looking at the pile of paper Jess had in front of him.

"Man, from all this information I could easily write a whole book on Ayn Rand and her weird way of thinking!" I was satisfied with myself and grinned happily. Jess looked at his watch, tensing up.

"So, I probably should get going, I mean I still have to write that essay." I tired to mask my disappointment.

"Yeah, probably." He got up and gathered his things.

"You know, I have a confession to make." He had a girlfriend, I was sure that he was about to tell me about his beautiful wife, his kids and his golden retriever. Not to mention the white fence around his family house.

"Okay." I swallowed.

"I knew that you had read Ayn Rand, I saw all of her books in your room, I just needed a reason to contact you." I let out a relieved sigh and was pleasantly surprised when I felt his lips on my cheek. Warm, burning a whole in my skin; it took all my self control not to grab him and kiss him with all force.

"I never thought I'd say that, but I had fun. I owe you big time, Rory Gilmore." He whispered in my ear and I shivered involuntarily. I couldn't stop grinning and when he made his way through the library towards the exit I called out his name.

"Jess!" he turned around, ignoring the angry stares from the other students.

"Yeah?" I didn't know what had gotten to me.

"Do you work out?"

**I thought this would be a good place to stop. Please review and tell me what you think. I don't want to rush into things; I want them to build a relationship that is based on more than just sexual attraction! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh boy, if I was the one to cry easily, I would be crying like a baby right now. Thank you so much for your reviews. God you made my day!**

**LJ ( ): the last line was referring to something Dave had said in their conversation in the kitchen and yes, Jess and Luke are still related, I have the meeting already planned in my head, it may take some chapters though. Thank you so much, you actually inspired me to write on. I cannot say often enough how much the reviews mean to me.**

**LorLukealways: let's pretend that Lane moved in with Rory some time after having moved out of her mother's place. But Mrs. Kim and Lane have reconciled. Since she is still dating Dave, the whole Zach thing (although I like him) has not happened. By the way, referring to your name, you will like this chapter.**

**Rory's POV:**

Grinning, I made my way back to the apartment, thinking about the afternoon I had spent with Jess. Jess… how easily the name now rolled off my tongue. Jess… Jess…Jess. I have officially turned insane. Here I was running around like a headless chicken thinking about a guy that wasn't even close to being my guy. If anyone would be watching me right now, they'd call 911.

_Apartment 5F? Yes, that's right!_

_Reason of calling? Insane girl on the loose. Apparently dangerous for the people around her, contagious! _

I laughed at myself as I tried to find the key in my purse to unlock the door.

**Flashback**

"Do you work out?" when I realized what I had said, I threw a hand over my mouth, desperately hoping that he hadn't caught my question. According to his surprised expression, he had. Oh shitty shit! I dropped my head and buried myself in the stack of books in front of me. Before I could spontaneously catch fire and disappear, he was standing next to me. What would I have given in that very moment to be one of the Charmed witches. Disappear without a trace, make the world stop, maybe even throw him across the room with nothing but my mental power. Screw this, in this very moment, I lacked all of my mental powers, not to mention the nonexistent ones. Jess cleared his throat.

" I think I may have heard you asking me if I worked out, to be honest I'm a little hurt here. I thought this would be obvious." I could see him smirking although I was still lying with my head on the desk, my hand still firmly clasped over my mouth. What to say, what to say?

Suddenly I felt his hand reaching for mine that was still placed over my mouth, he took it away, slowly, delicately, brushing his thumb over my palm ever so slightly.

" you know, it's easier to talk without something covering your mouth. Makes it less mumbled." Was that even a word? I finally gathered my courage to look up, meeting his gaze. He still hadn't let go off my hand, still drawing lazy circles on my palm; was he doing this on purpose ? Was he trying to drive me insane? I withdrew my hand despite the feeling that was running through my body, settling between my thighs. I sat up straight, there was no way he could affect me so badly, no way was I gonna let him catch me once again embarrassed.

" this was so not a pick up line. It's just, god! " Jess smirked, taking hold of my hand again.

" it was just…?" he trailed off leaving it up to me to finish the sentence. What was I supposed to tell him? You know I didn't know if my ex boyfriend worked out and I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't make the same mistake twice, and yes, by the way I have already named our kids, we'll be living in the Village! I took a deep breath and finally came up with the answer my mom had taught me. Whenever you're faced with a situation you can't handle, say:

" it's a girl thing!" Jess chuckled and soon I was joining him.

" blame my mother!" I shot him a look that was supposed to state the obvious.

I sighed defeated as he got up again, ready to leave me in my misery.

He turned around once again, whispering with a steady voice.

"Just so you know, you don't need a pick up line, you already picked me up." I got up as well, shouting after him:

" IT WAS NOT A PICK UP LINE!" my words echoed in the hall, mocking me, when I suddenly realized what he had said: _You already picked me up!_ Oh boy!

**Flashback end**

I entered the apartment and called my Mom.

" Hello this is Lorelai Gilmore, soon to be Danes, how can I help you?"

" NO!" I screamed, I was actually screaming.

" YES!" Mom was on the verge of yelling herself.

" NO!" I was losing it.

" YES! And should I be offended that you don't believe it?" I was shocked, Luke actually popped the question. He did it, way to go Luke!

" Yes, I mean no, I don't know what to think anymore, oh my god, this is huge, this is bigger than huge, this is…" what was bigger that huge?

" when? How, where?" Then Mom proceeded to tell me all the little details, and when I said all, I mean all details, even when I was begging her to spare me. I really didn't need to know how they celebrated their engagement. I didn't need to know that she woke up this morning to the sight of her bra hanging over the lamp-shade. I had started singing when she continued to tell me where she had found Luke's boxers.

" so, anyhow, the rehearsal dinner is next Saturday." My thinking process suddenly stopped.

" what do you mean next Saturday?" Mom sighed.

" has Yale told you nothing? Next Saturday, as in six days from today."

" but, why? I mean, didn't you just tell me that the wedding was gonna be in July?"

"so?"

"Aren't rehearsal dinners normally held a day or so before the wedding?" Mom sighed dramatically.

" yes, normally, but do I have a reputation to be normal, but if it makes you feel any better, we can call it engagement dinner." Now, that made more sense. Long silence, I could hear my mom breathing at the other end, it calmed me, taking me back to my childhood days when I would crawl in bed with her after having had a nightmare.

" I'm happy for you, Mom. You deserve it."

" I do, don't I?" I could hear her smiling. I heard something on the other line, something that sounded like the front door being shut.

" hey, honey, I gotta go, Luke's home and I'm up for round number two, well three actually, see ya Saturday, love you, bring a date!" and with that the line went dead.

" Mom? Mom are you there?" I pushed the end button and sank back on the couch. That's where Lane found me half an hour later.

"Rory?" Lane sat next to me and put an arm around my shoulder.

"you okay?" I looked at her and my eyes started to tear up. I blinked, squeezing the hot liquid out of my eyes down my cheeks. Lane looked scared.

" Luke asked my mom to marry him." I whispered, leaning my head against her shoulder. I loved her for being there for me.

" but that's a good thing, right?" apparently Lane was questioning my state of mind.

" yes, that's a good thing and I have actually no idea why the hell I'm crying!" I laughed through my tears and started sobbing. She embraced me and let me shed unidentified tears.

When I had calmed down, I wiped my eyes still sniffling.

" sorry."

" there's nothing you have to be sorry for, that's what I'm here for." I nodded and got up.

" she wants me to bring a date to her engagement dinner on Saturday, well, she actually called it a rehearsal dinner…" Lane's head shot up.

" she's getting married next weekend?" Lane exclaimed, rubbing her temples.

" no, she's not getting married before July." Lane looked at me funnily.

" but..?" I cut her off.

" it's my mom we're talking about here, don't question it." Lane nodded and let it go.

" so, who are you taking?" I knew that this question was bound to pop up

" no one." Lane snorted.

" no one as in no one, or no one as is I don't know, maybe Jess?"

I let out a deep breath and said determined.

" no one, I mean, hell I don't even know that guy." Lane again snorted; I was getting annoyed.

" well, I beg to differ." I poured myself a cup of coffee and swirled around.

" Lane!" I shot her a glance that told her to leave it alone.

" Rory!" Lane was mocking me.

" I mean, what is it you have to lose? Just ask him. He seems to be a decent guy and he makes you smile." I stared at Lane for a long time and considered to hear her out.

" when was the last time a guy made you smile, a real genuine smile?" I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my mind that were screaming: _Yes, Rory. When? _

I finally gave in.

" I'll think about it, okay? Now, let's change the subject, please? What am I getting my Mom for her engagement?" As is fate wanted to interfere, the phone started ringing. I sighed and went over to the couch to pick it up when Lane made no sign of moving.

"Hello?" I asked and my voice sounded strange even to me.

"Rory?" involuntarily my heart beat sped up, making it impossible for me to breathe or even to think straight. My thorax suddenly seemed to be too small for my beating heart. Bang bang bang, It sped as if it was trying to escape, as if it was trying to burst the cage I had held it in for a long time.

"Jess?" I finally choked out as Lane started dancing around, eyes wide and cheeks flushed.

"Yeah, I didn't know if it was okay, but I got your number from the operator." I desperately tried to steady my heart beat. I heard the beating sound in my ear and I thought I might faint.

"Sure, okay, no problem at all. Perfect." Lane gesticulated to me to shut up, making weird noises in the back. Jess chuckled on the other line. What was it with people and mocking me today?

"So, I have an idea I wanna run past you and I want you to know that you have every right to decline." Now it was my turn to laugh, apparently he was nervous as well.

"good to know." I answered and a silence settled around us.

"So?" I asked after a while when he wouldn't continue.

"oh, yeah right. See, my Uncle is getting married, you know he finally tied the knots, he popped the question or what it is the kids call it these days and he asked me to come to his engagement dinner." He trailed off.

"umm, okay?" what was he getting at?

"well, since I'm new here and you are like the only person I know, I wanted to ask you if you'd like to come." He let out a deep breath.

"With me." He added. I swallowed, and forced my heart to start beating again, since apparently it had decided to stop altogether. Would it be totally inappropriate of me to faint right now?

" oh, sure, when is it?" I silently congratulated me on my calm appearance.

" next Saturday." Hmm, something about that date sounded familiar. Oh fuck!

" next Saturday?" I asked again to confirm the date.

" yeah, next Saturday." I think, we have established that. Next Saturday it is.

"Shoot. That's the date of my mom's engagement dinner, or rehearsal dinner or whatever. I'm sorry, I can't miss that." I couldn't mask the disappointment in my voice.

"oh." He couldn't either I noticed relieved.

" you mom's getting married?" he asked as he regained his composure.

"Yeah, I hope at least, I mean last time she bailed on her fiancé, but the odds are good this time." I ranted, that's what the Gilmores do when they're nervous. It's an unwritten law. You're nervous, you rant. Period.

"okay, I just wanted to you know .. ask at least." Suddenly an idea formed in my head.

" maybe, I mean, if you are free…" I trailed off, my courage suddenly fading.

"Yeah?" he asked expectantly.

"what I meant to say was, maybe we could go out, grab a bite to eat, go to the movies?" I took in a deep breath.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" I swallowed and due to the breath that was still caught inside my lungs somewhere I choked.

"well, you suggested it in the first place." I somewhat accusingly replied. Jess chuckled.

"No, never have I mentioned the word date when I asked you to come to that dinner with me, I mean it was somewhat implied, but nope, I didn't ask you out per se." I let the breath float through my nose, trying to think of something to say.

"Hey, Rory, I was kidding. Dinner and movie sure sounds good." I decided to be brave.

"Tomorrow, eight okay?" I bit my nail while he thought about it.

"Yeah, sounds good to me. I'll pick you up."

" you don't know where I live." I grinned, but understanding suddenly dawned on me.

"oh yeah, you do, you've been here before." Rory: zero, Jess: one million.

"That I have. See you tomorrow, Rory Gilmore, I'm looking forward to it." With that the line went dead once again, leaving me behind with a goofy grin on my face that I was unable to cover.

When I was finally able to push the button, Lane tackled me to the ground and all I could think about was: What am I gonna wear?

**Well, that's it for now, folks, please review and I'll love you forever. Thanks for taking the time to read.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you again for your reviews, you guys seriously rock.**

**PamHalliwell: No, you don't sound like a freak, I love you for reviewing! And good luck for your exams, I can relate, when I was having mine, reading fan fiction actually helped me through it. I'm starting my next semester in April, hopefully I will be able to update as frequently as now.**

**Bittersweetbloodbaby: what can I say? I am honoured that you read the story, reviewed it even.**

**Before I go on with the story I want you to know that I am a true Lit at heart, don't light darts on fire and throw them at my nonexistent picture after reading this chapter, everything's gonna work out… hopefully, I can't help it, I am a sucker for some drama at least. With that said, review, it'll make my day.**

**Rating: maybe M? Tell me if it's right.**

**Rory's POV:**

"Rory, he's here." Lane was yelling through the apartment and I was sure that all of our neighbours knew that he was here as well. I was brushing my hair, what seemed to be for the millionth time, but I just couldn't get it to behave. It was a mess. Curls from my attempt to curl my hair up earlier were roaming my face and they were sticking up in a weird way. I glanced at the mirror with a frown on my face, it didn't exactly scream beautiful.

"Lane, could you please let him in, distract him, do whatever, just don't let him standing there in front of the door, listening to my break down." I sighed, pulled out a bobby pin and brushed my bangs out of my face, fixing it at the side of my head. I heard greetings being exchanged and Lane offering Jess something to drink.

"Lane, could you come in here for a second? Hey, Jess. I'll be out in a minute." I added apologetically. I wasn't ready to face him yet. Lane came bouncing into my room, shutting the door carefully behind her.

"What's up, Ror?" she asked when she noticed my face.

"What is he wearing?" I breathed out, knowing that Lane would understand my misery.

"Huh, well, black jeans, light brown buttoned down shirt, converse tennis shoes." I looked down at me. I was wearing a black skirt that ended just above my knees and a matching blouse. My eyes shot open as I exclaimed.

"I am overdressed." With that I pulled all of my clothes out of the closet, searching for my favourite pair of jeans. When I finally found it in the back of my closet, I put it on, realizing that it fit beautifully with my black blouse. I left the first four buttons undone and finally was ready to face the world. I took a deep breath and asked Lane silently what she was thinking. She gave me a thumb up and pushed me into the common room, where Jess was still sitting patiently on the couch, sipping his soda.

"I'm ready, sorry about that." I gesticulated between me and my room. He nodded, got up and came over to me. For a slight second I was expecting him, hoping actually, to lean over and kiss me. His lips never made contact with my skin.

"Thanks for the soda, Lane." He stated calmly and then directed his attention to me.

"You look nice." I blushed and shook my head.

"Thanks I guess, you look nice, too." I wrecked my brain to come up with something to say, but my brain wouldn't just work properly with him around. Made me wonder why actually.

"So? Shall we?" he asked and pointed with his head to the door. I nodded and grabbed my coat. As I made my way over to the door, Jess let out a small chuckle. I swirled around.

"What?" Jess pointed to my feet.

"Shoes!" I groaned and grabbed the nearest shoes. Sneakers, a classic.

"Now, I'm ready, I'm not running around topless, am I?" If I could, I would have bitten my own head off.

"No, don't answer that." Jess smirked at me.

"And here I had the not yet ready." I blushed and decided to ignore his comment.

Jess took me to an old, ancient movie theatre, not far from my apartment. He surely had planned this evening, although it had been me to ask him out.

They showed a rerun of "Amélie" and although I already had seen the movie before, I enjoyed myself immensely. In the back of my head I kept reminding myself that it had to do with my company and in retrospect I had been glad that I already knew the plot, since I couldn't help but steal glances at Jess ever so often. A few times I had been caught, but he made up for it when I caught him staring at me in return. Somewhere during the movie, I let my head fall on his shoulder, snuggled in to him even a bit and he wrapped an arm around me, squeezing my hand tightly. It may sound cheesy, but I felt comfortable, finally I had the feeling that _this_ was right, that _this _was supposed to be. I wouldn't move when my arm fell asleep, I wouldn't move when I needed to use the bathroom, I wouldn't move when the end credits were rolling and I definitely didn't move when he leaned over and kissed me. Almost shyly, he pressed his lips to mine, sucking carefully on my lower lip as if he was afraid I would break. He steadily increased the pressure and I finally gave in and let his tongue slip into my mouth. Now I was at the point where I couldn't control myself anymore, I didn't want to hold back anymore, so I didn't. My hands slipped into his jacket, that he hadn't taken off and I pulled him closer to me as the rhythm of our battling tongues grew more passionate. He cradled my face in his hands, running a finger up and down my cheekbone. He pulled away slightly and an upset groan escaped my mouth which quickly was replaced by a silent moan as he started to kiss my ear. This gave me some time to catch my breath as I prepared myself for round two. Apparently the people around us were getting up to leave the movie theatre as they started to walk past us.

Some of them mumbled something along the line as "get a room" and I finally pulled back, resting my forehead against his. His eyes were still closed as he licked his lips, pulling me closer again. My eyes shot open as someone stepped on my toe. I squealed and made Jess open his eyes along the way. He pulled me up, never letting go of me. And with his arm still wrapped around me we left the movie theatre in silence. I snuggled deeper into his embrace as the cold wind hit me. I shivered involuntarily.

"You cold?" Jess's voice was kind of sleepy, deep, passionate. I shook my head and took his hand in my, intertwining our fingers.

"This is nice." I sighed and I didn't know in this very moment if I had said it out loud. Jess smiled at me, a genuine smile and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead, silently confirming my statement. We walked like this for about half an hour, silently, just enjoying being close to the each other.

"You wanna grab a bite to eat?" Jess interrupted my thoughts and the silence around us. I shook my head.

"Not really." And as if I wanted to confirm my suggestion I squeezed his hand tightly and slipped my other hand into his back pocket. Apparently he had understood what I had implied because suddenly I was in Jess's apartment.

If someone would ask me later where he lived, I wouldn't be able to give a satisfying answer.

My back was pressed against the wall, my legs slightly parted so Jess could settle between them as we kissed passionately. My hands roamed his body under his shirt, his jacket long forgotten on the floor. I trailed down his abs, resting my hand over his belt buckle. As he started to kiss my neck I couldn't cover the moan that escaped my throat. Jess chuckled.

"You vibrate." I pulled back and looked at him dumbfounded.

"What?" my voice didn't sound like my own. It was deeper, more mature, and full of want.

"Your throat. When you moan, it vibrates." I chuckled as well as I claimed his lips again, already missing his touch. Jess lifted me up and I instantly wrapped my legs around his waist, involuntarily straddling him. I could feel him as he was getting more and more aroused. It made me feel powerful that I was doing this to him.

"You want me, huh?" I suggestively asked as I ran a hand up and down his back.

"You have no idea." He kissed my ear, travelled down my neck and settled down on my collar bones. He sucked on them and I was sure I would have a reminder of this night. Jess bit me lightly as I increased the pressure on his back.

"Tell" teeth on my skin.

"When" his tongue came dangerously near my breast.

"To stop." He choked out and pulled back to look me in the eye. I gasped as I met his gaze. His eyes were dark, almost black, wild, and passionate. I played with his belt buckle and now it was his time to gasp.

"Don't stop. Please, I want you." I breathed, my voice shivering with desire. As if to underline my statement I got rid of his belt and unbuttoned his pants.

"Bed!" I exclaimed as he unclasped my bra. I was still wearing my blouse but I felt the bra straps sliding down my arms. Never letting go off each other, he led me to his bedroom and pushed me softly on his bed. He landed on top of me, but he caught the fall with his arms, so he wouldn't crush me. I pulled off his pants with my feet. He quickly let go off me and took off his shoes, socks and finally his pants. His boxers were dangerously tight on him and I couldn't help but smile at the sight in front of me.

He carefully regained his earlier position and started to unbutton my shirt. Delicately, slowly, one by one. When he was finally done, he took my already erected nipple in his mouth and sucked on it. I leaned back and lifted up my hips. He met me halfway and our hips crushed together, making me nearly go blind. I rolled him over so I was on top of him and sat down on his lap, straddling him, enjoying the feeling of him between my thighs. I pushed him down, holding his hands tightly over his head. He groaned in frustration but let me have my way with him. I started to unbutton his shirt, just as slowly as he had earlier. I leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"Payback's a bitch!" and I snuck my tongue out and licked his earlobe. I finally began exploring his upper half, trailing kisses down his torso, marking his body as mine. I played with the few hairs around his nipple and I could feel him getting harder.

"God, Rory, you're killing me here." I chuckled.

"That's my plan!" then with a quick swift of my hands I pulled his boxers down, exposing him to my eye. Before I knew what had happened, he was on top of me again, slipping his hand into my pants. He unzipped my jeans and slipped a hand between my thighs.

"Fair play." He whispered as he began to stroke all the sensitive spots. Sparkles, thunders, explosions, there were no words that would even start to describe what I felt during this moment. Quickly he freed me from my remaining clothes, now leaving me exposed to his gaze. He leaned over and took something out of his nightstand, then hovered over me, kissing me hard. I liked the fact that he knew intuitively when to be rough and when he should move gently.

When I had thought that earlier was the climax I definitely didn't know how to define the feeling I experienced when he finally entered me. My mind went black as we moved in sync, never breaking eye contact. I bit his shoulder lightly and could feel the salty taste on my tongue. We were as close as it could get and in this very moment, I thought, that maybe _this _was it, the ultimate feeling, the epitome of all emotions combined. We cried out at the same time, exhausted, but satisfied. He sunk down on my, his breathing matching mine. Short ways of desire shot through me as an aftertaste of what I had been feeling earlier, making my body shiver.

He rolled over and threw the used condom into the waste basket next to his bed, and when he snuggled next to me, wrapping his arms around me from behind protectively, I sighed and gave into his tough. I kissed his hands, and he kissed my shoulder in return, tightening his hold on me. No words necessary, just the darkness was the witness of earlier events. This is it; I thought and drifted off to sleep, squeezing his hand one last time.

I woke up with a start in the middle of the night. I blinked. Once, twice, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the dark room. At first I didn't know where I was, but then the night's events were coming back to me with all force. I kept lying still on the bed, afraid to move. Why was it that he made me feel the things I had been feeling last night? I felt safe, protected and at the same time challenged. This was the moment when I realized that I was falling for him. Hard. I have never experienced something like this before and it scared the shit out of me. I was falling for him beyond sexual lust and passion and if I really was falling for him, that meant that he was now in the position to hurt me. I couldn't let that happen. I carefully crawled out of bed and gathered my things silently. When I was in the living room I put on my clothes, listening to the sounds that were coming out of the bedroom. I ripped a paper from his legal pad and furiously scribbled down some words. I tried to suppress the tears that were now falling freely from my eyes. I grabbed my shoes and left the note on his coffee table. _I can't._

I shut the door quietly behind me and hurried down the stairs I didn't realize I had climbed up earlier.

When I got home, I went straight to bed, crying silently. I ignored Lane's questions in the morning and I definitely ignored the steady sound of the ringing phone!

**Yes, I know she is out of character, shoot me! I hope you liked it, please review. Thanks for reading! is it too rushed?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Is this some sort of conspiracy? Did someone set you up for this? I can't believe you'd actually review voluntarily the way you do. Is my sister behind this? Although I do not allow her to read my stories, she doesn't even know where to find them, you rock, thanks so much! **

**Due to the fact that I live in Germany, I didn't see the Bedford diaries, I watched it on the net though, I'm still not so sure what to think about it, but Milo surely is hot, ain´t he. I mean they started airing Gilmore Girls in 2004 over here, meaning, they will probably air BD around 2009… lol and I hope that by then I will be over my obsession! **

**Bittersweetbloodbaby: Í´m honored that you´re honored that I´m honored ...lol**

**Anyhow, I'm glad you liked the last chapter I didn't feel so satisfied with the sex scene, but well.**

**Here we go on:**

**Rory's POV:**

Miserable. If someone was to look it up in a dictionary, any dictionary, they'd probably find my picture next to it. Miserable: sleep for hours, plug out the phone and gain twenty pounds by inhaling junk food, clog your arteries by simply eating too much chocolate and shut out your best friend!

I actually did plug out the phone, since it wouldn't stop ringing; I had told my mom to call me on my cell since my home line wasn't working. I didn't tell her about the latest events, fearing that she might blame herself. Blaming herself for not having taught me how to cope with the closeness that falling for someone brought along. Blaming herself for not having raised me to be the person she wanted me to be; strong, confident, to be able to be loved and most importantly to be able to love back. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that I was in love with Jess; he just made me feel something I haven't felt before. Not with Dean, my first perfect boyfriend, not with Todd, the guy I had dated briefly for a couple of months in my freshman year, not Dean again, when I had decided to break up his marriage, when I had lost my virginity to him, not Logan, who actually had taught me to be reckless, wild, but he never made me feel the way Jess had succeeded to make me feel when he simply looked at me.

I was lying in my bed when Lane entered my bedroom. She sat down next to me and carefully asked:

"Did you unplug the phone? " I nodded, sniffling, but at the same time I tried to keep my composure. I knew how to fool anyone, Rory Gilmore, happy kid, the smile never leaving her face, intelligent, not the one to mess with people's minds! My mind was racing: Rory Gilmore, failure, scared to commit, scared to get hurt, so what does she do? She hurts people before they get the chance to hurt her.

I nodded and turned away from Lane since I knew she would look right through me; she'd actually get my demons to start a revolution, she would made me confess.

Lane sighed and got up, walking over to the door.

"Fine, you don't wanna talk about it, okay, but just so you know, I live here, too, people could actually try to call me." Great job, I succeeded to piss off Lane.

I wrapped the blanket around me exhausted.

The telephone had been ringing ten times that very day. I finally shut out the world around me and drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt odd. To be more specific, the apartment felt odd. No sounds, no music, not the smell of coffee hanging in the air. I sighed and got up, making my way over to the kitchen. I found a small note with Lane's neat handwriting:

_I stayed at Dave's. The fridge is empty; it's your turn to do the grocery shopping._

_Lane_

_P.S.: you can't run forever!_

I again sighed, cursing under my breath silently and went to make myself some coffee.

When I finally took the first sip, I realized that even the coffee tasted odd.

I went to my room and started studying. I had abandoned my studies in the last days and I decided to get most of the work done, it wasn't that I had anything else to do.

The telephone started ringing, a first for today and I put on my headphones and listened to the Strokes singing about the one thing that was on my mind: _My feelings are more important t_han yours….Were they?

I heard the phone ringing once again, this time I was able to block it out, and specifically the person I thought might be on the other end.

I heard Lane enter the apartment, going in her room and coming out not a second after.

The phone started ringing again and suddenly I jumped up, knocking the cup of coffee down on the floor. My chair fell behind me as I rushed into the common room.

"DONT PICK IT UP, PLEASE LANE!" I actually screamed, being out of breath. Lane jumped back startled and let the phone fall back in its cradle. She looked at me with wide eyes and then directed her attention to the phone that was still ringing; I stared at it as well, begging it to shut the fuck up. As if the person had heard me, the annoying noise suddenly stopped, the sudden silence bugged me at once and I looked down at my hands, not knowing what to say. Lane came over to me, where I was standing and stopped right in front of me. I felt a salty liquid on my lips, I hadn't noticed that I had started crying, maybe, I silently contemplated I hadn't stopped altogether.

I wiped my eyes, trying to cover the tears that were now leaving wet trails on my cheeks.

"Rory?" Lane bended her knees so she could look me in the eye, I wouldn't allow it and closed them.

"Rory?" Lane's voice was laced with concern.

"What's wrong, tell me. Did he do something? Did he try something? God, Rory, you're scaring me here. What happened to you?" I could feel that Lane was on the verge of losing it as well. I dropped my head and moved forwards, leaning my head on her shoulder as the sobs were starting to come more frequently. Lane wrapped her arms around me and whispered soothing nothings in my ear.

She finally made me sit down on the couch and grabbed my shoulders.

"Rory, tell me. Did he do something?" I shook my head and my locks were bouncing up and down.

"No." I choked.

"He was wonderful, it was amazing." I could feel Lane nodding, her gaze burning a hole in my face.

"So what happened?" I took a deep breath and caught Lane's eyes.

"I bailed on him." Lane's mouth formed a silent o and she raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" simple question that deserved an honest answer. I sighed and buried my head in my hands.

"Do you know the feeling when you think that everything's just so perfect that it cannot last? I mean, I was lying there next to him and I suddenly realized that I was falling for him. I got scared, Lane. I mean, like really scared, I couldn't breathe, so I bailed. Left him a note." I added whispering the last words.

"Okay, we're gonna have to talk about what you had been doing, so you were lying next to him, but that can wait." I chuckled despite the sobs that were making their way up my throat

"I felt so close to him. It's like he got under my skin and that means that I am now in the position to get hurt, I can't let that happen!" Lane wrapped her arms around me and stroked my back.

"You have been with guys, Rory. Why is it so different now?" I thought about this for a long time, and then I finally answered.

"Because I kept thinking that maybe this was it." I whispered, my voice barely audible, but still noticeably shaken.

"Oh Rory." Lane exclaimed and silent tears were now escaping her eyes as well.

I tried to regain my composure as I sat back up, stretching my back. I looked at Lane's tear strained face and couldn't help but chuckle.

"I am a pathetic loser, right?" Lane laughed at me and nodded her head in confirmation.

"So, let's drop the subject please? What's Dave thinking about going back to Stars Hollow? I mean, you're taking him to the dinner, right?" Lane stiffed a chuckle.

"He's running around his apartment, ripping his closet apart, he can't seem to be finding the shirt Mama Kim had given him the last time he had been in Stars Hollow. I for once think that he used it as a rag to clean his guitar." I laughed at this, happy that Lane still was able to keep me distracted.

"He's going down, huh?" Poor Dave

"Yep." Was all Lane could say before she burst out laughing. I finally joined her, laughing at the ridiculous situation, laughing at me, laughing at the little child inside of me that couldn't seem to get her act together despite popular belief.

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"Rory?" Lane exclaimed as she was running around in our apartment, packing her stuff for Stars Hollow. I had already packed mine days ago, so I was now sitting on the couch, sipping my coffee and was watching Lane run around like a headless chicken.

"Yeah?" I replied in awe.

"Where's my red shirt?" I shrugged.

"Do you want to give your Mom a heart attack? You can't wear the red shirt in Stars Hollow."

Lane stopped in her tracks, staring at me.

"Yeah, you're probably right, man, I really forget how it is to be around my mom. I love it here, no one is bugging me about bible school or religion in general, you are quite tolerant when it comes down to music and I definitely don't have to hide my CDs from you." I smiled when as I went down memory lane, back to our days as kids, back to the weird hiding spots for Lane's CDs.

"Take the black one instead, it looks nice, plus I don't think you're mom is gonna join us for dinner." Lane nodded and squealed excitedly when she found the red shirt. She pulled the black one over her head and grabbed her coat.

"Ready?" I got up and took my duffel bag.

"Ready!" I confirmed as we locked the door to our apartment.

When we were in my car, driving to Stars Hollow I couldn't help but think about the fact that the phone had stopped ringing two days ago.

**I know it's a bit on the short side, but I wanted to write Stars Hollow and hence the meeting as you all know in one chapter. I just wanted to clear up what Rory was going through, what made her do the things she did. I think some of you can relate, what it means to be scared to get too close to a person. Thanks for reading and I apologize for the lack of Jess once again, be prepared for tons of him in the next chapter! Review please!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I know I seem to have too much time on my hand, but this story just keeps floating in my mind. As you may have noticed, there are mistakes; I try to correct them, but sometimes being German gets in the way of that.**

**Bittersweetbloodbaby: thanks for mentioning the thing about the rating, I took care of that and yay you updated Hollywood Hearts, thanks. Btw, I highly recommend the story to any of you who haven't read it yet, it's unimaginably great!**

**To all of you who have reviewed, thanks so much. I try to update as frequently as now, but as I said before, my semester is starting again on Monday and I have been accepted in this huge research group and added to that I have to undergo surgery once again, but I promise, the next chapters will be up this weekend! **

**I actually do have a life on my own though, I keep working on my doctor's degree. Man, that sounded so grown up, I'm scaring myself actually!**

**Here we go; I hope I can satisfy your expectations!**

**Stars Hollow, here we come! **

**Rory's POV:**

Lane and I had decided- after we had picked up Dave- to stop at the diner first, after all, it what more than possible that my mom would be there. When we got out of the car, I could already see my mom through the window, sitting at the counter, chatting happily with Luke. As I opened the door, the little bell above it announced my arrival. Mom swirled around on her seat, nearly knocking down Luke who had been standing beside her. I grinned at the scene in front of me and suddenly I caught my mom's eyes. They were wide, excited, mirroring the happiness she felt inside. Normally mom would have jumped up and embraced me in her arms, but this time she made her way over to me slowly, moving her hips ever so slightly, nodding left and right, mouthing silent words. My smile grew wilder as she reached me. I pulled her in a hug and whispered in her ear.

"So, walking down the aisle, huh?" I could feel Mom's lips forming a big smile on my cheek. She pulled away and looked at me with expectant piercing blue eyes.

"Were the hips too much?" I shook my head and laughed.

"Just enough to drive Luke crazy and to make Grandma miserable!" She beamed.

"That's what I was going for." And suddenly all hell broke lose. She stopped in her tracks, her eyes shot open and she gasped.

"I'm getting married, kid! I'm getting married." I joined in.

"You're getting married!" and then we squealed the way only a true Gilmore could, I think I may have heard a couple of glasses breaking by the sound. Luke came running out of the storage room where he had retreated to earlier as if to give us a private moment since no one else was in the diner in this very moment.

"Geez, what's wrong with you?" Luke exclaimed, adjusting his cap. I walked up to him and pulled him in an awkward hug.

"You hurt her you die!" Luke caught my eye and nodded.

"Dully noted." I heard footsteps coming down the stairs from the apartment above that now since Luke had moved in with my Mom, had become his office, just like his father had intended it to be. I looked at Luke questioningly.

"Oh, I guess that's my nephew, he's here for the dinner. He's from the west coast. Well actually he was raised in New York, but…" he trailed off mumbling something under his breath along the line as: "Man, I spend way too much time with your Mom!"

I expectantly examined the curtain that separated the staircase from the diner. When I saw the curtain being pushed away, I instantly put on a happy face, making sure that whoever was coming down here would feel welcome; I wasn't prepared in the slightest for what fate had in store for me. The first thing I saw was a hand, then an arm, than a head full of dark hair. I took in a deep breath as I tried to push the memories out of my head, I looked down to regain my calmness and when I looked up I stared at the disbelieving face of Jess Mariano. I was in a loss of words, motionless, my knees went week as I grew smaller under his gaze. I gasped and was glad that the counter was near so I could use it to support my weight.

I didn't know who spoke first but I heard him clearly, mirroring my sentiments exactly.

"Holy shit!" I felt like I was about to throw up, fainting would actually be a welcome surprise right now. I would have done anything to get out of the diner this minute. I felt my heartbeat as it banged against my sternum, the diner started swirling around me as I could make out voices in the distance. Far far away they seemed.

"Rory, this is my nephew Jess. Jess, this is Rory, my fiancée's daughter." I snapped back to reality and took in my surroundings again. I was leaning against the counter, Luke had his hand on Jess's shoulder and my mom was coming over to me.

"Apparently he's just transferred to Yale, maybe you have run into each other." My mom explained the situation to me, but I couldn't help but feel that this was all slightly surreal.

"Rory, you okay? You look kinda pale." It was Luke's voice who caught me once again.

"I, I …" I swallowed, choking on my own saliva.

"I think I might be sick!" and with that I brushed past them, covering my mouth with one of my hands and ran out of the diner, leaving behind a stunned Luke, a knowing mom and an exhausted Jess.

I stopped when I reached the gazebo, catching my breath. It actually hurt to breathe right now. I could see Lane enter the diner, leaving it not thirty seconds after, scanning her surroundings.

I knew she was looking for me and I couldn't help but feel guilty by the fact that she always seemed to have to comfort me. I sat down on the small bench, trying to hide from the prying eyes of any inhabitant of Stars Hollow. I felt a movement next to me and buried my hands even deeper in the pockets of my coat. I expected it to be Lane, but boy was I in for a surprise when I caught a certain scent. I stopped breathing, stopped moving and for an instant I thought I might have stopped living altogether. I scanned my surroundings, suddenly feeling like a rabbit that had to flee from the fox that was about to catch it. I needed my rabbit hole, a place to disappear into. I knew exactly who was sitting next to me, taking in deep breaths. Suddenly something else caught my attention, smoke. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see him light a cigarette, inhaling it, letting it float back to the air through is nose. I followed the smoke with my eyes when it mixed with the wind, flying away. What would I have given to be a particle of the smoke right now, fly away, and never look back.

"I didn't know you smoked." I finally had found the courage to start the conversation. There were many things I didn't know about him, and subconsciously I was dying to find them out, dreading it at the same time.

"I don't." I heard the fabric of his jacket as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh okay!" I sighed defeated. He wasn't making it simple, but why would I deserve it?

"So, Luke's your uncle, huh?" apparently he chose not to reply.

I listened to the trees playing with the wind, trying to win the battle against nature as the leaves fell to the ground, mixing with the dirty sand. I didn't allow myself to look at him, scared of what I might see on his face. Hatred? Passion? Hurt? He played with the cigarette in his hand and finally threw the remains on the ground, stepping on it with his shoe. In my mind I could see me laughing, telling him that if Taylor would have caught him, he'd claim the throne of the new delinquent of Stars Hollow. In my mind I could see him responding, with a smirk on his face, that he didn't care, and then he would kiss me to shut me up when I would start protesting, lecturing him on good behavior. He'd stroke my cheek, playing with my hair that would be caught up in the wind and I'd lean on to him, enjoying the warmth of his body.

I shook my head as I tried to dismiss my thoughts. This ship has sailed, I kept telling myself all over again, but I couldn't help but be hopeful in the pit of my stomach.

"I called you." I nodded, encouraging him to continue although I didn't deserve it.

"27 times." He kept count.

"Yeah, I know, it's pathetic really that I kept count. I didn't try for the 28th time you know. Maybe I shouldn't have called altogether." I swallowed when I noticed the hurt tone in his voice. My voice betrayed me in return. My throat tightened and I experienced the fearful aura of upcoming tears. My chin started shivering, but I tried to suppress it.

"I'm sorry." My words sounded lame even to me, but apparently Jess was the one who kept inquiring beyond excuses and made up reasons. Another remarkable characteristic of him. Never take the things the way they are presented, question them, make the person who says them doubt the meaning.

"What for?" His question caught me by surprise. For the first time I dared to look at him. I was shocked when I met his gaze. I had expected his face to be blank, lacking of any emotions, maybe anger, but not this. He eyed me expectantly, softly even and it made me even angrier with myself. I dropped my head once again, playing with my purse.

"I was scared." He nodded knowingly.

"Okay. Scared of what?" there it was again, the feeling that he provoked in me, challenging me when he knew I was on the verge of breaking down, not accepting my lame, stereotypical answers. The demons inside of me started to roar, to burst, making my head spin. All the fear, doubts, emotions that had been boiling up inside of me were finally about to reach the surface. I jumped up, surprising both myself and Jess with this sudden action.

I put the hands on my hips, glaring down at him.

"What is it you want from me, Jess? Is this some sort of game to you? Does it make you feel powerful to ask me all of these questions? Does it make you feel manlier to be the one in charge? What is it, Jess, tell me?" he calmly looked up to me, not avoiding my fiery eyes.

"I just want you to be honest with yourself." I nearly got sick again, who the fuck did he think he was?

"Honest to myself? I am fucking honest to myself! What is this? Have you suddenly gotten your psychology degree on the internet? You don't know me, so don't tell me what to do!" I spat and realized too late that he had gotten up as well, now being slightly taller than me including my heels.

"What's this, Rory? Why are you getting so defensive? Did I hit a nerve? Yes, I don't know you and you don't know me, but it didn't stop you from jumping my bones. I asked you to tell me when to stop; you could have just told me. Don't act like the shy kitten, Rory. Don't act as if as was the devil in all of this. I have been calling you for five days; I have been wrecking my brain, trying to figure out what I had possibly done wrong. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not the only one getting hurt in this? And the note? Damnit, Rory. _I can't?_

What is it that you can't do? I wasn't gonna ask you to fucking marry me, Rory. I wasn't gonna ask you to be my girlfriend, because people our age don't so that anymore. If it fits, it fits, and wow, I have actually fooled myself when I had thought that this might be fitting. We, us, but apparently I had been wrong. You had to know that it wasn't all about the sex. You should have known actually!" Jess was fuming, yelling at me, and I was standing there like a little kid, tears streaming down my face, feeling like a little piece of shit. I jerked up my arms, trying to block out his words, trying to make it all go away.

"Don't you think I didn't know that? Do you really think of me that low? You have no idea how I beat me up in the last couple of days, how I so desperately tried to talk to you, but I just…" he cut me off.

"Yeah, you just can't, I got that." He instantly calmed down when he saw my face; he rubbed his temples, dropping his head, breathing heavily. There we were, standing only inches apart, both worked up, both not knowing how take the other. His eyes were black, and when they had been black earlier that week it had been for totally different reasons. I was positive that he wasn't thinking about trailing hot kisses down my body. I sighed defeated and looked at him. His hair was sticking up, his cheeks flushed, his lips forming a thin line. I couldn't deny it anymore: I wanted him. His voice interrupted the loaded silence around us.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you." I nodded, silently apologizing as well, but my pride still wouldn't let me form those words out loud. He bit his bottom lip, continuing.

"It's just, I was really frustrated, fed up even and you happened to be here, weird coincidence by the way …" he trailed off, leaving it up to me to finish his thoughts. I wanted to reply when I heard my name being called. My head shot up as I heard approaching footsteps. My mom was hurrying over to where Jess and I were standing and eyed me worriedly.

"You okay, hon? You left the diner so quickly earlier, I thought you might be sick or something." Or something I silently repeated in my head. I discretely wiped my eyes and put on a fake smile.

"No, I'm fine, I just needed fresh air for a moment and Jess here decided to keep me company." Mom's eyes focused on Jess as she thanked him silently for taking care of her girl. That he had, taking care of me that is.

"That's nice." Mom smiled a genuine smile and wrapped an arm around me.

"You're gonna be related in July after all." I choked and even Jess seemed to get uncomfortable with where the conversation was heading. Mom squeezed my hand and added jokingly.

"Not by blood or anything. That's not a problem, is it?" Jess shook his head.

"Nope, none at all." Mom let go off the subject and directed her words at me.

"So, Rory, where's your date?" I groaned silently.

"He couldn't make it." My mom clapped her hands.

"Oh, that's a shame." Suddenly her eyes lit up, nothing good could be the result of this.

"Hey, Jess. Did you bring a date?" Jess shook his head no and buried his hands in his pockets.

"Good, how about the two of you go together then? I mean not date-like obviously, but it could be fun, huh?" She had no idea. When neither Jess nor I would object she nodded happily and went off. I tilted my head and observed Jess's expression. Unreadable. I sighed.

This was gonna be one long day.

**Okay, this was part one of the meeting, I hope you enjoyed it. Many of you might think that Jess is extremely out of character, he might be, I give you that, BUT: he actually was hurt and this was his way to get it out of his system. He didn't act too whipped now did he? He told her all the things I would have told Rory if I had been in his position, weird, that I identify with Jess and not with Rory… makes me wonder why.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Bru Gravem: Thanks for your review; it makes me proud since I absolutely adore your stories.**

**Bittersweetbloodbaby: I love yelling, it's deliberating and tricky, but such a great feeling nonetheless. Writing it is absolutely fun! **

**Thanks to all who have reviewed, especially PamHalliwell and LexyLovinMilo, You are the most loyal reviewers. **

**Rory´s POV: picks up exactly where the last chapter has stopped.**

I rubbed my temples and dropped my head to the ground, suddenly extremely interested in my shoes. I felt his gaze on my body and I involuntarily shivered. When I wouldn't speak up, I could hear him turning around slowly. He softly stroked my elbows one last time and tilted his head to one side.

"So, I'm heading back to the diner." I opened my mouth to say something, but no words would come out. I swallowed as if I needed my throat to get used to the movements. I attempted it again, finally succeeding.

"Hey Jess?" I exclaimed and I feared that he hadn't caught my words, since he already was far away. He swirled around, raising an eyebrow as if to ask _what_?

"I know, I'm probably the last person you wanna be with right now, but my Mom wants us to go together, so what now?" Even from where I was standing I could see Jess shrug his shoulder in confusion.

"Would it hurt too much if you came over here, so I don't have to yell?" He frustrated me, although I knew that I somehow deserved it.

Lazily, slowly, Jess made his way over to me, his hands not leaving his pockets. The weight of his hands made his jeans hang low on his hips and as he raised his left arm to scratch his head, a barely visible dark trail of hair from the waistband of his boxers was revealed, only to disappear under his grey shirt. A sudden shot of disappointment went through me as he buried his hand back in his pocket once again. I shook my head.

"And she talks." Jess sarcastically remarked and stopped right in front of me.

Now it was my time to shrug.

"Yeah, well. Anyhow, what now?" Jess let his gaze linger nn my face only for a split second before he began scanning the trees behind me.

"Well, it's you mother's day, right? Who are we that we could possibly deny this to her. She seemed kinda excited." I let out a deep breath. The pretending game started all over again, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder if this might be a second chance. A second chance for what? I wasn't so sure.

"Okay, it's not that we really have to spend the night together…." I trailed off, realizing how wrong this had come out. Jess smirked as I met his eyes once again. He had noticed it too.

"What I meant was, I mean, we go together, sit down at the table, and that's it. No dancing, no forced conversations, no whatever." I added in one breath. Jess seemed to be thinking about my suggestion and finally nodded.

"Okay."

"Okay." I stupidly repeated.

"How about I come by the diner tonight, then we can go together. Say around seven?" Jess chuckled slightly and I eyed him curiously.

"What?" Jess stiffed another chuckle.

"It's just, that this is all too surreal, I mean about a week ago I was gonna ask you to go with me to this specific dinner and now…" he put up his hands in surrender, gesticulating with his hands. I wrapped my arms around me, pulling my coat tighter to my body.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." My voice was barely audible.

One last glance and he was gone. I looked after his disappearing figure until I couldn't make out his silhouette any more.

"Mom?" I exclaimed as I entered the house.

"Kitchen" came her sudden response. I made my way over there and leaned against the doorframe. I observed my mom as she was sitting at the table, sipping her cup of coffee. She had a smile on her face, starring off into space. Her smile seemed to be contagious as I felt my lips lifting up in a smile as well.

"You're happy." I spoke softly so I wouldn't disturb the peaceful atmosphere. Mom looked up to me, beaming.

"I'm happy." I fully entered the kitchen and sat down on a chair next to her. She silently pushed her cup of coffee towards me.

"Coffee?" she asked and I nodded and took a sip. I felt comforted by the feeling of the hot liquid running down my throat and for the first time in a week, I allowed myself to relax.

"So..." Mom started. I got the feeling that I wouldn't like where she was heading.

"You wanna tell me what happened between you and Jess?" I contemplated if I wanted to tell her, on the one hand I was dying to fill her in, on the other hand I didn't want to upset her. I didn't want her to think of anything than her happiness. I sighed as I made my decision.

"Jessistheguy!" it came out as one word. Mom rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"So? Jess is a guy." I played with my hair, twisting it around my index finger, a bad habit.

"THE guy." I corrected mom, leaned back waiting for it to dawn on her. I could practically see the wheels in her head as they started to make a connection. Suddenly Mom yelped and clasped her hand over her mouth.

"Holy shit." Despite the situation I was in, I stiffed a laugh, since Jess had reacted exactly the same way.

"My sentiments exactly." Then I proceeded to fill mom in. The date, the night, the bailing and the fact that I had ignored him all week. It made me gag, saying it out loud that is.

When I finished my speech, Mom looked at me with wide eyes and as if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming, she asked me to pinch her, which I did. Mom yelped in pain and got up to pour herself yet another cup of coffee. She watched me from the counter and I leaned back into the chair, breathing heavily, heart beating. What's the verdict? I silently asked myself.

"So, where does it leave you? I mean, I saw you talking earlier. He didn't bite your head of, what now? I mean, Gosh, I'm so stupid, I suggested the whole going together thing, I'm sorry, hon. If I had known..." I cut her off.

"Mom, calm down, please. You're making me nervous." Mom nodded her head in understanding and sat down next to me again.

"We're gonna attend the dinner together. I have absolutely no clue as to know where we stand. No idea at all." I sighed sadly and buried my head in my hands. I could feel mom's hands as she stroked my back. It was good to be home.

After I had helped mom to get ready, I gathered my purse and went out to "pick up" Jess.

I didn't know what to expect so it was understandable that my stomach was a bundle of nerves when I knocked at the diner's door. I could see him through the window as he came down the stairs. He looked absolutely gorgeous. He was wearing faded jeans and a black button down shirt with a white tee shirt underneath. His hair was sticking up wherever and I couldn't help but grin at the sight of him. Through the window our eyes locked for about a second, and I could feel myself blushing as he checked me out openly.

I looked down at me, suddenly feeling insecure. I was wearing a grey skirt with black boots that reached my knees and a top that had a really low neckline. I liked it and mom had convinced me to wear it; But suddenly I felt uncomfortable, so I pulled my coat tighter around me, wrapped the scarf protectively around my neck and dug my hands deep in the pockets of my coat. My exterior matched my interior now; I was feeling like an insecure little kid, maybe inadequate even.

He opened the door and stepped out, Once again our eyes met, this time it was him who broke contact.

"Hey!" he greeted me politely and buttoned up his jacket.

"Hey!" I shyly replied, feeling like a thirteen year old on the first date. _Stop it, Rory! That's not a date._ I scolded myself and started moving towards the Dragon Fly where the dinner would be held.

I felt like I should prepare him for whatever this evening might have in store for him.

"You want an advice?" He turned to look at me and raised his eyebrow when he heard my voice.

"Huh?" back to Mr. Monosyllabic

"Stay away from Miss Patty. Don't question it, just stay away." He nodded and repeated after me.

"Stay away from Miss Patty! Okay, got it." I liked the little banter between us, it made me relax.

"If Kirk asks you if you needed shampoo, politely decline. You wouldn't want your hair to fall out, now would you?" Forcefully he shook his head.

"Nope, definitively no. Stay away from Kirk also; dully noted." I laughed at the panic on his face when I mentioned the hair part. It was hilarious.

"So, you're a hair guy, huh?" I decided to be blunt and somehow daring, leaving the easy and comfortable path. I wanted to get to know him.

"Hair guy?" Jess once again raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, guys normally have at least one obsession. It's biceps, abs or hair."

Jess laughed at this and flashed me with one of his rare genuine smiles.

"That's one profound observation. And yes, from all the above, I'm most likely to be a hair guy." I tilted my head and tried to watch him without being noticed. Apparently I succeeded, because all the way to the Inn, I was able to cast glances, examining his profile, memorizing each and every freckle. We didn't continue with our conversation, but enjoyed having found some sort of common ground. When we reached the Dragon fly, I gave him a quick info about it, about Mom's and Sookie´s dream, about the Independence Inn that had caught fire and about the grand opening night, where it had all started with Mom and Luke, I only left out a small detail….When Jess was about to push open the door that would lead us into the entrance hall, I grabbed him by his elbow and slowly made him turn around.

"Just so you know, my mom knows." He wrinkled his forehead.

"Knows what?" but suddenly he realized what I had implied. He nodded.

"Does Luke know?" I shook my head no, making him sigh relieved in return.

"I guess I might survive the night then, huh?" I smiled and entered the Dragon Fly, taking in my surroundings.

The dining room was beautifully decorated, flowers, but not too many, dimly lit, one big table in the middle which was prettily set. A live band was playing softly in the background.

I walked around the room, greeting the guests, having small talk with some of them. My grandparents weren't able to make it, they were still out of town, and secretly I assumed that was one of the reasons mom had picked this date. They still didn't accept Luke as Mom's husband to be, still hoping that one day she'd find someone suitable in their eyes; someone she'd make a nice trophy wife. I suddenly realized that somewhere along my mindless strolling around the dining hall, I had lost Jess. I spotted him, sitting in one of the chairs near the fire place. The flames made his hair look black as he was sitting there, starring into space. My throat tightened at the sight and I could the tears forming in my eyes as I thought about the missed opportunity to clear the air, our status. Mom came rushing into the room, dragging Luke along with her, hands firmly intertwined. Despite Luke's annoyed expression I could tell that he was happy. They made each other happy, and I couldn't help but notice that I was somehow jealous. Mom whispered something in his ear which made Luke chuckle and then they came over to where I was standing.

"Hey, honey, let's take our seats, the dinner's almost ready, well, at least Sookie stopped hyperventilating about five minutes ago." Then she directed the words to her guests.

"Dinner's about to be serves, take your seats, please." The people started moving, looking for their designated seats. I swallowed as I saw that I was to sit next to Jess. Mom on my right side, Jess on my left and across from me Babette and Miss Patty. I sighed and put on a happy face, not wanting to destroy the cheery atmosphere and most of all, not making my mom feel sorry for me.

I sat down and shortly after Jess took his seat as well, placing his napkin on his lap. He leaned over and silently pointed across the table.

"Miss Patty?" I nodded and chuckled slightly.

"Miss Patty." I confirmed and took a sip of the wine being placed in front of me, needing something to occupy my hands with.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am so glad that you could make it, I'm happy to celebrate this special occasion with the ones I love." Mom looked down at me and smiled.

"Dig in, there will be dancing later!" she added when the waiters came rushing into the room.

And we all did. During the dinner, the conversations around the room were light, meaningless subjects were discussed, gossip exchanged. Suddenly Babette directed her attention to me.

"Rory, doll." She yelled from across the table. Silently I sighed; this woman just couldn't keep he voice down.

"Yeah, Babette?" I feared the worst.

"Where's that boyfriend of yours? The blond fox." She elbowed Miss Patty in the ribs.

"Yeah, Rory, he was real eye candy." I could feel the heat rise in my head, blushing I tried to come up with an answer.

"Well, unfortunately, we're not together anymore." I finally said, feeling that honesty might be the best way out. Babette and Miss Patty gasped in sync.

"Oh, doll, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, he didn't deserve you anyhow, right, Patty?" again she elbowed Miss Patty.

"Yes, it's a shame. You could make better." I wanted to laugh out loud at that comment, at how ridiculous this all seemed. I excused myself and got up, just as Miss Patty and Babette started interrogating Jess. I could feel his gaze follow me, as I opened the big front door and walked outside.

Once outside, I took a deep breath and sat down on the steps taking in my surroundings. It was full moon and the garden around the inn was beautifully lit by it. The trees seemed green even at night, and I could hear the swans quacking in the back, as if they were chatting with each other and I couldn't help but chuckle at how similar they seemed to Babette and Miss Patty. I heard the door open and footsteps approaching. Once again his scent gave him away, as he sat down next to me, stretching his feet.

"It's beautiful here." He whispered and I shivered at his voice.

"Yeah, it is." I whispered just as quietly. Long silence.

I felt like this was my opportunity, my chance to make things right. Take it or leave it, I silently repeated in my head all over again.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I didn't mean to upset you." I could fell Jess take in a deep breath.

"So, are we having the conversation now?" I turned my head and looked at him. He was starring straight ahead or so it seemed, but when I took a closer look, I could see that his eyes were closed. I was afraid to ask the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

"What conversation?" My voice was barely above a whisper. A deep intake of breath.

"About us." I closed my eyes as well, trying to maintain my composure.

"Is there an us?" nearly inaudible words came from my mouth as if I was afraid to say them out loud. I could see Jess tilt his head, shrugging his shoulders.

"You tell me!" silent tears were now streaming down my face as I tried to come up with something to say.

"I just broke up with my boyfriend." I chose to get it all out of my system.

"So I heard." Simple statement, he wasn't judging me.

"You're not over him?" he added and I noticed the insecurity in his voice. I stiffed a chuckle.

"I am so over him." Jess nodded and didn't question my answer.

"I'm scared." I repeated my words from earlier. Instantly Jess turned around, locking his eyes with mine, never breaking the contact. I could feel the heat radiating from his body as I noticed the movements of his chest. In….out….in…out. His breathing calmed me down.

"Scared of what?" this time I decided to be brave.

"Of what you make me feel." I could see in his eyes that he hadn't expected this answer, as his face became readable all of a sudden. Was it hope? Not a split second after, his face was blank again.

"What do I make you feel?" He inquired as he so desperately needed an answer, something he could work with.

"You make my legs go weak." I swallowed never breaking eye contact.

"You make my heart beat faster." He leaned forward.

"You make me feel things I have never felt before." He came even closer.

"You make me feel thing I hadn't thought I was capable of." Finally he rested his forehead against mine. I felt his breath on my face, drying my tears before they could reach my lips.

"I'm scared too." He closed his eyes.

"I am to damn scared of what's happening with me." his voice sounded sincere, but at the same time broken. I chuckled nervously.

"I don't even know you. I've known you for what? Two weeks?" Jess slightly shook his head, still touching my forehead.

"This is not about knowing the other's favorite ice cream brand, this is not about knowing the other's favorite color." He swallowed, continuing.

"This is about feelings, emotions. This is about the sparks, the moments when you think that maybe this could be it." I suddenly felt ridiculous.

"I don't wanna rush into things." I almost inaudibly expressed my fears.

"We don't have to rush into things, let's take it slow; let's get to know each other. Let's be friends." Friends? I didn't know if I was capable of being friends with him. But I nodded not wanting to miss this opportunity.

"And when we'd realize we can't stand each other on daily routine, we still will be glad that we tried it." He had taken the upper hand in this conversation, making my doubts go away, making my head spin at the prospect of the possibilities.

"Okay!" I opened my eyes just to see his lips lift up in a slight grin.

"Okay!" he confirmed, squeezing my hand that I hadn't noticed he had taken hold of.

I laughed out loud, suddenly feeling liberated. The demons in my chest finally calmed down.

"okay." I once again repeated and closed my eyes once again, enjoying his closeness.

"so." He softly pulled back and I couldn't help but feel cold at the loss of his skin on mine.

"You'd like to dance with a friend?" My eyes grew wide as I scanned his face, searching for any hint of sarcasm. I found none. I nodded as he pulled me up and wrapped an arm around my waist, giving me a quick peck on my head while doing so.

During this night at the Inn, I actually learned a lot about him. I could tell that he hated socializing, I could tell that he hated gossip, I could tell that he loved Luke in a weird twisted way, I could tell that he expressed himself with his eyes instead of using ambiguous words, I could tell that the openness we had shared earlier would be a rare occurrence but most importantly I realized that maybe we could make _this _work.

**So? What do you think? I had a hard time writing this chapter and I'm dying to find out what you think about it. Jess seems to be out of character, but I wanted him to be the one finally opening up. Please review, I haven't gotten many reviews for the last chapter. Just tell me what you think, even flames are appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, it was the one thing that kept me sane during a day of fighting, yelling, doctor's appointments and maybe shed tears, not to mention the fact that my damn car broke down in the middle of the freeway.**

**Dlsnotes: No, I won't write how they ended up in her bed, it might destroy the story, because I don't think, I'd be able to come up with something satisfying. Thanks for your review though.**

**Bittersweetbloodbaby: nice image! **

**Cecilie: Oh boy, I never even dreamed of my story being mentioned in the same sentence as Lux et Veritas, because I simply don't deserve it. Thank you so much!**

_Love is strong yet delicate._

_It can be broken._

_To truly love is to understand this._

_To be in love is to respect this._

-Stephen Packer-

**Rory´s POV: **

Steadily but slowly Jess and I formed a friendship. A friendship that went beyond sexual attraction and lust. We spent many nights in my apartment, some at his. We'd read, eat, talk; we'd just enjoy the company of the other. The tension between us was clearly palpable, stolen glances, innocent touches, like when he'd brush my hair out of my face as if it was bothering him. There were nights when I'd snuggle into him while watching a movie, his hand dangerously close to my stomach. He'd never make a move to break the unwritten law. He'd kiss my forehead when he thought I had fallen asleep, trailing a finger down my cheek ever so often. Even if I had been asleep I would have still noticed him touching me. I missed his skin on mine and it was driving me crazy even thinking about it. I wanted him so badly, but I had told him that I didn't want to rush into things and he respected that.

_Respect_, I mused. It was an unfamiliar feeling that Jess would respect me. Taking me seriously, challenging me at the same time to do the same. He had been the one to comfort me when I had learned that I had failed a class, he had been the one who pulled me close when I had had an argument with my dad, whispering simple soothing nothings in my ear as he let me soak his shirt. I had realized when to leave him alone, when to back off to give him some space. He'd never let it show when he was upset, but I had achieved to learn those things. That's the difference between us. Whenever I was upset or hurt, I needed him. Whenever he was upset or hurt (which he would never admit) he pulled away, not wanting to bother me with his issues. But in the inside I was dying to know his issues, being the one to comfort him, being the one he confesses his deepest secrets. But I had decided to give him space and time. I didn't wanna push him; I wanted him to be the one to make the first move.

Ever so often after our traditional nights we'd fall asleep together, in my bed, in his, on the couch. Subconsciously he'd pull me even closer, wrapping an arm protectively around my waist until my back would be flat against his chest. His clothed chest. He had told me once that he didn't know what would happen if he was to take off his shirt during those nights. I had silently looked at him and had nodded, understanding what he had been implying.

The conversation at my mom's engagement dinner was now two months ago, and I started to feel unsatisfied with the situation, so when my grandma called me to invite me to a party she'd be holding at her house, I didn't think twice who I should take with me.

Lane and I were sitting at the table in the kitchen, both nursing a cup of coffee when the doorbell started ringing. I jumped up expecting it to be Jess. I could hear Lane chuckle, choking on the coffee she had been inhaling. I shot her my famous withering stare and shrugged my shoulders while opening the door.

As I had expected Jess was standing there, smirking, holding a paper bag. He held up said bag and shook it.

"Breakfast anyone?" He asked and stepped into the common room. Lane squealed, jumped off the chair herself and grabbed the bag from Jess's hand.

"I knew there was a reason I tolerate you." She simply stated and took a bagel out of the bag.

"Now she only tolerates me." Jess chuckled.

"When you were wasted a couple of nights ago and I brought you home, because Rory couldn't carry you, I remember you telling me that you loved me." Jess added, smirking down at Lane.

"I thought we had agreed that we are never and I mean never ever gonna mention this night again. I had had a fight with Dave, okay? I was desperate." Lane mumbled and hid her face.

I beamed at the display in front of me. Lane getting along with Jess, bantering, making fun of each other. She was so different with Logan. Forced conversations, forced smiles, rolling her eyes whenever Logan had turned her back to him.

Jess and I took our seats and started to dig in.

"So Jess?" I asked a little insecure all of a sudden. He stopped eating and looked at me.

"Yeah?"

"I have something to run past you." Jess raised an eyebrow and put his bagel down.

"Why is it that I have a weird feeling in my gut?" I ignored his question and took a deep breath.

"My grandma is throwing a party and I was wondering if you'd like to come." Jess chuckled.

"Your grandma? As in Emily Gilmore?" I had told Jess all about my grandma and her condescending way of treating my mom and even me.

"Yeah" I replied carefully. Jess ran a hand through his hair, deep in thoughts.

"Luke told me that she had broken up your mom and Luke." Jess had stayed in touch with Luke since the dinner. Apparently Jess had spent a lot of time with Luke when he still had been a kid and than had lost contact with him when his mother's life started to go downhill. Now the two of them slowly rekindled their relationship.

"She's not that bad." Lane snored, mumbling something under her breath. I shot her a look.

"You're not helping, Lane." She shrugged her shoulders and dropped her head.

"Why don't you take Lane?" Lane started shaking her head violently.

"Jess, don't give her any ideas, man!" I was starting to get annoyed.

"Come on, Jess. I can't take Lane. That's pathetic."

"Thanks, you know, I'm sitting right here." She pointed to herself and shook her head.

I went over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You know what I mean." she pouted playfully.

"So?" I directed my attention to Jess once again who was still sitting in his chair, swallowing from time to time, and thinking about my proposal.

"Okay." I nodded his head and locked his eyes with mine.

"Okay?" I stupidity repeated. Not blinking once.

"Okay, but you owe me big time, Rory Gilmore." I squealed and ran over to him nearly knocking him off his chair while hugging him.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will make it up to you." I added suggestively and let it up to him how to take my words. He smirked.

"Lane, you're my witness, I'm gonna take her up on that." Lane looked from me to Jess and exclaimed.

"Hey, leave me out of this; I'm just an innocent bystander." Lane and I burst out laughing as I sat down again, happily munching my donut.

Jess wanted to pick me up at seven o'clock and now it was six fifty and I was still running around in my underwear. Lane hat left the earlier, she was gonna spend the night at Dave's, afraid of what she might run into later at night. It seemed as if Lane was slightly more convinced that Jess and I were gonna end up together. Tonight.

I sighed and put on my light blue dress and matching high heels. I once again brushed my hair and while applying my lipstick, the doorbell rang.

"It's open." I yelled. I heard footsteps coming closer and suddenly my door was pushed open, revealing a surprised Jess.

"You're ready." I nodded proudly.

"You've never been ready when I got here." I nodded again. I observed him through the mirror, letting my eyes travel up and down his body. He was wearing black slacks and a dark blue button down shirt. He looked absolutely stunning. He extended his arm dramatically as I swirled around.

"Shall we, milady?" I nodded once again as I grabbed his hand.

"So, your mom's not coming, huh?" I shook my head while looking out of the window; we were driving in his car since mine was at the shop.

"Nope, my grandma is still mad at her that she wasn't invited to the engagement dinner." He looked confused.

"But didn't you say that your grandparents had been out of town that day?"

"Your point?" I smiled at him as he was shaking his head in amazement.

"What have I gotten myself into?" he mumbled under his breath and started driving even faster.

"Welcome to the party, may I take your coats?" the maid greeted us when we entered the mansion. Jess looked around with wide eyes, trying to take it all in.

"They better have beer here." I rolled my eyes and handed the still waiting maid our coats, trying not to say something like "hey you rhymed."

I grabbed Jess's hand and started to mingle with the rest of the guests. Subconsciously I held tightly on to Jess's hand, not wanting to break contact, silently encouraging him to relax.

I could feel him calm down under my touch as he squeezed my hand tightly from time to time, telling me with his actions that he was indeed okay.

"Rory, I'm so glad that you could make it." I swirled around coming face to face with my grandpa. I subconsciously let go of Jess's hand, not noticing the fact that Jess had once again tensed up.

"Grandpa, I told you that I would come." I hugged him and pointed to Jess.

"Grandpa, meet my friend Jess Mariano." Jess accepted Grandpa's outstretched hand and shook it slightly, nodding his head.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Gilmore." Grandpa eyed Jess curiously and returned the greeting.

"Nice to meet you too, Jess. What do you do?" I was surprised at how comfortable Jess seemed to be talking to my Grandpa.

"Oh, I attend Yale, That's where we´ve met." He pointed to me and I gave him a small smile. My mood dropped though when he didn't return the gesture.

"What are you majoring in?" Leave it up to Grandpa to interrogate people.

"English." Grandpa beamed.

"Oh, that's nice. Do I happen to know your parents?" Jess shook his head.

"I doubt it actually." Grandpa nodded and continued.

"It was nice meeting you, Jess. Rory I want you to meet a couple of my friends later, they are fine men, but I have to leave you two now. Greet guests." He rolled his eyes as if he wasn't quite pleased with this obligation. I nodded my head and took a glass of water from the tray of the passing waiter. I eyed Jess strangely.

"You okay?" he shrugged, not meeting my eyes.

"Just peachy." I sighed defeated by his sarcasm and let it go. I started to move again and Jess followed me reluctantly.

"Rory Gilmore?" I turned around as someone said my name. Suddenly a guy about my age appeared in front of me.

"Yeah?" I had no idea who the guy was standing there.

"Oh, a pleasure to meet you. I'm Rick Stiles. Your grandmother and my mother are in the DAR together." I shook his hand when he continued.

"Your grandmother actually suggested that I keep you company." I turned around, looking for a way out. I sighed relieved when I spotted Jess right behind me.

"Rick, nice to me you. This is Jess." Rick scanned Jess and smiled politely.

"Boyfriend?" he asked nonchalantly but before I could reply Jess cut in.

"Nope, just a friend." He said curtly and with a forced smile.

"Good. Good." He started to stare at me.

"Good, then it won't be awkward to ask you out, right?" I swallowed. Did he just ask me out?

"I'm sorry?" I didn't know what to say, think even.

"Do you wanna go out sometimes? I know a couple of fancy restaurants you might enjoy." Before I could politely decline someone came up behind me.

"Rick, don't be silly. Of course she's gonna go out with you. Right Rory?" Grandma looked at me with expectant eyes, smiling. What was I to say? Well actually, I could have grown a backbone and tell her that I was old enough to make my own decision but instead I opened mouth to say the most stupid thing in the world.

"Sure." My grandma clapped her hands together.

"Oh that's so nice. You're gonna be perfect together." With that Grandma turned on her heels, heading to the back of the room to chat with some other guests.

Rick stared at me.

"Tomorrow sounds good to you?" I nodded not knowing what to say, excused myself and turned around, half expecting to see Jess starring at me, but he wasn't there. I scanned the room and saw that the door to the patio was open. I walked over there and sure there was Jess, sitting on one of the chairs, smoking a cigarette. I hesitantly stepped on the patio, afraid of what he had to say to me.

"Hey, why did you leave?" I asked whispering. He looked at me with an expressionless face.

"Didn't want to interrupt the perfect couple. I was acting like a friend." He shrugged and took

another long drag.

"Don't do this, Jess." I almost inaudibly begged him.

"Do what?" I gesticulated from him to me.

"This." I was in a loss of words. I hurt him. Jess chuckled sadly.

"So, this is what it's gonna be like?" I was too scared to ask what he meant.

"I don't fit into your world, so you simply deny me?" I shook my head violently.

"Jess!" I exclaimed at a moderate volume. Loud enough to shake him up but still quiet enough so people wouldn't notice.

"Don't you Jess me! I was standing there like a total moron, listening to that guy asking you out. I half expected you to laugh in his face, telling him something about not knowing him, telling him that you weren't interested, but then I heard you say "sure" and I couldn't help but wonder what the hell is going on here. With us." I swallowed as the tears threatened to come.

"I told you I didn't want to rush into things and I thought you respected this." Jess stood up, leaning close to me.

"That is so not the fucking point, Rory. And you know it. Don't want to rush into things my ass. That guy just asked you out and you agreed. Excuse me, but I don't really get that. I though we were trying to go somewhere, but apparently I was wrong." I stared at him and suddenly it hit me. The guy had just asked me out and I had agreed. Oh shit. Jess got up and started to walk away. I grabbed his arm.

"Jess, please don't walk away." He glanced at me one more time and said.

"Nothing keeps me here. Ask Richy Rich over there." He pointed to the house.

"I'm sure he'll be very glad to give you a ride back home." He added and walked away in a hurry, leaving me standing there on the patio, tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't help but know that I had screwed up majorly, royally!

Shortly after him I left the party, after having told my grandma to stay out of my life, that I was actually able to make my own decisions.

I hailed a cab that would cost me a fortune and gave the driver the address to Jess's apartment. I wanted to clear this thing, I wanted to apologize, I wanted to ask him to forgive me, that I hadn't been thinking straight. I climbed up the stairs, preparing to wait for him even if it would take all night before he'd be home. I took out a book out of my purse and started reading waiting for Jess to come home. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs about two hours after I had settled down on the floor in front of Jess's apartment. I was prepared for a fight, yelling, an argument; I was prepared for overpowering passion, emotions, tears and maybe even sex. What I wasn't prepared for was a girl's face being plastered to Jess's, moaning.

Jess's back was facing me so he didn't see my face as I started to cry involuntarily. He turned around when my sobs became audible. Total shock on his face, eyes wide open.

He instantly pushed the girl back and came over to where I was sitting, knees up my chest, like a lost kid.

I jumped up as he said my name softly.

"Rory, I'm…." I didn't let him finish his sentence.

I slapped him across the face, the sound of it echoing through the hallway.

"You're such a fucking hypocrite." I yelled and started to descend the stairs, my vision blurring and all I could think of was that I had to get out of here. I didn't hear him shouting my name as I stumbled out the front door.

**DUCK please, don't hit me; I thought I might spice it up a little. Please review; it'll make it all worth it. Again I had a hard time writing this chapter but please tell me what you think. Thanks and review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks again for your reviews.**

**Lee: I was laughing so hard while reading your review; you sure do like swearing, don't you? **

**LexyLovinMilo: nope, I don't try to kill you, thanks for your review though.**

**Here we go again, I hope you're gonna enjoy it.**

**So, it's official: Amy and Daniel are not coming back for another season. I am still in denial although I am still not happy with the way they left things with Jess. They ARE the creators of this fabulous show and it makes me sad to know that they're abandoning their "baby".**

**Rory´s POV:**

I was broken, empty, as if some had sucked life itself out of me, but I was determined to block it out. If I would just shut my eyes tightly enough I would be able to erase this feeling from my mind, the feeling of betrayal-both sides- , the feelings of loss –both sides?-, the feeling of pain-once again both sides?-. Jess hadn't tried to contact me since that night, and I couldn't help but wish that maybe he'd tried harder.

Lane wouldn't stop pushing me, begging me to let her in, to tell her what the hell had happened. I finally had broken down, telling her about the specific night.

**Flashback**

I was sitting at the kitchen table, because I just simply couldn't stand being in my room anymore. I had been studying non stop during the last couple of days, trying to occupy my mind with something else than Jess Mariano. _Bastard_ my heart kept screaming, but my mind kept telling me that this was entirely my fault. Failure at relationships, failure at something that could have easily developed into something huge, breathtaking. _Love?_ Apparently I didn't know a damn thing about love or why was it that I carelessly let it slip beneath my fingers. I scolded myself for even thinking that whatever I was feeling for Jess might be love. I was even angrier with myself that I had let myself fall for him. I was sitting there at the kitchen table, trying to get the work done, and all I could think of was Jess's eyes, laughing, smirking. His eyes, shut tightly when he'd kiss me. The silent moans that would escape his mouth when I would be kissing him, teasing him by pulling away ever so often. His hands as they traveled down my body, making me go blind. His face when he'd listen intensely to me rambling about school, my mom, my dad. His collar bones that define his thorax, meeting in the middle of his sternum, forming a triangle whenever he'd swallow or take a deep breath. His legs intertwined with mine, making me go crazy whenever he'd brush them against mine. Had he been doing this on purpose to get a reaction out of me? Lane shook me out of my memories as she silently put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. She sat down next to me, eying me curiously. I avoided her eyes by fixing mine on the book in front of me.

"You wanna tell me, what's going on?" Lane asked me in a low voice, trying to calm me down with her words. As Lane was watching me closely, I suddenly felt all the emotions coming to the surface, boiling up inside of me. I broke down and told her all about what was bothering me. She let me rant, never interrupting me once, not saying a word, even her face was expressionless. When I was done I looked up at her and expected her to feel for me, to be as sad as I was, but her reaction took me by surprise.

"You're stupid." I was stunned, scanning her face for any hint of sarcasm. I found none.

"Excuse me?" Lane shook her head and got up.

"You were sitting at the exact same spot about two months ago, after you had known him only for two weeks. Two weeks, Rory and you already told me that maybe this was it. Damnit, you both screwed up. Yes, you shouldn't have said yes to that guy and yes again, Jess definitely shouldn't have gone out and pick up another girl." I flinched at the memory.

"But, do you really think this is all worth it? You are miserable, Rory. You have been studying non stop for the last couple of days. We're not in kindergarten anymore, we're adults, grown-ups, it's time you actually start acting like one, Rory. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is apparently what is bothering you and that's why it is bothering me as well, because of my status as your best friend, I felt like I should finally tell you this. Stop being afraid, Rory. If you don't risk getting hurt, you won't experience what it feels to be loved." I dropped my head and thought about Lane's words. I came to the conclusion that she was right, for once, I should actually act my age. Suddenly I felt so small, so inadequate. I was determined to make things right again. I got up, tears blurring my vision as I went over to Lane and hugged her tightly.

"Thanks." I whispered in her ear.

"I really needed that." I added and buried my head in her shoulder. She pulled away after a few moments and looked at me with expectant eyes.

"So, what's the plan?" She finally asked. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

"I have an idea, but I have to do this on my own." I let go off her and was about to leave the kitchen when I turned around once again.

"Thanks for being you, Lane." Lane smiled at me.

"I try." I nodded my head one last time and went to my room.

**Flashback end**

Frantically I searched my room for a clean sheet of paper. When I finally had found one, I grabbed a pen and scribbled down a few words.

"_I miss you. I'm sorry, Rory!"_

I folded the paper neatly and left the apartment. I still remembered Jess's schedule by heart and so I knew that he wouldn't be home yet.

I reached his apartment and tried to steady my breath from running up the stairs. I took one last glance at the paper and finally worked up the courage as I let it slip beneath his door, making it impossible for me to get it back. I took a deep breath and descended the stairs once again, allowing myself to smile, a real smile in what felt like ages.

I wandered around New Haven, feeling deliberated, taking in the spring air, the stupid smile still plastered on my face. I had done the right thing. Finally!

When I got back to my apartment the sun had already set and the darkness of my apartment welcomed me with open arms. Still smiling, not turning on the lights, I took off my coat, throwing it on the floor, my shoes followed. Barefooted I fully entered the apartment. I felt something under my foot, making me stop in my tracks. I turned on the lights and leaned down to get a look at what was lying on the floor. It was a sheet of paper, matching the one I had slipped beneath Jess's door a couple of hours ago. I picked it up and read it.

_I miss you. I'm sorry, Jess._

My face lit up and beaming I went into my room, clutching the little sign of hope to my chest as I got ready for bed.

I woke up the next morning, feeling slightly happier than I had for a long time. Lane wasn't home, since she had once again stayed at Dave's place. I didn't know I'd start a tradition when I again ripped off a sheet of paper from my legal pad and wrote what came to my mind first.

_I shouldn't have said yes. I wasn't even thinking. I'm not happy with the way things are._

I read it once again, shutting my eyes tightly and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

I dropped the note off at his place on my way to campus. During my classes I wasn't able to concentrate, all I could think about was the feeling in my chest that maybe a matching note could be lying in my common room. When the professor finally dismissed my class, I practically ran out of the class room, eagerly wanting to get home. As I had expected, well hoped actually, a note awaited me when I entered my apartment. I recognized his handwriting immediately from the words he had written in the margins of my books.

_I am not exactly happy with the situation either. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But I can't make it undone. I wish I could, but unfortunately that's life._

Jess's sober way of thinking made me wonder if I had started to overanalyze things. What if I expected too much from life? From Jess, from myself?

I sat down on the couch, reading his words all over again, trying to figure out what the hell I was feeling. Confusion? Anger? Loss? It was clear to me that things would have to be discussed, analyzed, put into the open, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but think that it may all be worth it. Jess might be worth it. I looked around in the room: familiar furniture, the TV starring back at me, the telephone was sitting silently on the coffee table. This was home, I had made something out of my life and finally I had the chance to experience something bigger, something that may be that last missing piece in my puzzle. To make me feel whole. In order to achieve that I had to risk something; Lane had made that all too clear to me. I stooped to pick up my purse lying at my feet. I took out a piece of paper and a pen and once again started communicating, in a weird way some might say, but at least this was a start. Obviously I had to face him some day, but I just wasn't ready yet. Some might call it immature, for me it was a big obstacle. One I had to overcome. The final step I had to take that would lead me from childhood to maturity. This is nothing compared to losing your virginity or going off to college, this was what life should be all about. Falling and being caught in the fall. Allowing one person to be the one who catches you. One person you're not scared of confessing you darkest secrets to. The one who would see you in the morning and still think you're the most beautiful person in the world. The one you don't have to tell that you need him, but who sees it right in your eyes. The one person you fight with but at the same time you will make up with undoubtedly along the way. The person who makes you so mad that you could cry, because where emotions are involved, everything comes crashing down once in a while.

_What should we do about the situation? _I folded the paper neatly and got up.

The minute I got to his apartment I could hear the music blaring from the inside._ The Violent Femmes_; I smiled and let the note slip silently beneath the door and ran back home.

When I got home, Lane was out rehearsing with her band as she had told me in the morning. I welcomed the fact that the apartment was silent and that I could settle down and think. What did I want from life? The decisions in my life that I had made. Had I just made them to please other people, was I so weak that I couldn't stand disappointing people. In order to make other people happy, you have to make yourself happy; that's what my mom had told me all over again while I was growing up. It was her way of showing me that it was important to love yourself in order to make other people love you. I couldn't help but wonder if I loved myself enough to make Jess fall for me. Somewhere along my thoughts I had drifted off to sleep. I woke up by a noise coming from the door. I was too afraid of who might be behind the door, so I leaned back in my bed, trying to steady my breath, hoping that it might be Jess, telling me what to do about the situation. When I was sure that whoever had been at my door was gone, I quickly jumped up from my bed and surely there it was. A note, lying in my common room on the floor, waiting to be read. I went over to where the paper was lying and picked it up with trembling fingers.

_I'm not the one to make decisions for you. You have to figure this out on your own. But maybe we should try the whole honesty thing. It may be worth it_

Silent tears were escaping my eyes. Jess wouldn't push me. He was the one person that would let me decide on my own, although it might hurt him. He's giving me back part of my individuality and I was thankful for that.

With shaking hands I wrote the most honest thing I had ever written before.

_You want to know the truth? Here's some truth: It's the way you make me laugh when I don't even want to smile. This is me telling you that I am falling for you, Jess. Hard._

I took a deep breath as I reread my words. This was now the time to finally work up the courage to face him. I wouldn't slip the note silently beneath his door; I would be doing this face to face, because that's what adults do. I tried to get up from the couch, but my legs wouldn't move, the kitchen suddenly seemed very far away and there was no way in hell I would be going facing the biggest challenge of my life without having drowned a decent cup of coffee. I concentrated really hard on getting my body up, but nothing happened. My heart was beating fast at the prospect of what I had to do. That's right. I had to do it, for my own good, for Jess's own good, for Lane's own good, but most importantly I had to learn a life lesson, not backing off, jumping right into the challenges that life was throwing at me, although I was scared shitless. I shook my head, now I was even swearing in my thoughts, but maybe that just reflected the battle inside of me. Screw my pro-con lists, I had made up my mind and I was not gonna chicken out. I tried to steady my breathing, silently counting up to ten. When I had reached nine I got up and strolled into the kitchen, making me a cup of coffee. I forced myself not to sit down, because I knew that the minute I would settle down, I would start thinking again and I was tired of thinking, tired of overanalyzing, tired of being afraid. The beep- sound of the coffeemaker signalized that it was done and I poured myself a cup, the tiny piece of paper still tightly clutched in my hand. I hastily finished my cup of coffee, nearly burning my esophagus as it finally reached my stomach. I took one last glance in the mirror, giving my reflection an okay, grabbed my purse and keys and went out of the apartment, slamming the door behind me.

I no longer had control over my neural system as I climbed up the stairs that would lead me to his apartment. When I was about to knock on his door, I thought I might be sick, my knees felt like pudding and I was sure I was gonna faint every minute now. I covered my face with my hands, shaking my head violently as I was asking myself all over again what the hell I was actually doing here. _The right thing_, my mind reminded me as I finally lifted my hand up to knock on his door, too afraid of using the doorbell. I dropped my head as I waited for him to acknowledge the fact that someone was here to see him. In….out…in….out. Now I even had remind myself to keep on breathing. It felt like an eternity for me as I was standing there in front of his door, waiting for the verdict. I couldn't get my brain to work properly, everything I had planned on saying suddenly not accessible anymore. My hands were cold and sweaty and I nearly chocked when I heard footsteps approaching. I took a step back, and I had to force myself not to turn around and run away, never to look back again, but the sudden opening of the door made this option go away.

Jess popped his head out and looked at me with wide eyes. Before he could say anything I brushed past him into his apartment.

He followed me and shut the door, turning around, facing me. Even if he had been a person who could be easily read, I wouldn't be able to, because my mind was blank. I extended my hand in a fast movement, surprising him.

"Here." I handed him the crumpled note. I watched as his facial expression changed from surprise to understanding to-maybe- hope? It shouldn't have taken him that long to read the note, after all it wasn't that long and I had thought that I had made myself pretty clear.

When he finally looked up again, his face was once again expressionless.

"You don't have to say anything, you know. I just wanted to try the whole honesty thing." I started ranting when I saw that he opened his mouth to talk. Suddenly I was very afraid; afraid that I had made a fool out of myself, afraid of rejection, afraid of getting hurt. I had put myself in a vulnerable position and now I was waiting for the verdict, although I really didn't want to hear what he had to say. Suddenly I felt exhausted, emotionally drained, worn out, tired. I felt my throat tighten, swallowing suddenly becoming an issue. I dropped my head and let out a deep breath.

"Please, Jess. Say something." I whispered, my words coming out in short waves.

I didn't know what was happening, I couldn't tell the difference between red and black anymore, I couldn't remember the author of _The Fountainhead _anymore, if someone was to ask for my name, I wouldn't be able to answer that, all I could think of was that suddenly Jess's lips were on mine, kissing me desperately, begging me to let him in. He bended his knees and lifted me up, so that my feet were a couple of inches above the ground. I could feel his body moving against mine as he pulled me closer. His breathing went in sync with mine as we deliberately started exploring each other again. Hands, mouths, bodies, tongues, teeth; I couldn't tell which parts of my body belonged to mine anymore. I felt like laughing, crying, ripping his clothes off, making him feel the exact same things that I was experiencing right now. He trailed kisses down my face, cheek bones, eyes, nose, finally pressing his lips on my forehead lingering there.

"I thought I didn't have to say anything." He whispered against my forehead, his lips never leaving my skin, caressing me with the movement of his lips at the same time. I chuckled and pulled him even closer so that my chin was resting on his shoulder. I could feel the heat radiating from his body as he stroked my back, leaving soft kisses on my neck. I let out a protesting moan as he pulled away. We locked eyes and a millisecond before his lips could reach mine again I heard him whisper.

"This is me showing you that I am falling for you, Rory. Hard." He quoted my words from the note and crashed his lips to mine, breathing through his nose, tickling my face. I smiled into the kiss. He definitely wasn't a man of many words, but I knew that I could cope with that. He finally made me feel again, he finally made me feel alive.

**I am definitely not satisfied with this chapter, I don't know why, but I had a really hard time writing it. I hope you enjoyed it, seriously I do. Let me know what you think about it, your reviews make my day. Thanks for reading. Review! **


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry to bother you guys, this is not an update and yes I am well aware of the fact that I shouldn't be posting an A/N this way, but I noticed that my story updates wouldn't appear on the main page, meaning only readers who have the story on the alert list can read it. And I don't know what to do about it, I don't want to delete and repost the story because that would mess with the alerts etc. Any ideas? To those who are actually still reading, the next chapter should be up by Monday. Any suggestions are welcome!

Thank you and sorry to bother you with an A/N,

LitGG1982


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for your kind words and for your help. My story actually appeared on the main site once again. Thanks!**

**Sorry for the delay, but life was kinda hectic over the Easter holiday, I hope you had a good time.**

**Rory´s POV: directly follows the last chapter.**

The annoying sound of my cell phone woke me up the next morning. Groggily I patted over to the nightstand and frowned. Where my nightstand should be, it simply wasn't. Lazily I opened my eyes, only to see Jess's sleeping figure next to me. His hair was a mess, and suddenly I became aware of a weight around my waist. His arms were securely wrapped around it and he subconsciously had tightened his grip on me when I had been moving to grab the cell phone. I smiled, closed my eyes once again and listened to Jess's incoherent rambling.

"Go back to sleep. Sleep good, getting up bad." Sleepily I squeezed his hand that was pressed firmly against my stomach. For a minute I allowed myself to snuggle even deeper into his embrace, feeling his hot skin against my back, when my cell phone started ringing once again. I sighed, unwrapped his arms softly and got up to get my phone.

"Where the hell are you?" Lane's voice greeted me rather harshly, worried even, and it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't left her a message about my whereabouts.

"Lane, I'm sorry, I totally forgot to tell you." I whispered so I wouldn't wake up Jess who was still lying in his bed.

"Forgot to tell me what? I was worried sick about you, Rory. Where are you? I didn't wanna call your mom, because we both know that she would have freaked out. You could have been kidnapped for all I know." Lane rambled and I couldn't help but smile at her over protectiveness

"I am okay." I replied, knowing that she wouldn't be satisfied with the answer. And I was right.

"Where are you? Sorry if it's redundant, but when I got up this morning and you weren't home, I freaked out. Now tell me, where the hell you are." I took a deep breath and whispered.

"I'm at Jess's place." Silence, then a knowing:

"Oh my!" I chuckled slightly.

"Oh my indeed." I replied almost inaudibly.

"Why are you whispering?"

"I don't wanna wake him up." I smiled at how ridiculous this was. I heard a grunt from the background and a muffled "too late". I turned around and found Jess starring at me through half closed eyes and I couldn't help but think that this might be the sexiest sight ever. I chuckled to myself and made my way over to the bed, cell phone still tightly held in my hand.

"You mean, you actually slept at all last night?" I could hear Lane chuckle on the other line as I crawled back to bed, Jess's arms welcoming me.

"Dirty!" I shot and relaxed at Jess's touch as he started to draw lazy circles on my stomach.

I tried to grab his hands to stop him from going any further what simply would have been quite inappropriate with Lane still on the phone. Silence settled over us as I tried to suppress to urge to fully relax against him.

"Okay, you haven't said anything for the last two minutes, you're either already asleep again or doing something I don't wanna know, so I take this as my sign to hang up. One last thing though. Tell Jess that if he hurts you, he's gonna be dead meat." I chuckled and said good bye. Jess sighed and started to trail kisses down my neck, biting me ever so often along his way to my collar bones. My eyes closed involuntarily and a silent moan escaped my mouth.

"what." A soft bite on my neck.

"did." His tongue brushed my earlobe.

"She want?" his mouth hanging dangerously close to mine. Out eyes locked and it seemed as time had stopped. I took a deep breath.

"She wants me to tell you that if you hurt me, you're gonna be dead meat." Jess blinked once, twice and pulled back slightly.

"Huh!" back to Mister monosyllabic. My hands found his bare chest and I softly started to trace the contours of his muscles. Neither of us broke eye contact when I whispered carefully.

"She is just really over protective; she wants me to be happy." Now Jess was the one to break eye contact and plopped down next to me, facing me, but still avoiding my eyes.

"I can't promise that I won't hurt you. But I'll be damned if I did it on purpose." I nodded my head, leaning forward resting my forehead against his.

"I know, Jess. I don't want you to promise, because then you'd be lying. And we agreed on the whole honesty thing, right?" now it was his turn to nod as he wrapped his arms around me once again, pulling me on top of him. I was lying there on his chest and I never felt happier.

"Are you?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Am I what?" Jess locked his eyes with mine again, biting his bottom lip.

"happy." He replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I nodded furiously, mumbling into his chest.

"Yeah." I felt as he tightened his hold on me.

"Good, because I am as well." I smiled although he couldn't see it, but I was somehow sure that he would sense it through my movements as I settled down on his chest once again, resting my chin on his sternum, kissing him softly.

He seemed to be deep in thoughts, because he simply remained silent. I didn't mind the silence, and he didn't either apparently. After what seemed to be an eternity, he spoke up once again.

"You know, it's nice to have someone who cares about you. Lane just really cares about you." He whispered almost inaudibly and my throat tightened at the realization that maybe he didn't have that certain someone, and silently I promised myself that _this _would be more than just a romantic relationship, I promised myself that we'd be friends. Maybe this was all supposed to be. I frowned at my thoughts, _relationship? _I didn't even know what we were.

"Jess?" I asked finally, wanting to clear the status of our relationship.

"Hmm?" he replied lazily, still not loosening his tight grasp on me.

"What are we?" I could hear him take a deep breath.

"Human beings?" he answered just as softly, mocking me. I pinched his chest lightly.

"You know what I mean." I replied accusingly. Jess shook his head, chuckling; his laugh making his chest vibrate.

"No, tell me, what you mean." Leave it to Jess to make me confess. Make me question myself, make me open up.

"Is there an us?" I finally gathered my courage and squeezed the words out of my mouth.

"Is this supposed to be a philosophical question, because lemme tell you, I failed that class." I sighed frustrated.

"God, Jess. Why are you making this so hard?" we weren't arguing, he was just teasing me.

"Makes life more interesting." He replied with a fake calmness that made me go nuts. I didn't want to ask him if he was my boyfriend, that sounded so lame in my head.

"Okay, here we go. Let's see. Imagine, we're walking around the campus and we run into a friend of mine, and it's common politeness that I somehow introduce the two of you. What should I be telling him who you are?"

"Him?" I could practically see him raising an eyebrow. I sighed frustrated.

"Him or her, what does it matter?" I shot at him, slowly getting annoyed at his mind games.

He shifted in his position and leaned his head against the wall behind his bed, taking me with him, so that my face was now buried in his chest.

"This is Jess, my boyfriend." I let out a relieved sigh and snuggled deeper into him, hiding my face in his armpit.

"Now was that so hard?" I sarcastically asked him and couldn't help but chuckle slightly.

He shook his head.

"Hey, Rory?" I resurfaced from my hiding spot and looked at him.

"Yeah?" I asked expectantly.

"If you ever wanna know something, anything, don't be afraid to ask, okay?" I stretched my neck to give him a small peck on his Adam's apple.

"okay." Simple statement.

"okay." He replied and pulled the blanket over our heads so that it now resembled a tent. A hiding spot where nothing else mattered but the two of us. He rolled me over, lying on top of me and nibbled at my bottom lip, begging me to let him in. I happily obliged as we started our own battle of passion; one that was slowly getting out of hand. When he finally pulled back, I let out a protesting moan. He traced my face with his fingers, staring with my eyebrows, nose, cheek bones, finally resting on my lips. I parted my lips slightly and started to suck on his finger.

"Hi girlfriend." He whispered softly and locked his eyes with mine.

"Sounds good doesn't it?" I whispered just as softly. A millisecond before his lips descended on mine again, he replied.

"Sure does!" the passion in his voice let me forget everything as I kissed him back eagerly, not wanting to waste a moment. He easily slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers that I was wearing and started exploring me as if it was for the first time.

When we were finally freed of all clothes and as he was about to enter me, I couldn't help but think that all of this could have happened sooner. This wasn't sex, this was love making, and although I had always thought that this specific term was corny, I smiled to myself and came to the conclusion that maybe I hadn't experienced it before.

We cried out at the same time, reaching our climax together and when he pulled back afterward just to position me against his chest a second later, I had tears in my eyes, and for once they weren't sad tears.

We snuggled into each other, comforting each other with our irregular breathing and when he got up finally to take a shower, I couldn't help but follow him.

**I know, total fluff, but it was fun writing this chapter. I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me what you think about it. What's your favourite part? Review and I will love you forever!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for the delay, but I had so much going on in my life, anyhow thank you for your reviews, I was and still am totally overwhelmed by the response I'm getting.**

**Disclaimer (which I forgot the last couple of chapters): friends call me Amy, of course I own them :-) anyhow, what do you guys think about Amy and Dan abandoning their baby? Actually I am a bit scared, but we will see.**

**In this chapter I'm gonna introduce Liz, she may come off as the total freak, but I am portraying her after my ex´s mother. I hate it when they wanna be your best friend just because you're dating their son. Read, maybe even enjoy and please review, I haven't gotten many for the last chapter, but I am glad people are still reading. **

**Rory´s POV:**

"Jess?" I asked as we were lying on his old, worn couch, snuggling into each other so that we would both fit on it. Not that I minded the closeness.

"Hmm?" he lazily replied while stroking my stomach. It was Friday and we had just gotten out of class and Jess had this weird habit of taking a nap afterwards.

"Let's go to Stars Hollow." I could feel him tense up so I took his hand off my stomach and intertwined our fingers, stroking the back of his hand lightly.

"No?" It was more a statement than a question. My other hand traveled down his thigh, resting just above his knee.

"Please?" I begged; I wanted him to tag along. I had told mom about us, but I wanted her to see us together, I wanted to show her just how happy Jess made me. It would mean a lot to me. I started rubbing his knee.

"You can keep rubbing my thigh as long as you want, I'm not going." I pouted and withdrew my hand from his body.

"Why not?" I asked, wanting to know why the hell he wouldn't wanna go.

"Because." Was his childish answer, but I wouldn't give in.

"Because why?" Jess sat up and took me with him.

"Because I hate to be judged by people who don't even know me." I looked him in the eye and sighed.

"No one's gonna judge you, Jess." He snorted instead of giving a reply.

"Come on, it might be fun." Jess closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

"This is fun." As if to underline his statement, he pulled me closer to his body and leaned in, kissing my neck softly.

I tried to pull away, but he was holding me too tightly; I sighed into his mouth and kissed him back. It was as if I just couldn't resist him. I explored his mouth, trailing my tongue along his teeth.

A content moan escaped my mouth and Jess pulled back.

"See!" he stated and smirked at me.

"This is fun." He added and captured my lips once again.

"We can have fun in Stars Hollow, too, you know." I could see the doubt in his eyes, and maybe something that resembled defeat. I got up suddenly and grabbed my bag from the floor.

I headed to the door and turned around once again, smiling.

"I'm gonna pick you up in an hour, have your stuff packed, we're staying overnight." Jess shook his head and mumbled something under his breath that vaguely sounded like.

"What have I gotten myself into?

Exactly an hour later I was once again standing in Jess's apartment. He had a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and a scowl on his face.

I walked over to him and beamed.

"Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're scowling?" I whispered suggestively in his ear and pecked him quickly on the lips. He let the duffel bag fall from his shoulder and pulled me closer to his body. Well, an hour later wouldn't hurt, right? With that thought in mind I led him into his bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt on the way, never breaking the kiss.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

We arrived in Stars Hollow two hours later than I had intended and headed straight to the diner, where as I had thought, Mom was sitting at the counter, nursing a cup of coffee, talking to Luke in excitement.

The bell above the door announced our arrival as Jess and I entered the diner holding hands. His hair was a mess and I was sure everybody in here could tell what we had been doing.

"Offspring of mine, how much have I missed you?" Mom exclaimed and I let go off Jess's hands to greet my mom.

"I expected you to be here two hours ago." Mom said with a smile on her face.

"I got distracted." I whispered and blushed slightly as mom looked over to where Jess was standing.

"Ah, I see. So everything's good, huh?" I couldn't help but smile as I mumbled under my breath, still trying to make the blush go away.

"Very good indeed." Jess came over to us and sat down next to me at the counter.

"Hey, Lorelai." He greeted my mom and I begged mom silently to not say a word.

"Hey, Jess. Glad you could make it." He shook his head.

"As if I had the chance." He replied and despite the sound of his voice he couldn't hide the smirk that was appearing on his face.

"That's the Gilmore charm, my friend. Try to get used to it." Mom said nonchalantly and sipped her coffee.

Suddenly Luke appeared from behind the curtain, flushed and slightly angry. I looked at him curiously and asked for a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Rory I didn't see you there." He replied distracted and poured me a cup of coffee avoiding my eyes, then he directed his attention to Jess.

"Hey, Jess. Coffee?" I looked surprised at mom and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"What's wrong with him? Giving me coffee without arguing, and I swear he is avoiding my eyes." Mom giggled.

"He still thinks you're a kid and he's not very comfortable with you and Jess. I told him about how you two have met." I again blushed and slapped mom playfully on the back.

"Mom!" I exclaimed but I knew there was no point of being upset.

"Plus, he's got a visitor, two actually who he is not very fond of apparently." She added and that got my interest. Before I could inquire any further, the curtain that hid the stairs leading up to the small apartment above was pushed away and a woman about forty came into view. She had blond hair and was about my height. She went behind the counter and followed Luke around.

"Come on, bro. This is gonna be fun. Like a family reunion." Bro? Was she Luke's sister? That meant…

I heard Jess take a deep breath next to me and I thought I heard him whisper something under his breath. "Fleet or fight? Fleet or fight?"

"Lorelai, tell him that this is gonna be fun. The four of us having dinner. You, Luke, T.J. and…." She trailed off, her eyes wide open, apparently she had spotted Jess who had made no move of indicating that he was here as well.

"Jess, my boy!" She exclaimed and ran over to him, pulling him into a hug.

"I had no idea that you were coming, what are you doing here anyway? Man, this is fate! I knew that something magical was gonna happen today. I knew it. T.J. knew it as well." She still didn't let go off Jess and finally he returned the gesture and hugged her back.

"T.J.?" was all that Jess got out. His expression blank, his usual self. The woman that apparently was indeed Jess's mother pulled back.

"T.J. My man, he's the one. I swear, you're gonna like him. He's great." I wondered silently where Jess had gotten his lack of communication from; it definitely wasn't from his mom. I observed Jess as his jaw tensed and the way he put his hands into his pockets made me wonder what was going on between the two of them. I felt for him as he sat there, starring right ahead, expression blank and maybe hurt? I wanted to touch him so badly, to let him know that I was here, to comfort him, but I didn't dare.

"Huh!" was Jess's only reply. Silence settled around us and I could feel that his mother seemed to be hurt by his lack of emotions. It was my mom who finally broke the silence.

"Liz, this is my daughter Rory. Rory this is Liz, Luke's sister and Jess's mom." I politely extended my hands, suddenly at unease having to meet my boyfriend's mother so unexpectedly.

"Rory, of course." She exclaimed and I wondered if she knew about me and Jess as she pulled me into a hug.

"Shaking hands? Nonsense, we are a family, after all, you mother is gonna be my sister in law." Okay, so she didn't know about my relationship with Jess. I wondered when the last time that Jess had talked to her was. They didn't seem to know much of each other's lives.

"Yeah." I mumbled and looked over to Jess who just shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh, Rory how about you and Jess join us tonight? Wouldn't this be fun?" Luke took this as his sign to butter in.

"Liz, we haven't even agreed on having dinner tonight, she just got back from college, maybe she wants to spend some time with her mom." Liz seemed to contemplate about this.

"So you and your mom are close, huh?" I couldn't help but notice the sad sound of her voice. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, but I think, dinner is a great idea, my mom and I can catch up later." I didn't know why I said that but something inside if me snapped, maybe Jess and his mom should spend some time together. I looked down, knowing exactly that I had gotten myself into trouble when I had agreed on having dinner, because when I looked up four faces where starring at me. One understanding, one happy, one disbelieving and one angry. Liz clapped her hands.

"It's a date then. I can't wait telling T.J. about this." She turned around and disappeared behind the curtain.

Jess got up and went after her, without looking at me once again. I shook my head sadly, I didn't even know their history and yet I had interfered. Mom took a deep breath.

"So meeting the mother of your boyfriend, huh? Is it just me or did Jess not seem to be too happy about this?"

"She doesn't even know we're dating, so this night might be the night of surprises." I replied and had this huge weight on my shoulder. Why couldn't I just have shut up?

Mom patted my back.

"He will get over it." She reassuringly told me and I couldn't help but wish that she was right.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

My mom and went back to our house with the promise to Luke that we wouldn't leave him alone for too long with Liz and that we would indeed show up tonight.

I tried calling Jess's cell phone but all I got was his voicemail telling me to try again later. I was sitting restless on the couch and decided to take a short walk before dinner.

My feet led me to the bridge, the bridge where I had spent most of my childhood days, reading, thinking and listening to music. When I got there I saw that my usual spot was already taken. Smoke was filling the air and I saw Jess's small frame sitting on the old wood, his feet dangling over the edge.

Silently I sat down next to him, not saying a word; my eyes followed the smoke that he exhaled.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have agreed. I don't even know…." Jess cut me off, looked at me and said.

"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have left you like this. It's just…" He swallowed and threw the cigarette into the lake.

"It's just that Liz and I don't have the nicest history. I was angry at her for showing up like this and I was angry at you for taking her side."

"I didn't take her side, Jess. I wasn't even thinking. I'm sorry." Jess shook his head.

"Don't be. It is what it is." I took a deep breath and continued my thought.

"You wanna talk about it?" Jess looked at me and silently shook his head no once again.

"No, not yet anyway." I accepted his answer and convinced myself that he would talk to me when he'd be ready.

Suddenly he got up and pulled me with him; he buried his head into my hair and inhaled deeply.

"We should get going, huh? " He whispered into my hair, took my hand and led me to the diner, his left arm wrapped around me protectively.

Before he opened the door, he stopped and looked at me seriously.

"Don't tell me I didn't warn you." I nodded and squeezed his hand tightly. With a deep breath, Jess pushed open the door and for once I couldn't help but think that the bell above the door sounded scary.

Liz greeted us with a happy smile on her face.

"Here you are, Jess and I thought you'd bail on me." Jess starred right ahead.

"Wouldn't even dream of it, Liz." Suddenly Liz's eyes became wide again as she noticed our intertwined hands. She gasped and choked.

"Oh my god, are you two an item? I didn't know that." She exclaimed and I couldn't help but smile at her genuine happiness. Jess on the other hand tensed up but still held tightly on to my hand.

"There are many things you don't know about me, mom." He replied sarcastically and it was obvious to everyone in the room that he used the word "mom" pretty ironically. Well, except maybe T.J.

He came over to where we were standing, shook Jess's hand and kissed my hand in an exaggerating manner.

"I have heard quite some things about you. She surely talks a lot about you." Jess just shrugged his shoulders and sat down at the already set table joining Luke and my mom. Mom looked at me curiously, but I just nodded and sat down as well.

The tension during dinner was palpable, forced conversations, but T.J. seemed to be oblivious as he was enjoying his food. The rest of us though were barely eating let alone talking.

Somewhere around desert Liz directed her attention to me.

"So where have you two met?" I swallowed my last piece of apple pie and put my fork down, looking over to Jess as if I wanted his okay. He just nodded slightly and kept eating.

"Well, we met at Yale. I'm going there as well" Liz beamed at her son, proudly.

"So, you got in, huh? Your father had told me that you applied. This is great, my kid in an ivy league school." I was stunned; Liz didn't even know that Jess went to Yale? I exchanged glances with my mom and suddenly I felt so blessed to have such an amazing relationship with her.

"How long have you two been together then? Man, I can't believe you didn't tell me about this, Luke." Luke looked at her disbelievingly.

When I was about to answer, Jess cut me off.

"A couple of weeks." Simple statement.

"That's nice." Liz replied and smiled at me.

"He's quite a handful, huh?" I choked on my wine.

"I remember when he was younger, hanging out with the wrong kids. But I guess he has told you all about it, right? "All of a sudden I felt uncomfortable.

"oho." I mumbled under my breath and stole a piece of pie from my mom's plate.

"Has he told you about this phase in his life when I had to bail him out of jail at least twice a month? " Jess stopped eating and gave his mom a loaded glance.

"You mean the phase in my life when you were too fucking drunk or stoned or high or whatever to give a damn about me?" Liz stopped eating and looked at him. Everyone in this room felt like disappearing, except T.J. who laughed slightly.

"This was along time ago, Jess. I have changed. No one needs to hear about that." Jess snorted.

"How about the time when I came home and everything was gone? The TV, the microwave, hell even the CDs, what about the time when I got home from school and found you passed out on the couch? I thought you were dead, Liz, until you started throwing up, at least then I knew you were alive. No one wants to hear about that either, right? I mean blame the kid, he's the screw up!" Jess was yelling right now and I was feeling so bad, I haven´t ever felt so bad in my whole life. My heart was aching for Jess and at the same time I knew he wouldn't want that. Suddenly Jess stopped, apparently noticing where he was. He ran a hand through his hair and stopped in his tracks. He looked at me apologetically and left the diner in a hurry.

Luke looked as if he was about to die, mom occupied her hands with the napkin, Liz had tears in her eyes and I was sitting there motionless, only T.J. didn't seem to be thrown at all by what had just happened. Mom shot me a glance and motioned with her head that I should follow Jess. So I did, I got up mumbled thanks under my breath and ran out of the door.

It was already dark outside but instinctively I went to the bridge and there he was sitting at the exact same spot as he had before, trying to light a cigarette. Slowly I made my way over to him and sat down.

Jess breathed irregularly and I could tell that he was fighting with his anger. He was hurt. He had been hurt. I didn't touch him, I didn't say a word, I just sat there letting him be.

"You know, I had been quite a happy kid while growing up. I was doing well in school, read a lot. My mom would take me to the zoo ever so often, she insisted on bringing me to school every morning, since we weren't living in the nicest neighborhood. I was careless. Then she started dating that guy and slowly things had changed. She didn't bring me to school anymore, told me that I was a big boy now. The zoo? Scratch that, after all I was a big boy. The zoo is something for kids. After some time she didn't wake me up in the morning any more. Her boyfriend gave me an alarm clock and told me to get up on my own that I didn't need my mother anymore. I was ten."

He swallowed, shook his head and laughed ironically. I still didn't say a word; I had the feeling that he had to get it all out of his system.

"The only thing that didn't change was that I was still doing well in school. I had thought that if I was a good boy, attending school and everything that my mom would somehow notice it and you know start caring again. I guess I was wrong. By the time I was eleven my mom nearly spent every night at the guy's apartment and I had to take care of myself. I started hanging out with the wrong kids; I started drinking, doing drugs, no heavy things, but well, smoking weed and stuff like that. One day I got home from school and surprisingly my mom was home, she was sitting on the couch, crying. She told me that that guy dumped her and that it had been my fault, because I was being such a bad kid. I felt bad at the beginning, but somehow I realized that I couldn't make her happy anymore, so I started a life on my own. I didn't want to end like her, I know it sounds harsh, but I wanted something better out of my life. I excluded her from my life and the minute I had the chance I took it. That's why I spent a year with my grandparents in Italy. I guess there I learned again what it felt like to be welcome. I thought a lot about my mom and about how she'd cope with me not being around, I even kinda forgave her. When I got back to the US, I stayed with my dad, but I started calling her again. I so desperately wanted her to know that I didn't hate her, but I don't know…."

He trailed off and dropped his head, swallowing hard. I felt the tears streaming down my face; I hadn't even noticed that I had started crying. I silently wiped them away; I didn't want him to see me cry not after what he had told me. A sob threatened to escape my mouth, but I pressed my lips firmly together.

"It seems as if her life is back on track and I wish I could show her that I am happy for her, but I just couldn't. Everything was boiling up inside of me and I just couldn't show her that I still care." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pressed my body tightly against his. I buried my head in his chest and cried openly.

"Talk to her." I whispered and squeezed his hand.

"Tell her exactly what you have told me." My voice was barely audible as I tried to comfort him. I felt him shake his head.

"Maybe I should." I nodded and pulled back slightly, so that my face was barely an inch away from his. I felt his hot breath on my lips as I leaned in and pecked him on the lips.

"I love you." I hadn't even realized that I had opened my mouth to say something. I blushed furiously but he couldn't see it because I buried my head once again in his chest, not because I was embarrassed by my confession but because I wanted him to feel me when I said it.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, I don't pity you, Jess. I love you." He kissed my forehead tenderly and lifted up my chin so that he could look me in the eye.

"I love you, Rory." His voice was so soft that I couldn't help but cry even harder. The sobs were escaping my throat more frequently now and I started hiccupping.

Jess smirked at me and whispered.

"Not the reaction I would have wished for but okay." I chuckled, still hiccupping and hugged him even tighter, in my mind I wondered why it was that I haven't been happier before in my whole life.

**Please don't shoot me, I know Jess is extremely out of character, but I wanted him to open up, to make Rory part of his past. He seemed too vulnerable, but please notice that I didn't make him cry! Lol Anyhow, review please and tell me if the I love you´s were too rushed, I just thought that it fit. Trust me I won't make them say I love you every single day, because I think this is very special and if you say it too often it looses its meaning!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you so much for your reviews, you guys rock! I can't believe this little fic is getting this kind of attention, I am honored!**

**I don't own the characters, but since I love to make characters up, I own Cat. Tell me what you think about her. A potential threat, a new best friend, just a pain in the ass? **

**Rory´s POV:**

A knock on the door startled me from my dead-like sleep. Jess and I had been out with Lane and Dave last night and it hadn't been before five o'clock in the morning that we had gotten safely to Jess's apartment. We had had fun, Dave and Jess had gotten along surprisingly well, mocking me and Lane together, having a blast commenting on other women. We hadn't drunk a lot, but still enough to make me feel like headed and a tiny teeny bit tipsy. At one point a guy had started hitting on me while I had been standing at the bar getting us something to drink. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the way Jess had reacted. He had come up to me, wrapped his arms around me from behind and had started to kiss my neck, then he had swirled me around and kissed my passionately on the lips. While I wasn't normally the one for public displays of affection, I hadn't minded then. I hadn't been able to suppress my giggles as I asked him. "Jealous much?" He hadn't answered, but just started to deepen the kiss.

Now I was lying in his bed, groggily wiping my eyes as I tried to figure out where the sound was coming from. Jess stirred next to me and tightened his grip on my waist. When the annoying sound wouldn't stop, he pulled the blanket over our heads and buried his face into my hair. Someone was now shouting something or the other from behind the door.

"What the …?" Jess popped one of his eyes open and sighed heavily.

He then got up and grabbed his boxers lying on the floor, putting them on. I appeared from behind the blankets as well and stared at him in awe. The sun was coming through the window, standing high in the sky, flooding his bedroom with light. I groaned. It was somewhere around noon already.

Silently cursing under his breath Jess shot me an apologizing glance and headed towards the front door, leaving the bedroom door wide open. I sighed, got up as well and put on one of Jess's shirts. They were big on me, but I gladly welcomed the familiar scent.

I heard the door open.

"Damnit, stop knocking. I am not deaf." He exclaimed angrily at the yet to be known visitor.

I followed him into the common room and observed the scene in front of me.

"Mariano, ever heard of email, phone, letters?" A girl about my age came into view. She had dark brown hair and was wearing jeans and a white tank top. I couldn't help but think that she was pretty, standing there, her arms on her hips, starring at Jess. Jess in return seemed to be at a loss of words as he tried to grasp situation. The girl went over to the coffee table and spotted his lap top.

"And yes, he owns a computer; I bet he has access to the internet as well." She swirled around and glared at Jess scratched his head. Suddenly a smile appeared on his face, a genuine one that slowly turned into a smirk. The girl tried to suppress her own but failed at it miserably.

"Cat!" Jess exclaimed and welcomed her in a big hug. I felt as if someone was stabbing me. He swirled her around and put her down not a second later, smirking at her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Got tired of everything back West. It's no fun without you there." Jess raised an eyebrow. And I couldn't help but wonder fun how?

"What about your classes?" The girl, Cat, smiled at him sheepishly.

"They will still be held without me there. I'll catch up." I cleared my throat indicating that I was still standing here, witnessing a scene in which my boyfriend, wearing nothing but his boxers might I add, was actually forming full sentences. Jess turned around and let go off her. He came over to where I was standing and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"Sorry. Cat this is Rory, my girlfriend. Rory, this is Cat, an old friend of mine." I could see Cat raise an eyebrow.

"Girlfriend? Huh? Never thought I'd see the day where Jess Mariano introduced a girl as his girlfriend." She came over to me and extended her hand.

"I'm Cat, Catherine, but don't call me that." She smiled at me and I instantly relaxed a little. I accepted her hand and shook it.

"Rory, Lorelai actually, but no one calls me that. Anyhow, nice to meet you." I stopped myself before I would get into a rant about Demerol and how my mother named me after herself. Jess pulled me closer to him and pecked me briefly on the forehead. Cat rolled her eyes.

"How adorable." She smiled, and I thought that maybe she meant it. She eyed us curiously and commented on our lack of clothing.

"Did I interrupt something?" Knowingly she raised an eyebrow and tilted her head to one side. It was then that I noticed her nose ring. Although I always had thought that a piercing would disfigure a face, it looked good on her. Wild. I blushed, suddenly feeling very exposed.

"No, it's just that we … and then… you…. I…. "I stuttered and Cat shook her head.

"Don't worry; Nothing I haven´t seen before." Huh! What? Jess chuckled slightly next to me and I could feel the vibrations float through his body.

"So, back to the subject at hand. Why didn't you call, Mariano?" Jess shrugged his shoulders, making my body shake in return.

"I had to adjust." Cat chuckled.

"Seems to me like you have adjusted pretty well." She answered and pointed to me.

"Well…" Jess was about to say something when she cut him off.

"Go get dressed, I am starving and I need a decent cup of coffee." I smiled at her and decided that I should give her a chance, after all she was Jess's friends (how close? I could always ask him later) and she needed coffee. Always a plus in my book!

Jess and I went back into the bedroom and as he got dressed, I went into the bathroom to take a shower. I could feel Jess's eyes follow me as I stripped down on the way to my destination.

He sighed and spoke up.

"You have no idea how much it takes not to actually follow you in there." I smiled at him. It was as if he wanted to make sure that I wouldn't doubt his attraction towards me.

"Rain check?" I replied looking over my shoulder and shut the bathroom door carefully behind me. Just as I wanted to get into the shower, the door burst open and Jess came in, fully dressed now. He went over to where I was standing and pressed me against the wall, kissing me passionately. He never said a word and after releasing me from his tight grab, he left the bathroom just as quietly as he had entered it and left me standing there in my naked glory smiling like a maniac.

I took a quick shower, still giving Jess and Cat some time to catch up. I didn't want to come off as the jealous girlfriend although I couldn't help but feel threatened. Jess seemed to like her a lot; I mean he had practically been beaming the minute he had gotten over the first shock. Had the two of them been dating? Did they have sex? I mean, surely Jess wasn't innocent and so seemed Cat. I looked disgusted into the mirror. Here I was judging her without even knowing her. I quickly got dressed and put on some mascara; I wanted to make a good impression on her. And somehow I wanted her to know who she might be messing with. Satisfied I took a last look in the mirror and reentered the kitchen not a minute after.

I stopped at the door and observed them. Jess was laughing at something Cat was saying while drinking a cup of coffee. He was standing at the stove, making scrambled eggs. The smell quickly got to me and I finally fully entered the room. Cat instantly looked up and smiled at me. Deep down inside of me I hated that smile already. She was beautiful; not in the common definition of beautiful, but she had something that made me feel insecure. Jess looked up from his task and smiled at me as well.

"You hungry?" I nodded.

"Starving." I replied as I sat down.

"Mariano, you finally got yourself a girl that actually eats." She stated satisfied and started to dig in when Jess placed the food in front of her. I hated when people did that. Talking about something or the other I wouldn't understand. Jess and I hadn't really talked about the relationships we had had, but somehow I couldn't help but think that maybe we should have.

"So, Cat. You in college?" She nodded while swallowing a forkful of eggs.

"Yeah, I attend UCLA. That's where I met Jess." I nodded my head knowingly. Jess smirked as he sat down as well, next to me.

"She was actually the one person that kept me sane over there. You wouldn't believe how many wanna-be actors run around campus. It's pathetic really." We sat in silence as we went on eating our breakfast, ever so often Jess would stroke my knee under the table, squeezing it from time to time.

"So, how is Derek?" Jess finally directed his attention back to Cat.

"We broke up." Jess stopped eating and looked at her with wide eyes. Not good.

"Why?" Jess inquired as he took another sip of his coffee.

"He wanted me to move in with him. I didn't want to. We broke up." Cat stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Huh!"

"Well, that's life. I'll get over it." During this exchange I sat on my chair silently, not wanting to interrupt.

"So, Rory. I like the name." She looked at me and for the first time I noticed that she had light green eyes.

"Thanks, I guess." I mumbled since my mouth was full.

"Where have you two met?" I blushed and tried to cover my face with my hair. I could see Jess smiling widely, of course not blushing.

"We met at Yale." Jess answered for me and I was thankful that he hadn't gone into detail. I gathered up my courage and looked up again, only to be met by a smirking, knowing Cat.

"So anyhow. You think I could crash here?" Cat asked Jess and I could feel him turn his head into my direction slightly as if he needed my permission.

"If it's okay with you, of course." She added looking at me.

"Of course. Why not?" I replied without hesitation. I trusted Jess. It was her I didn't trust. Not really. Jess seemed to think about it and nodded his head.

"Sure." I took a silent breath and continued eating.

"I don't know how long I'm gonna stay, but it's gonna be fun, huh?" She sat there smiling and it was really getting harder to not like her. Somehow.

"We could do it remembering of the old days. Remember the day we moved in together?" Oh boy, they had lived together? How come I didn't know about that; but well, Jess and I really hadn't had the chance to talk about it; I mean she had reentered his life about an hour ago. Jess shifted uncomfortably in his position and stole an awkward glance over to me.

"I sure do. I am still mad at you for the TV thing by the way." Cat chuckled slightly and neither of them seemed to notice my lack of participation. Cat rolled her eyes.

"It was oooold." She shot and leaned back in her seat.

"Was not." Jess defended himself and leaned back in his seat as well. He looked over to me and started to explain.

"In our junior year we simply couldn't stand our roommates anymore and so Cat and I had decided to move in together. She threw out my TV." He told me matter- of- factly.

"She threw out you TV?" I chuckled at this and tried to picture Jess back then. Tanned by the sun, wearing shorts and flip flops. Weird image as I thought of his beloved leather jacket.

"He brought home so many girls. I actually lost count after a couple of weeks." I sighed in relief; apparently they hadn't been dating then; the whole bringing home tons of girls-bit could be discussed later.

Jess sighed and mumbled something under his breath; apparently he wasn't so comfortable at sharing these aspects of his life.

"Sorry, I shouldn't be talking so much. I just do. Talk a lot that is." I smiled at her and chuckled slightly.

"I have been raised by the mother of talking. I'm sure I can deal with that." I reassured her and leaned back. Jess placed his arm around my back and drew lazy circles on my shirt. I relaxed at his touch. He wasn't uncomfortable at showing his affection.

"I could tell you so many stories, but by the scowl on Jess's face I'd say, he wouldn't be so happy about it, but well, who cares, right?" I giggled and put a hand on Jess's thigh.

"Right!" I help up my cup of coffee and Cat and I cheered. Jess closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Oh boy." I noticed as Cat shot Jess a glance which I couldn't quite interpret. Was it longingly? I shivered at my thought, trying to hide my feelings. I looked at my watch and noticed that I was running late for my date with Lane. I had promised her that we'd go shopping today. I jumped up, feeling kinda relieved that I had a reason to go. A reason to think, a reason to analyze which might as well turn out into overanalyzing, but well I am me, what can I do?

"Shoot, I am late. I promised Lane to go shopping with her today. She and Dave have their five years anniversary tomorrow." I explained the situation more to Cat than Jess, since he already knew.

Jess got up as well and when he put his arm around my shoulder, pulling my body slightly against his, I caught Cat's expression and this time I was sure that jealousy was definitely part of the emotions visible on her face.

Jess walked me to the door where he kissed me hard, passionately. I smiled into his kiss and kissed him back with all I had. He ran his hands up and down my body and when a silent moan threatened to escape my mouth Jess swallowed it with his own. I finally pulled away.

"See you tonight?" Jess whispered against my neck and I just nodded.

"You bet!" You better be prepared for all the questions I'm gonna ask you, Mariano, I silently added. Jess released me with a smile and a clap on my butt. I looked at him once again and descended the stairs a "be good" nearly escaped my lips but I swallowed it down. I knew he would.

**Trouble in paradise? Tell me what you think. Do you like Cat? I just wanted to venture into Jess's past a bit more. You know, spice things up a little. I mean, I can't continue writing this fic with Rory and Jess living happily ever after, telling I love you every damn day. Sorry, but that's not quite realistic. And no, Jess won't cheat on Rory. In my fics it's normally the other way around, but I am not so sure about this one. Stay tuned! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all for your kind words, I really appreciate them, you have no idea how much.**

**For those who couldn't review, fan fiction . net had been down for a few days, well it happens.**

**Bittersweetbloodbaby: you seem to be the only one who likes Cat, I like her too, kinda …**

**Lee: stay tuned and see what I'm gonna make out of this, hopefully it's not gonna be clichéd. And yes, who are you? **

**Jesslover123: thanks for your review, I am glad you like it, it actually freaks me out that you think this is one of the best, in a good way might I add.**

**This chapter is dedicated to PamHalliwell and my brother who's getting married, boy we're throwing you one hell of a party! **

**Rory´s POV:**

"So let me get this straight; she's crashing at his place?" Lane eyed me curiously while taking a sip of coffee. I just nodded and took a bite from my doughnut.

We had been shopping all day and now we both were exhausted. Lane had tried on every piece of lingerie there was; she wanted to surprise Dave on their five years anniversary. I was sure that he indeed will be surprised although Lane's bank account might look a little bit pathetic now. I hadn't bought a thing, because I had been too distracted to even consider surprising Jess as well with a piece of clothing that lacked of actual fabric.

I sighed and leaned back in my seat.

"Should I be worried?" I asked her not really wanting her to reply. I mean I trusted Jess. I did, right? Lane shrugged her shoulders.

"If he wanted to cheat on you he could have already. I don't think he'd do it so obviously." I swallowed hard and glared at Lane.

"You are no help, what makes you say that?" I whined and buried my head in my hands.

"What do you want me to say, huh? I say no, you accuse me of simplifying the situation, I tell you that he just as well might be cheating and you yell at me. This is definitely one of those conversations where you can only say the wrong things." She stated calmly and took yet another sip of her coffee. I sighed once again, I was sure that soon I would start to hyperventilate. Where is the paper bag when you need one?

"I should trust him." I mumbled more to convince myself than anything else and decided to ignore her last comment. Lane nodded in approval.

"That you should." I tried to ignore the doubts that were physically apparent in my stomach. I wrecked my brain trying to come up with something else to say, but I just simply couldn't get my mind off of Cat's expression when I had left. She made me doubt myself and she made me doubt my relationship with Jess, which in return was unbearable. Why was it that I just couldn't be happy with how things were going? Jess was attentive and caring and he had told me he loved me. Of course I had said it first, but that didn't mean that he didn't actually feel it, right? I hated being in that position, a position were I started to over analyze things. Hadn't he just hugged her too tightly, had his eyes lit up too much when he first had spotted her, had he been too comfortable in her presence? Suddenly I felt a bang of guilt floating through my body. Hadn't I always wanted him to have friends? And now that he apparently had one, I doubted his loyalty. Of course when I had imagined Jess hanging out with friends, they had always been guys. Maybe a gay girl with a crooked nose, bad breath, bad teeth and slightly overweight? I shook my head trying to make this selfish person go away that I was at that moment, but I just couldn't get the image out of my head. Day dreams in which I would walk in on them, having sex and Jess laughing at me for being so naïve, telling me that I had just been a replacement, a distraction. My head started hurting as I made up all the worst scenarios, and somehow in the back of my mind I actually understood that I indeed deserved the physical pain. But that was a total different matter. On the one hand I knew that I trusted Jess, but on the other hand I just couldn't get over my insecurity. Lane interrupted my mental ranting as she waved a hand in front of my face.

"Earth to Rory! Hey, you spaced out there for a while. Everything okay?" I shook my head.

"No, nothing is okay; my boyfriend is having sex with another girl!" I exclaimed and I was sure that people around us started to worry about me. I caught the eyes of the woman at the table next to ours and I was sure that she mouthed something along the line as: _Men, all pigs! _Of course I could just be hallucinating. Lane sighed and shot an apologetic glance into the woman's direction.

"Drama queen. Why didn't you just tell him that you weren't okay with her crashing at his place?" I looked at her with a "duh" expression on my face.

"And come off as the jealous girlfriend, that I am not?" I was making no sense at all, I knew that, but it was just too hard to play it cool, with me being just as stubborn as my mom and all.

"Sure you're not jealous, sorry, could have fooled me." Apparently Lane started to get annoyed with my mind games. Suddenly I became restless; I wanted to get back to Jess, talk about it, maybe Cat was indeed gay. I shook my head no. Jess mentioned Derek, that just couldn't be a girl's name. I was furious at myself but I simply couldn't help it. I could feel Lane's eyes on me.

"Go! I know you want to. If you're not home by nine, I take it that everything's alright. Now please for my own sake, go!" I got up, hugged her tightly and then turned around, walking to my car.

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Although I knew that Jess was expecting me, I somewhat stood uneasily in front of his door, trying to work up the courage to knock. Just as I was about to actually lift my hand up, the door opened magically and there she was: Cat. Even the name sounded somehow strange to me now. I worked up a smile and scanned her carefully. She was wearing tight sweatpants and a dark red UCLA sweatshirt. Her black running shoes completed the image. I couldn't help but snort soundlessly. Of course! She jogs! She smiled at me and stepped aside.

"Hey Rory, Jess is in the shower, he should be out by now." I politely smiled back at her and entered the apartment, nodding my head in response.

"Thanks, Catherine!" I squeezed through my lips, using her full name on purpose. She looked at me with wide eyes and said.

"You're welcome and it's Cat." I grinned sweetly and apologized silently.

Cat closed the door on her way out and I let out a relieved sigh. Well, that went just well.

Just as I wanted to sit down on the couch, Jess came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, his hair dripping wet, his eye lashes clustered together. Normally it would have taken all my will power not to go over there and let the towel slip from his body, but I couldn't help but think that he shouldn't be running around like this when Cat was staying with him. Of course I didn't express myself verbally. Jess's face instantly lit up when he spotted me and came over to where I was half sitting, half standing. He kissed me delicately on the lips and I felt his body touching mine. Wet and appealing. I kissed him back for only a second and if he had sensed my discomfort, he didn't let it show.

"If I had known that you were coming over so soon, I would have just waited for you." He smirked suggestively and let one of his hands travel down my spine, which made me shiver. I tried to hide my sudden response at his tough and pulled away.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically and avoided his eyes. He took my chin in his hand and steadied my wandering eyes on his.

"Really!" he breathed softly and the air coming from his mouth tickled my face. I closed my eyes for a second, allowing myself to experience the sensation of his attention. I turned away from him and made my way to the kitchen.

"So, Cat jogs, huh?" I said nonchalantly as I proceeded to make myself a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, we used to run together, but I am totally not in shape to keep up with her." I swallowed hard, letting my head drop, so that my chin was nearly touching my chest. I wanted to ask him so badly what else they used to do together, but I suppressed the urge to transform into a heartless bitch. For now at least.

"That's nice." I replied expressionless and poured water into the coffee pot. I looked at Jess and caught his eyes as he raised an eyebrow.

"Everything okay? The shoppingdid go well?" I nodded my head.

"Yeah, Laneexhausted her credit card at Victoria Secret's. It was fun." I heard Jess chuckle.

"Buy anything, Ror´?" I couldn't help but smile as I simply shook my head.

"Damn!" Jess exclaimed in mock hurt and came over to where I was standing. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and started to attack my neck with kisses. Although I could feel is arousal, I didn't act on it.

"You know, I missed you today." He whispered between kisses, tightening his hold on me. I swirled around, taking him by surprise.

"Really?" I spat more harshly than I had intended. He let go off me and scanned my face for any evidence that he had done something wrong.

"Okay, Rory, What's wrong?" He soberly asked his face blank except maybe a hint of confusion.

"You running around in nothing but your towel, that's what's wrong." I exclaimed and started to pace around the kitchen.

"Since when does that bother you?" he asked confused. I stopped to look at him.

"Since you're not the only one anymore living in this apartment." I instantly replied. The heartless bitch was now dangerously closeto taking the upper hand.

"Huh!" I was furious.

"Huh? Huh? That is the only thing you have to say? Huh?" I was on the verge of yelling. I could practically see him building up his defensive wall again.

"I am sorry, did I miss something? When did we start fighting?" I glared at him.

"We're not fighting." Jess shrugged his shoulders.

"No, you're right, you are fighting and I have no fucking clue what is going on." Of course, you are clueless. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, showing him that I was ready. Ready for what? I had no idea. Suddenly it seemed that it dawned on him as he started to chuckle ironically.

"Ah! This is about Cat." He stated calmly, but still slightly sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest as well. The towel was now dangerously loose on his waist. I shook my head.

"No, this is about you not telling me stuff." Jess glared at me.

"So, this is about Cat." Is he not listening?

"Are you not listening?" I exclaimed exhausted.

"I'm just trying to read between the lines here, Rory. This is about Cat." I laughed mockingly.

"You seem to be very obsessed with her name, Jess." I childishly replied, not giving him a chance to elaborate.

"Yes, when my girlfriend suddenly transforms into a yelling martyr, I actually assume that it has something to do with recent changes in our lives." I took a deep breath.

"So you actually admit that there is a change?" Jess covered his face in his hands, groaning frustrated. I could see his jaw clenching.

"You aren't making any sense, Rory! Just tell me what the hell is bothering you." I knew he was provoking me, and he succeeded.

"I think you are so damn good in reading between the lines, why don't you tell me what is bothering me?" I yelled madly.

"I think Cat is bothering you and I actually have no fucking clue why!" I hated how he said her name, and I really hated her for the fact that she succeeded to cause trouble between us.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, trying to keep the little demons inside my chest hidden. I walked over to where he was standing and took his hands from his face. I looked him in the eye and asked the one question that I was sure would cause even more trouble than we already were in.

"Are you sleeping with her?" Did I just say that out loud? Oh my god, I didn't, did I? According to the look of total shock visible on Jess's face I did. He pushed me away roughly.

"Where the fuck does that come from, huh?" Although I knew I was totally out of line, I pushed even further.

"You didn't answer my question." I shot back and as soon as the sentence left my mouth, I wanted to take it back, swallow the words and rewind the entire day. _If I had known that you were coming over so soon, I would have just waited for you. Oh yeah? Yeah! And with that we should have gone into his bedroom._

"You have got to be kidding me." He was yelling now as well. I was out of my mind.

"Answer the question, Damnit!" I had no idea what the hell had gotten to me. Oh yeah, the unbearable agony of being in love. Jess took a deep breath. His face was red and his eyes were nearly black.

"Am I sleeping with her? No! Did I sleep with her? Yes! Do I plan on sleeping with her again? No! Do I plan on hurting you? No. Do I love you? Yes. Do you love me? I'm not so sure." The tirade of his questions and answers took me by surprise. So he did sleep with her, but what got to me even more was the fact that he doubted my love. But now, can I blame him? All of a sudden a weird calmness settled upon me, making my vision blurred as the tears started to fall.

"I do love you, Jess." I whispered as I tried to grab his hand, trying to intertwine our fingers. Jess scratched his head and chuckled sadly.

"You have a damn weird way of showing it then! Part of love is trust and it's quite obvious that you don't trust me." His face was dangerously close to mine as he whispered this. I could smell him. Clean. Of soap and shampoo. My shampoo. I swallowed as I experienced the great pain of him pulling away from my hold. He still held my eyes as he continued.

"I was ready for this, I really thought that we were ready for this, but now it seems that you're not." His soft voice completely contradicted the meaning of his words. Was he breaking up with me?

"Are you breaking up with me?" Jess shook his head sadly.

"You so don't get my point, Rory." Jess stared at me waiting for an answer; when he wouldn't get one, he turned around, tightening the towel around his waist.

"Cat needs a place to crash. I am her friend. Do the math." He said over his shoulder as he made his way to his bedroom. To get dressed? To get away from me? I didn't know. My shoulders were shaking as I went over to the door and turned the knob. The door creaked mockingly as I opened it and slipped out. On the one hand I admired his loyalty towards Cat, but on the other hand I wished that I had never tested it. I looked at my watch. A quarter to eight; I'd be home before nine and Lane would not be happy.

**Good? Bad? Tell me what you think! Of course Rory is oblivious, what else is new? Review please!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you so much for your reviews once again, they are my oxygen. Thank you! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, except maybe Cat; at least I think I do…**

**Anyhow, I have actually thought about writing a chapter in Jess's point of view, but I am not so sure about it, since I think it could interrupt the flow of the story, so tell me your opinions, I'd like to know what you think and comment on the story as well please, you know you want to …lol**

**Bru Gravem: I am really glad that you think this is realistic, because I think my main concern is realism, because I want my Rory and Jess to be human, to be just like you and me, making mistakes, fixing them, making even more mistakes. It's the way life goes and I just simply don't believe in painless love. Love is passion, good and bad! Thank you so much for reviewing! **

**Rory´s POV:**

Eight days, two hours, thirteen minutes, seven boxes of chocolate ice cream (the fluffy one), three million liters of coffee and one half smoked cigarette later and I was still in denial.

Yes, I actually attempted to smoke a cigarette, because it reminded me of Jess. Of course I had smoked a cigarette from time to time at a party or something, but I had never had the urge to actually taste it, smell it. I had never felt that abandoned and lonely as I experienced it now by not getting to taste or smell _him._ The miserable emotion that some psychologist might actually have a name for, was driving me insane. It was a mix of missing, longing (Lane announced when I told her that, that she always had thought that those two words actually meant the same thing. I had spent hours on thinking about that…) insanely guilty conscious, squeals of joy and excitement when I would wake up in the morning, forgetting about our situation, crying violently and grinning like a maniac in remembrance. I was definitely bipolar, but I couldn't help it. Sometimes when I would be down, a slight feeling of anxiety shot through me, what if I had lost him? What if I had actually screwed this up? I was sitting at the kitchen table, in front of me a cup of steaming hot coffee, filling the room with the familiar scent of home and safety. I always associated the odor of coffee with my mom and my mom made me feel safe in return, loved, taken care of.

I heard the door to our apartment open, heard footsteps approaching and for a second my heart actually missed a beat. I could feel it; it felt like having a little _(very little_) guy _(I always pictured him having a mean smirk on his face)_ inside of me that took great pleasure in the fact of throwing a rubber hammer against my sternum. But as soon as Lane made her presence known by clearing her throat, I was shaken out of my pre-lethal state. I shook my head violently. It happened all over again. At the mall I had seen him at the pizza stand, I had spotted his hair while doing grocery shopping and had forced myself to hide behind a giant woman; aforementioned really big woman had eyed me curiously and then had proceeded to ask me if I was okay. _Honey, are you okay? _She had reminded me of Miss Patty then.

I had nodded my head and had left the grocery store in a hurry, leaving my purchased articles behind; I had decided that it was now Lane's duty as my best friend to do the shopping. I actually was slowly becoming paranoid. I heard his voice at places where he surely wouldn't be, for example in my gynecologist's waiting room, I was so distressed then that I had told the nurse that I needed to postpone my appointment and had run out of the room.

"You know what I read yesterday?" Lane's voice interrupted the silence. I didn't even look up.

"Huh?" even my behavior reflected Jess's now.

"I read an article that explained that coffee wasn't actually hydration because it makes you pee more, meaning you loose the fluid immediately." Great, now coffee wasn't even hydration anymore, anything else that could go wrong? I chuckled sadly as I shoved my cup away from me.

"Interesting." Lane nodded silently and sat down next to me.

"You wanna know what else I read?" Despite my urge to tell her to shut up, I nodded.

"Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It's actually more a saying than anything else." I mumbled something that Lane didn't understand.

"What?" I took a deep breath and repeated my last statement.

"Absence makes you move on." I looked at my hands and waited for Lane's answer.

"You're sure that's what you want? Moving on? Forgetting that Jess ever existed? Because if your answer is gonna be yes, I will just leave you alone." I started to cry just then. I didn't want to move on; I didn't want to forget Jess, because even if I wanted to there was no chance in hell that I ever could actually forget him. Forgetting the way he looked with wet hair that were falling in his forehead. Forgetting how is voice sounded when he told me that he loved me, forgetting the way he'd wrap his arms around me in order to pull me even closer, Forgetting the way he'd wrinkle his forehead while concentrating on reading, forgetting the ways he had tried to seduce me. My shoulders were shaking and I could feel Lane's tiny arms around me. I sobbed into her shoulder.

"I screwed up, Lane. I really did." She stroked my back and tried to calm me down.

"Shush, baby. Everything's gonna be okay." I knew that my breakdown was more than Lane could handle, but this realization just made me cry harder.

"Okay how? I have no idea how to fix this." In the back of my mind I was aware of the fact that I was overreacting, I knew that I was blowing everything out of proportion. This was nothing a good talk couldn't heal. I took a shaky breath and pulled back.

"Tomorrow." I whispered. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna fix this!" Lane smiled at me and said.

"Otherwise you'd be gaining forty pounds in the next couple of weeks, we wouldn't want that now, would we?" I chuckled through my tears and pulled Lane into my arms once again.

"How come, you always know when to say the right things?" I shook my head in sad amazement.

"It's a gift." Lane simply stated and smiled at me, her glasses wet with tears shed for me.

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So, I actually had made up my mind. I was gonna talk to him today. D-Day!

I was lying in bed, staring at the ceilings, counting the different shades of shadows that the sun created in my bedroom. I sighed, what seemed to be the millionth time in five minutes. I had decided to go by his apartment after my classes. I wanted to talk things through, I wanted to apologize, but most of all I wanted him to know that I loved him. I couldn't stand the image of his face when he had told me that he wasn't so sure if I really loved him. It was killing me, but whenever I closed my eyes, his words came back to me. _Do you love me? I'm not so sure… Part of love is trust… that you don't trust me…_

Snippets of things he had said that day haunted me. With yet another sigh I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. When I entered the kitchen, fully dressed with still dripping hair, I found a cup of coffee placed on the kitchen table; next to it was a note from Lane.

_Screw that article, you need it today. Tell me how things went!_

_Lane_

I smiled to myself and finished the cup of coffee in one large gulp; I was already late for my political science class; I scribbled down a quick thank you note for Lane and placed it next to my now empty coffee cup. For the first time in my life I actually directed these famous words to someone else than my mom, Dean or Jess: _I love you._

I left the apartment in a hurry, slamming the door shut behind me. When I got to the campus and finally to my class, I was already so anxious of what was yet to come that I wasn't able to pay attention. At. All. The professor could have told me that George W. Bush Jr. had been abducted by aliens and had been replaced by a liver eating mutant. Well, it surely could be a possibility, right? I was still picturing Bush deforming his body in order to fit through the chimney to get to his next victim (Mom had definitely let me watch the X-files when I was way too young) as I made my way over to the Yale dining hall when I felt eyes on me. To be more specific: his eyes. I could feel it; don't ask how, just believe me. I started sweating, my heartbeat was getting arrhythmic and my legs suddenly felt like pudding. Now it seemed too ridiculous to even think that I could have avoided him on campus. What a joke! My head jerked up as I sensed his presence. First thought: Run. Second thought: You look ridiculous while running. Third thought: I don't care. Fourth thought: Oh my God, I am freaking out!

This was so not the way I had prepared myself to meet him. I had imagined it being me who'd surprise him, not the other way around. Listen world: I am not a fan of unpredictability! I was the exact opposite of a member of this specific fandom. I took a deep breath and scanned the dining hall for the one person who was able to make my heart race, who was able to make me laugh with something as simple as a funny expression on his face, who was able to make me feel whole with just wrapping his arms around my shoulders, who was able to drive me insane when all I had ever tried to achieve was being sane and reliable and, I rubbed my temples, who was able to make me transform into a jeaulous heartless bitch. I spotted him at the table next to the exit, his head up in the air, his eyes straight staring at me. I shivered at the intensity of his gaze. I swallowed and wandered over to him. His eyes followed my every move; he didn't seem to care that I'd notice that he was staring. Although having walked slowly, I was out of breath when I reached his table. I clutched my book bag tightly against my upper body, in desperate need to occupy my hands. My stomach suddenly started its own rebellion as the coffee that I had inhaled earlier was dangerously close to making its way up again. That article was so wrong. I tried to speak but my mouth was dry. I tried to wet my lips with my tongue, but it wouldn't work, all it did was that my tongue nearly glued itself to my lips.

"Hey." I finally started the conversation insecurely. I could see Jess's Adam's apple move as he swallowed. Apparently he had trouble forming words as well.

"Hey." He replied, never breaking eye contact. My mind was blank, I had a speech planned; I had actually made a list of things to say or things to do. _Apologize, kiss him..._ Something like that. It suddenly dawned on me. When it came to emotions, flexibility and spontaneity were expected. I had to learn a lot.

"I …I …" I didn't know what I wanted to say anymore. I shook my head. That hadn't even been a sentence.

"Can I sit down?" I finally asked, and I hadn't know that something as simple and unimportant as asking him if I could sit down would actually be such a nerve breaking task. He nodded his head.

"Sure." I chuckled slightly and as Jess eyed me curiously, I spoke up.

"You know, I had a speech planned. I really had. And now here I am, sitting right in front of you and I feel like a six year old kid on the first day of school. It's pathetic really. I mean, I am, not you, just the situation." I stopped and looked at him expectantly. How was he taking this? He seemed calm but from the way he shifted in his position ever so slightly I could tell that he was nervous as well, but unlike me he didn't want to show it. I couldn't blame him.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you." I whispered. When he wouldn't reply I continued.

"I didn't know if you wanted me to. I don't know, I think I might have been afraid." Jess nodded and leaned forward.

"Before you ask afraid of what, I just as well might tell you. I was afraid of what you were gonna tell me. Hell, I don't even know if we're still together. I don't really know if you broke up with me. I just…" I swallowed.

"I just don't know what to think anymore. I was a jerk. I was a jerk because I didn't trust you when I should have. I was a jerk when I didn't listen to you. I was a jerk when I yelled at you for being there for a friend. Yes I admit it, I was jealous, and honestly? The whole aspect of you having slept with Cat didn't really help my sanity." Actually I had been too busy yelling at him then that I hadn't even digested the fact that he indeed had had slept with Cat before. It had all come to the surface when I had reached my place. I had been furious and I had been sure that he had cheated on me, but somewhere along the way, realization had made its way through.

Jess cleared his throat and fixed his eyes in his hands lying on the table.

"I had a girlfriend in California; we had met at a party and we instantly hit it off. It wasn't love or anything…" He looked up at me when he said that." But we had fun. Just fun, but still I got drunk the night we broke up. I called Cat in the middle of the night from some bar to ask her if she could pick me up. She did. I was drunk, which isn't an excuse, but I somehow don't have to justify myself for having a past, right? Anyhow, I was drunk and I think I initiated the whole thing with me and Cat. All I know is that we woke up the next morning in my bed minus clothes. You get the image." I wrinkled my nose and nodded.

"Cat and I have talked about that night, I think it was a mistake, but I don't regret it, you know what I mean?" I shook my head and still didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry." I finally said, taking his fingers into mine, intertwining them. He nodded and leaned forward even more, I met him halfway.

"I know." He whispered as he reached out to stroke my cheek. I closed my eyes as the sensation of his touch floated through my body, starting with the skin above my cheekbones, traveling south, resting between my breasts and finally in the pit of my stomach. Softly yet delicately his lips brushed mine and I couldn't help but think _finally_. I sighed into his mouth as he whispered:

"I missed you, Rory Gilmore." The playful banter was back I noticed relieved as I deepened the kiss not caring about our location.

"I missed you too, Jess Mariano." I replied when he pulled back slightly, his lips still never really leaving mine. It was the first time in days that I could keep my eyes closed without having my mind full of bad images and blurry conversations. When I now closed my eyes I saw Jess smiling, his eyes nearly green. I leaned into him and took him in, but suddenly my peaceful atmosphere was interrupted by an out of the blue thought. If Cat had picked Jess up that very night, that actually would mean that she hadn't been drunk as well, right? I shook my head forcefully in order to erase this idea from my mind. Rory Gilmore, you're being ridiculous.

**No, Cat is still not out of the way, because I think that that would be way too easy. Be prepared for more fluff, more drama and tension. Not necessarily between Jess and Rory.**

**Anyhow, please, please REVIEW; I am totally not sure what to think about that chapter, anyhow, thanks for reading! You guys rock!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Oh my, thank you so much for your reviews.**

**I'm glad you seem to like the fact that I plan on creating some drama as well. **

**Here we go, the next chapter is finished.**

**Lee: Actually, you start to freak me out, in a good way might I add, because you seem to be just as crazy as I am. I am sorry your guy cheated on you, it happens to the best of us. And I am really sorry again, that I have to decline your proposal, because I kinda have set my eyes on someone else. Honest but true.**

**I know I promised a LL chapter, but I needed to get this up first, I am sorry, but be prepared for LL in the later chapters.**

**Rory´s POV (since you haven't commented on my suggestion to add a chapter from Jess's POV.)**

"This is nice." I whispered as I snuggled deeper into Jess's arms, trying to get as close to his body as it was physically possible. My head was lying on his bare chest, legs intertwined, his chin resting on the crown of my head. He was lazily stroking my arms, up and down, up and down and it was slowly driving me insane. The need to feel him, to smell him, to taste him, to hear him it all made my head spin, and, I sighed relieved, I was finally able to do all that again. Jess chuckled slightly as he tightened his hold on me.

"Do you know what else is nice?" His voice was laced with sleep, deep and husky. It made him even more attractive. I shivered at his suggestion, not being able to control myself anymore, but maybe this was what it was all about. Loss of control! The unbearable power that he held over me; physically, emotionally and intellectually. I smiled into his chest, the familiar odor of his aftershave mixed with the unique scent of post-coital sweat, made me wanna repeat last night's activities all over again. I stiffed a chuckle as I realized that he was in the same position as me. He had lost control.

Jess groaned and scratched his chin; I could hear his fingers brush against the faint stubbles of his facial hair. I loved that sound.

"I won't be able to live that down, huh?" This made me giggle even more and tears were starting to run down my cheeks as I tried to suppress a squeal. My shoulderswere shakingas my urge to mock him grew even more. I was childish that way, but I knew Jess wouldn't take it the wrong way; I actually felt a little flattered.

"Nope." I told him as I let my hands travel down his abs.

"I am flattered though. The sheer sight of me made you…" Jess interrupted my revelationby placinghis hand on my mouth. I playfully licked his palm and held my hands up in surrender. He rolled us over so that he was now lying on top of me; I instantly sobered at this change of position and I looked at him seriously. He hovered over me, using his elbows as support so he wouldn't crush me, although I had told him at least a thousand times that I loved the feeling of his weight on top of me. His nose touched mine in a playful banter as he closed his eyes.

"You're so full of yourself, Gilmore. I was desperate; I just needed to get laid." I rolled my eyes at him, signalizing that I actually had expected a romantic comment, but this was part of why I loved Jess. He'd show his affection for me during the most uncommon situations. Normal people would vocalize their sentiments while having sex or while having dinner, something most people described as romantic, but not Jess. I remembered one specific occasion: We had been grocery shopping and I had been standing in the candy section, complaining about the fact that they had removed my favorite brand of ice cream, when I had felt his arms around me, gripping me tightly. He had put his chin on my shoulder affectionately and had proceeded to tell me that he was head over heels in love with me. Not a second after his confession he had given me his withering stare and had instructed me not to tell anyone, because and I quote " I would loose my reputation". Lane and I had been awing about it for days, which of course hadn't gone unnoticed by Jess.

Just as Jess started to trail kisses down my stomach, to prove his masculinity I assumed, the door to my room burst open.

"Rory, you never told me how things went with Jess, please tell ... Ewww!" Lane covered her eyes with her hands while letting out a high pitched squeal.

"I so didn't need to see that. I didn't need a recap." She exclaimed disgusted and turned on her heels. Just when she was about to shut the door she turned around, her hands still tightly clutched over her eyes.

"Good to have you back, Jess. As you were." She slammed the door shut with her foot and a second later I could hear _Leftover Crack_ blasting through the apartment. Apparently headphones were so last summer. Jess looked at me with wide, questioning eyes and I could notice a smirk playing on his lips.

"You think we'd be able to beat _Gang Control_?" I guessed he was actually being serious. I shook my head and shoved him off me.

"We could, but I don't think we will now. Rain check?" I was met by a pouting Jess. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and got up. I put on an old sweater and pajama pants. Jess rolled on his back and groaned frustrated.

"Women, first they complain and then they don't even give you a chance to make it up to them!" I looked over to him and beamed.

"You already made it up to me last night. Twice." I added shyly and felt the blood shooting to my head. Jess nodded his head satisfied.

"Oh yeah?" He was smiling, he was actually smiling. I decided to ignore this comment, but he pushed it.

"Oh yeah?" He repeated and chuckled slightly at my shy behavior. I was getting annoyed.

"Yes, a very satisfied woman is standing in front of you, actually that satisfied, that she won't need to be having sex aver again." I winked at him and left him in my bedroom.

I ran into Lane in the kitchen where she was busy fixing herself a cup of coffee. She swirled around when she sensed my presence.

"This was a nice reminder of why we had installed the knocking rule. I am so sorry, Rory." I smiled at her and shook my head.

"That's okay, we will get over it. Didn't you say you were staying at Dave's?" Lane snorted and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"He wishes!" She gesticulated with her hands wildly. I took the cup from her and put it on the counter. No need to cause anyone any harm.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly.

"Dave is an ass." She exclaimed and as if to underline her statement her left hand formed a fist. I wanted to inquire further but at that moment the phone started ringing. Lane's expression darkened.

"I bet that is Dave; I better take it to my room." She took the cordless phone from the table and made her way to her room. On the way to her destination, she ran into Jess.

"Mood killer." He accused playfully but she just stared at him and shot back:

"Smartass!" Then she slammed the door to her room shut. What was it with relationships? First Jess and I, now Lane and Dave; I made a mental note to call mom later to ask if Luke and her were doing okay. As Jess entered the kitchen he eyed me curiously.

"What's with her?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Dave's an ass." I ironically explained and sat down at the table.

"Of course, it's always the guy." I nodded my head in agreement and sipped my coffee.

"Anyhow, how about we hang out at my apartment today? Maybe you and Cat could somehow bond." He voiced his idea carefully and although I didn't want to have anything to do with that woman, I nodded my head yes. Cat was in Jess's life after all I should give at least a hint of a chance.

"But I need to stay here for a while to make sure that Lane is okay." And maybe come up with an excuse why I simply couldn't bond with Cat.

"Sure, you want me to wait with you?" I shook my head.

"No, that's okay; go back to your place, maybe Cat is waiting." Bitchy Rory was making a move once again. Jess raised an eyebrow.

"Rory!" he said pleadingly. I looked up and smiled at him.

"Hey, I am cool." I said through gritted teeth and looked down again. Jess came over to me and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Cool." He stated calmly and then.

"Just give it a try, okay?" he added and eyed me intensively. It was important to him that I got along with Cat; I could do him that little favor, right? Right?

"Okay." I replied and pecked him on the lips once again. He stroked the top of my head and left the kitchen, this time colliding with a happier Lane.

"You're leaving?" I could hear her ask him, but I couldn't make out Jess's response. He probably just nodded anyhow.

Lane entered the kitchen smiling. I sighed relived, normally fights between Dave and her didn't last for long, but this time she had had me worried.

"God, I don't even know what we had been fighting about, but everything's fixed now. Dave couldn't remember either." She smiled sheepishly and sat down next to me.

"I guess we needed that little argument, things were simply too easy between us. You know, spice things up a little. Create nonexistent trouble, so we can make up afterwards." I laughed out loud at her explanation and put an arm around her shoulder.

"We're one of a kind, huh?" I told her, she nodded and replied:

"Don't mess with us. We're dangerous." I held up my cup of coffee, carefully bringing it into contact with hers.

"Amen to that, sister."

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I took a deep breath and knocked at Jess's door. Impatiently I bit my bottom lip in order to release the tension inside of me. I was torn. On the one hand I detested Cat, obviously because of the past she had with Jess, but on the other hand I wanted her to like me, since she played a big role in Jess's life and well, so did I.

The door opened (too late for my taste) and I was face to face with Cat. Maybe she was just a kitten, who just kept her claws hidden. I chuckled slightly, nice word games, Gilmore.

"Rory!" Cat seemed surprised to see me. Wonder why?

"Cat, nice to see you again." After all I promised Jess to play it cool. Cat stared at me the longest time.

"So, you're back." Man, could her double meaning be more obvious? I put on a forced smile and adjusted the sunglasses on my head.

"I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere." Take that, bitch. Whoa, slow down there, Rory.

"That's just nice, isn't it?" I could have hallucinated, but I bet everything I owned that I could see her clench her fists.

"It is, isn't it?" I repeated her earlier comment and motioned for her to step aside.

She shut the door behind me and yelled.

"Jess! Rory´s here." Indeed I was here. Jess came out of the kitchen and smiled when he saw me. He came over to me and gave me a quick kiss hello on the cheek. I had to suppress the urge to grab him and give Cat a nice show. But that indeed would have been too eighth grade.

"You didn't tell me she was coming over, I would have had prepared more food." She was cooking? I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Don't be ridiculous, Cat, There are tons of food." I smiled as he wrapped his arms around me, but I swear that I could hear Cat mumble something along the line as "I've seen her eat"

I decided to ignore any of her comments as I felt Jess's body against mine. That was proof enough, right? I could feel him, have him whenever I wanted to, but she would still be pining for him standing in the corner. I was surprised at my thoughts; I had never been the jealous type, never been the type of person who would wish others bad luck, but here I was standing, grinning from ear to ear, imagining all kind of scenarios, where Cat could possibly look like a moron. Wait, stop, and rewind: I didn't even know if she was actually thinking of him as more than a friend. It all could be one big misunderstanding, right?

"I need to get something from my room; why don't you guys go to the kitchen and take your seats." It was Jess's voice that shook me out of my thoughts. Cat and I nodded simultaneously and started to move towards the kitchen. I looked around and noticed relived that nothing had changed, not a sign that someone else was living here too, except maybe the dark red bra that was hanging on the clothes-horse in the common room. Was it lace?

"So Cat, can I help you with anything, this sure does smell delicious." I politely asked, just the way my mom had taught me while growing up. Cat shook her head and laughed slightly.

"No, Jess has told me all about your cooking skills, I want the kitchen to be still… well… there once we're finished." What else had he told her? I couldn't help but be pissed at the fact that Jess would share something like that with her. It's not that I was embarrassed at my lack of cooking skills, but it just sucked big time, that Cat seemed to be superior of me now. I observed her as her slim fingers sliced the vegetables and as she put the bread in the oven; I shivered involuntarily and wondered what the hell took Jess so long.

"You know, I thought you were gone, when you stopped coming by. Just like the others." Cat's back was facing me and I was glad because if she had faced me she would have seenmy rage.

"Nope, not gone, not like the others apparently." Cat nodded her head.

"I have noticed that too." I couldn't help but think that maybe her voice sounded sad. Long silence.

"So, I take it you know?" Cat's words interrupted the silence once again. I decided to push her.

"Know what?" Did she mean what I think she meant?

"You know… about me …and Jess." Ahh, realization dawned on me. She didn't know if Jess had filled me in, she wanted to take me by surprise.

"Yeah, I know. Jess has told me." I replied lightly, now suddenly being in the superior position and all.

"Really?" Cat turned around and locked her eyes with mine.

"I thought you knew that he had told me. Why would you bring it up otherwise?" Cat shrugged her shoulders and turned around once again.

I got up from my seat and took a step into Cat's direction. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

"I have no idea what kind of mind games you're playing here, but I am with Jess, and I plan on being with him for a long time, if that doesn't work for you, well that's just too damn bad." I was astounded at how sharp my voice sounded, this wasn't me, but as I had mentioned earlier, when it came to Jess, anything goes.

"God, Rory. You are so naïve." Apparently she wanted to elaborate, but Jess took this as his sign to appear in the kitchen. He had a scowl on his face, but I couldn't say for sure if he had overheard our little exchange. I hoped that he had not.

"You having fun?" Jess asked lightly, the scowl not visible anymore. I somehow hated the fact that he wanted us to bond so badly. Cat beat me to an answer.

"Yeah we are. A nice girl you got there Jess." I wanted to scream at how sincere her voice sounded. Maybe you could fool Jess, Missy, But not me. I am looking through the façade of fake smiles and polite chit chat. You want war? You can have one.

**Oh Yes, does Rory seem like a bitch? Yes, but hey try to put yourselves into her position. It's natural to react the way she did. Cat, what do you think of her? Review, please. What part do you like best?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for your reviews and I am so sorry for the delay, but life was going crazy and I had a writer's block and I don't know, I had a really hard time coming up with this chapter, I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: blablabla, nope, I don't own it, neither does ASP! You know what I mean…**

**For all of you who suggested a Jess chapter, I really wanna do it, but I am scared shitless, because I am sure that I will screw this up, and I think a chapter from Jess's POV randomly thrown in here will have that effect. Maybe I'm writing a sequel from Jess's POV; we will see. Thanks for your support.**

**Rory´s POV:**

"Come on, Jess! It's obvious." I exclaimed; my fear and insecurity finally having faded and turned into slight traces of anger. Cat, Jess and I had spent the day at Jess's apartment, oh no at their apartment, the laced bra definitely had showed that and Cat had been a master of manipulation. Witty comments here and there, randomly thrown in facts of Jess's past that had made it all too clear that she had known Jess for a longer amount of time than I had.

Jess and I had gone to the movies tonight and now we were on our way back to my apartment. Jess had his arms wrapped around me lazily and pressed a kiss on my forehead from time to time as if he had sensed my discomfort. Jess stopped in his tracks, eyeing me curiously.

"What is?" I sighed and buried my face in my hands, keeping myself from screaming frustrated.

"Cat." I spit out. I knew that Jess wanted us to get along, but also I had learned from experience, that in a relationship any relationship you had to actually talk about the things that were bothering you. Conversation, communication, keeping the other up to date was an essential aspect in the socializing standards if you don't wanna find yourself trapped in a web of indifference and lack of passion and most important honesty. I really wasn't mad or disappointed at Jess, but he seemed to be oblivious about what was going on around him. That girl had set her goal, she wanted what I claimed to be mine, as pathetic as it may sound, he was mine. Not in this weird way _"you can't play with my puppet, it's mine!"_, but in the way that was based on commitment, trust and love. Not that I wanted Cat to play with my puppet, but well that's a totally different matter. I rolled my eyes as I was met by Jess's deep brown, oblivious eyes.

"Cat?" He shook his head and laughed ironically. It was driving me insane. I hadn't intended to tell Jess about the conversation that Cat and I had shared earlier today, and I was gonna stick to that, but there had to be a way to show him that actually Cat was feeling more than just friendish feelings for him. It wasn't that I couldn't understand her, after all I was head over heels for that man, but that didn't necessarily mean that I wanted to share what I had. _"Oh Rory, you are so naïve!" _I wonder what she would have said if Jess hadn't interrupted us.

"Yes, Cat. Come on, Jess. You have no idea how the female mind works. You are oblivious." Although we were on the verge of fighting, we didn't abandon the physical contact. I was still wrapped tightly in Jess's arms, I was still feeling his breath on my cheek, and I was still playing with his belt loops as my hand was resting securely on his hip under his jacket. It was as if, although we were having an argument, we wanted to reassure the other that we wouldn't run, wouldn't back off; it felt good, relieving to know that he was here with me and wouldn't be going anywhere. Jess chuckled lightly.

"And here I though I had had years of practice to figure it all out. I thought I was doing pretty well actually." I sighed and dropped my head.

"I'm serious, Jess." He stopped and looked at me with that irresistible smirk of his on his face. He leaned closer until his breath tickled my nose.

"So am I. I really think I'm doing pretty well." I put my hands up in surrender and glared at him, my anger at his childish behavior boiling inside of me.

"Fine, be that way." I exclaimed and withdrew myself from his embrace. I suddenly felt cold at the sudden lack of closeness, and although it was the end of May I shivered involuntarily.

"Rory, come on." Jess suddenly seemed to grasp the importance that this subject held for me. He tried to reach out to grab my hand, but I buried them in my coat pocket.

"No, Jess. You come on! Why don't you see it?" Jess groaned frustrated and let out a deep breath.

"I am not having this conversation with you again." He stated calmly, contradicting his facial expression. I could tell that it took all of his will power not be fuming openly. On the inside? Maybe.

I folded my arms over my chest and glared at him.

"What?" I asked disbelievingly. I was definitely not acting like myself, and I hated this aspect of my personality.

"I said that I was not having this conversation with you." Jess's voice was laced with fury. I didn't let it go.

"You mean, not here? Or in general?" Jess pressed his lips together firmly, apparently contemplating about his answer. He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts.

"Why does she bother you so much? You don't even know her." I finally got him talking, actually participating in this conversation.

"Oh, I know enough." I snorted condescendingly. I wanted to slap myself. Jess bit his bottom lip.

"Well, let's see. Remember the time when we ran into Logan? You did sleep with him, right? Did I act funny? Did I instantly not like him?" Apparently Jess tried to suppress a grin, but was failing miserably.

"Yeah, well I hate him." He continued after a beat, his grin now resembling a full blown smirk. I always had been proud of my self control, so when I didn't smile back at this very moment, I had once again taken the upper hand.

"That's different." I mumbled. Jess raised an eyebrow and looked at me strangely.

"Different? Different how?" I sighed and buried my hands even deeper into my pockets.

"I was with him, He was my boyfriend. It was not just a fling." Jess snorted and I instantly regretted having said that.

"Now, that makes me feel better." He took a deep breath "and besides" he continued. "Cat wasn't just a fling either." I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat that had slowly been growing to the size of a medium sized apple. What?

"What?" What exactly was he telling me?

"She wasn't just some girl that I picked up at a bar and had sex with; she was my best friend first." I swallowed, not being able to keep back the words that were about to come out of my mouth.

"Like me?" Oh boy, I knew the minute his eyes darkened that I was in major trouble.

"Excuse me?" He withdrew his hands roughly from the spot on my elbow where they had been resting earlier.

"You picked me up at some bar and had sex with me the same night." I tried to keep the tears from falling, successfully. What was I doing here? I took out my freshly resurfaced insecurity on him, projecting my accusations on him. Jess took a deep breath.

"You lost it, Rory. You totally lost it." I shook my head sadly.

"I didn't mean that; I am sorry." Jess rubbed his eyes as he tilted his head to one side, his expression blank.

"Well, you mentioned it, so it must have been on your mind. Ask Freud, I bet he would agree with me." I decided to be honest, to actually tell him what was bothering me, why I was acting the way I was.

"I am so sorry, Jess. You know I am. I am terrified, okay? Terrified that you're gonna find someone better, someone you relate to more, someone you have more in common with. Dean left me, because he said he wouldn't belong in my world, after I had lost my virginity to him. God, he was married for crying out loud. Logan cheated on me in more ways that I can count. The other guys in my life I haven't even let them get close enough so they wouldn't be in the position to hurt me. I always kept them at an arm's length, emotionally I mean. So they wouldn't invade my personal space. I am terrified because my Dad left my Mom to be with someone else, I am terrified because you are the first person I let come close, you are the first person that I actually couldn't just not let come close. It felt to damn natural to fall in love with you that it is scaring the hell out of me, okay?" When I was finished with my rant, I was sobbing violently; I felt the salty, unique taste on my lips. I was still sobbing when I felt Jess's arms around. I cried into his chest, cried all the insecurity away, hoping that it would vanish along with the tears. Jess kissed the crown of my head, tightening his hold on me. His muscular arms embraced me and he pressed my body close to his, trying to comfort me the best he could.

"Shhh, baby." Jess whispered soothing nonsense in my ear, but for me it was the most deliberating sound of the world. They should make songs with this sound. Redefine music.

"I am so sorry, Jess. I didn't mean to not trust you. I do. Trust you that is. But sometimes I just can't help it. I can't help asking myself what if." I sobbed into his chest as he caressed my back with his long, delicate fingers. After what seemed like hours, Jess pushed me away softly and bended his knees so he could look me in the eye. I dropped my head in order to avoid his eyes, but he tilted my head up with his hand and made it impossible for me to flee from his gaze.

"Ror´, look at me." His voice was soft and I was wondering why he even put up with me; He answered my unasked question as if he was reading my mind.

"I love you, Rory. Don't compare me to the others. Screw the others. I am me, as bad as it sounds, I am. I am not Dean, who by the way you have never mentioned by name before." He chuckled slightly as if he wanted to ease the tension hanging thickly in the air. He continued.

"I am not Logan, who, yes I admit it, I hated with every fiber of my being the minute I laid my eyes on him. And you know why? Because he got to touch you." I smiled through my blurred vision at his words.

"I am Jess Mariano, and although most people who know me would say that this was a bad omen, and I'm trying my best to make this work. After all, I have it all figured out." He smirked and leaned in close. I opened my mouth to reply to his rant, but he cut me off by putting his index finger on my lips. Before replacing his finger with his mouth, he whispered something.

"I know." My eyes fluttered close as his mouth descended on mine. I put into that kiss all my emotions, passion, fear, but as well as the over powering feeling of love, tasting him, exploring his mouth all over again. As he ran his tongue over my teeth, I moaned audibly. He pulled back slightly and smiled at me.

"See? I have it all figured out." I laughed deliberated into the next kiss, pulling him closer to me, glad that maybe the last obstacle was taken care off. Boy, I had no idea how wrong I was.

**So what do you think? I know it is short, but I completely rewrote the chapter, because the other one sucked even more. I had intended to actually have a Rory/ Cat confrontation, but I decided against it. Yet. Anyhow, tell me, what you think, please review! Thanks for taking the time to read, and now, push the nice button, you know you want to. Anyhow, hopefully Rory´s insecurity is finally eased a bit. But i hope you understand where she came from...**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20, wow, I just want to let you know that I couldn't have done it without you. You guys are the one constant thing in my life and I really appreciate all of your kind words. You guys are amazing and when I first started writing this fic, I had never even expected such a positive feedback; I love you for that! **

**Rory´s POV:**

Apparently honesty was the one aspect that counted most. The one thing in life that made it all worthwhile; obviously it was a pain but once you accept it as an essential part, you learn how to actually use it for your own benefit.The lame, stereotypical "I'm fine" whenever being asked how you were, vanished as the trust was being reinstalled in Jess's and my relationship. No, it wasn't reinstalled, it was freshly installed, something both of us still worked on. It was shown in simple gestures, in life altering actions such as taking Jess with me and Mom to the weekly Friday nights´ dinners.

My grandmother had nearly died of an aneurysm; the vein in her forehead had been dangerously close to rupturing. My grandfather on the other hand had been considerate as if he had sensed the special bond that Jess and I shared. Mom had sat there all evening, her head going left and right as if she was watching a tennis match; not that my mom actually would be interested in sports, although she enjoyed athletes in shorts with muscular legs, but she had announced the minute Pete Sampras had resigned from the center court that the sport would be holding no interest for her anymore, since all of the new players were too young to even consider them being hot. I still had to laugh about my mom's face when she had heard the news; she had sighed overdramatically, had put a hand to her forehead and had exclaimed that it would suck getting old. I had spent an whole evening to convince her that she wasn't old, that she was just settling down.

**Flashback**

"So, Jess. What do your parents do?" My grandmother interrupted the passionate conversation about Hemmingway between Grandpa and Jess; apparently she needed to make herself noticed again, because the minute Jess, Grandpa and I had started discussing literature, she had been simply ignored, not intentionally of course, it just happened. Jess's head shot up; he mumbled something under his breath that sounded dangerously like "so close" as he tilted his head to one side, thinking about his answer.

I felt horrible, because I knew that Grandma would find something degrading to say about Jess's parents, and although Jess may not have the closest relationship to either of his parents, I knew that he was still really protective of his family, No outsider had the right to judge, no one. He wasn't ashamed of his parents, but I was aware of the fact that Emily Gilmore was a master of talking other people down. Most of the time she took great satisfaction in the task of degrading people; people who in her opinion weren't worth being affiliated with the Gilmore name. I squeezed Jess's thigh under the table which did not go unnoticed by my grandmother as she shot me a meaningful glare. Jess cleared his throat.

"My Mom designs jewelry and my Dad sells hot dogs back at the West coast." He replied politely although I could feel his muscle tensing. He looked her straight in the eye not giving her the opportunity to feel his weakness. My grandma snorted but smiled politely, her lips forming a thin line.

"Hot dogs? I hear they are delicious, not that I ever had the pleasure of having one." She heard they were delicious, who did she think she was? Jess nodded his head in affirmation.

"Yes, they are." I chuckled to myself. Jess was mocking my grandmother and she didn't even notice it. She directed her attention to me.

"Care to share what is so amusing, Rory?" My head jerked up and I glared at her. Mom shot me a nervous glance and now it was Jess's turn to squeeze my thigh, as if to say. "It's okay, Ror´." Mom shifted in her seat and I knew that she was on the verge to butter in. The tension in the dining room was palpable and even my Grandpa stopped shoveling the food in his mouth. I shook my head, still chuckling.

"Nothing." I replied. It didn't even matter what I was thinking, it never had.

Grandma wouldn't stop though.

"You're laughing; something must be very amusing to you." I forcefully put my fork down and stated calmly as if I wanted to chat about the nice whether.

"You are." I heard mom choke on her wine and Jess let out a deep sigh. My grandpa looked from me to his wife and shook his head, not getting what was going on.

"Excuse me?" I had had enough that the guy, the man, Jess who could have easily turned down the invitation to dinner, but who didn't, was being treated like crap by my grandmother. All evening she had been making subtle comments on Logan and on how I deserved best, on how she knew exactly what was best for me.

"I think you are amusing, Grandma." Mom buried her face in her hands, but she couldn't hide the smile that was visible on her face. Grandma put down her fork as well, but slowly so, after all a lady never looses her composure.

"And why is that, young lady?" I hated the fact that she kept calling me that. _Young lady…_

"Do you really believe that by talking Jess down you would make me love him less?" Jess who had been sitting still on his chair turned his head to me in a quick motion. His eyes were wide and his expression was priceless. Pride? Gratitude? Disbelief? Love? All these emotions were painfully visible on his face and it dawned on me that maybe no one has ever stood up for him the way I just did. He knew exactly what disagreeing or maybe even fighting with Emily Gilmore meant for me. I hated fighting with the ones I love, but if I had to choose between my grandmother and Jess, there was no hint of doubt who I would settle for. My grandmother shook her head condescendingly.

"Rory, you don't even know what love means. You are too young to understand the meaning behind it. It is more than just the butterflies in your stomach. It is more than …" I interrupted her furiously.

"More than what? Is it more than thinking about the special someone 24/7? Is it more than missing him the minute you leave him? Is it more than compassion and knowing exactly how the other person feels? Is it more than needing that one person whenever you feel down? Jess is there for me, whenever I need him. He is there for me when I'm having a fight with mom or dad; he is there for me when I think the day simply doesn't have enough hours to get all the work done. Jess is there without being asked. He doesn't judge me or mom. He just simply takes me the way I am. He doesn't want to change me or my life. This is not something I can say of you. All my life you tried to turn me into a person I am not. This is me." I pointed to Jess, then to my mom and then to myself. Tears blurred my vision as I continued.

"You almost broke up mom and Luke, don't even think about trying that with what Jess and I have , because let me tell you. You won't succeed." A touch on my arm made me realize where I was. Jess tugged at my arm to make me sit down; I hadn't even noticed that I had gotten out of my chair. I looked over to my mom and I could see that tears were steaming down her face as well, but she was smiling, her face filled with motherly pride.

"Come on, Ror´, sit down, please?" Jess soft voice filled the room and I obliged. My grandmother glared at mom.

"This is entirely your fault; she has never raised her voice at me. You never passed appropriate manners to her." Mom eyed her thoughtfully.

"What else is new? But I have never been prouder." She sniffled slightly and took a sip of her wine.

"Emily, please, calm down." My grandfather apparently thought that it was his time to participate in the dispute.

"I will not calm down." She was met by four disbelieving pairs of eyes. Angrily she slammed he napkin on the table.

"I'm having desert in my bedroom." With that she stood up and left the room in a hurry.

Silence, only disturbed by Jess's irregular breathing and by the sound Mom created by ripping her napkin apart.

"Let's enjoy desert, shall we?" Grandpa's suggestion interrupted my thoughts. I was surprised at my outburst, but there was no way in hell I let anyone come between me and Jess anymore.

The rest of the evening was spent in comfortable silence and we shortly left after desert. With a hug from my grandpa for me and a meaningful handshake and a pat on the back for Jess and with the suggestion that we should meet up some other time, we were released.

**Flashback end **

My mom had had trouble to let go of me as we said our good byes in front of the Gilmore mansion. Jess and I had to go back to New Haven, because Lane and Dave were having a gig tomorrow and we didn't want to miss it, plus I really needed to be with Jess right now.

I finally handed Jess the keys to my car, too exhausted to drive myself. Emotionally drained.

My mom still had a tight hold on me.

"I am proud of you, kid." I nodded into her embrace and wondered silently why she was proud of me. Hadn't she done the same for Luke?

I climbed into the passenger seat and let out a deep breath I didn't know I had been holding.

Jess smiled affectionately at me and kissed the palm of my hand and then intertwined our fingers and let them rest on his thigh.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I was sitting on my couch, reading, wearing comfortable clothes, trying to relax. My Grandpa had told me that my Grandma was gonna calm down eventually, I could only hope that he was right because although she had treated Jess like crap all night, she was still my grandmother and although I was actually beginning to realize that I had to stand up for myself, to lead a life on my own, she meant a lot to me and I loved her in a weird twisted way. I heard the shower being turned off and not a minute later Jess appeared in the common room ( Lane was out), a towel wrapped securely around his waist, hints of shaving cream still noticeable on his face. I looked up from my book and smiled at him.

"You shaved in the shower?" Jess nodded and came over to me.

"Yes, and I cleaned it up already." He smirked at me remembering the tantrum I had thrown the first time he had shaved at my place and hadn't freed the sink from the stubbles. I shook my head.

"I still don't know how you can shave in the shower without it being a bloodbath. I mean I still cut myself every damn time I shave my legs and well, I can actually see them." I ranted but Jess interrupted me with a kiss. A soft one, without tongue, just his lips brushing against mine. He had been very silent since we had left my Grandparents´ and I couldn't help but wonder why. I chuckled.

"Hmm, you smell nice." I said, taking in the clean scent of shaving cream and aftershave.

"Yeah?" he asked slightly mocking me, rubbing his chin. I snuggled into him, not caring that he was still wet from the shower. I needed to feel his body. I rested one hand on his bare chest and started drawing lazy circles as I closed my eyes, letting the sensation sink in. I could feel Jess swallow as his Adam's apple moved up and down. I smiled and placed a chaste kiss on his throat, feeling the vibration of his inner movements.

"Thank you." He suddenly whispered, interrupting the comfortable silence. All of a sudden I was wide awake, but despite my urge to reply I just nodded and laid my head on his chest.

"No one has ever done that for me before. You know defending me, standing up for me no matter what." I swallowed down the tears that were threatening to make their way through my tear ducts.

"For you everything." I whispered as he shifted in his seat so that he was facing me. His eyes were slightly clouded, and I could see that he was as affected from the earlier confrontation as I was. He kissed my forehead, my nose, my eyes and finally his lips rested on my mouth. I was drowning. Drowning in my emotions, drowning in his chocolate brown eyes. Finally my eyes fluttered shut and I heard him reply in a soft voice, barely audible if it hadn't been for the fact that he was only inches away.

"For you everything."

**So, what do you think? This chapter totally didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be, because I had intended to write a confrontation between Rory and Cat, but you guys wanted fluff and here it is. Tell me what you think, it actually makes my day. Thanks for reading and now review. Thank you! **


	21. Chapter 21

**You are amazing, thank you all so much. God, I have so many ideas for this chapter, hopefully I will be able to do them all justice. For those who had expected a "Catfight", I am not so sure if it's gonna be in this or in the next chapter, but Cat definitely is playing a great deal in this one. I know Jess had been OOC in the last chapter, but I don't think that he seemed weak. He just didn't want to cause anymore trouble.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, not really! **

**This chapter is dedicated to Mel, because she is… well… she and we share the same freaking fact of being in love. With the wrong guy? We will see! **

**Rory´s POV:**

"I don't wanna go." I pouted like a petulant child as Jess was trying to push me out the door. He smirked at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure you wanna go." I shook my head and tried to grab Jess's arm. It had been Mom's idea that I should spend a weekend in Stars Hollow, home. Home? "A bona fide Gilmore movie night. At first I had been excited and had planned everything out, but things between Jess and I really were going great; yes, Cat was still crashing at his place and although I definitely was more comfortable with it now than I had been at the beginning, sometimes at night, when Jess would be lying next to me, oblivious, and Cat would be in the common room, fast asleep on the couch, I was thinking of ways to kill her. I had come up with fifty-two; one actually included stapling a coffee pot to her forehead. But for my own sake and for Jess's sake I had arranged myself with the situation. And as days went on, after having spilled my heart out to Jess, I actually realized that life really was easier and simpler by trusting people. Jess had stopped trying to make us bond, which was a relief for me, because although I really tried, I didn't need to be challenged any more. Over dramatically I placed a hand over my chest and sighed.

"You wanna get rid of me?" Jess shrugged and pulled me closer, which was quite difficult since my hand still rested over my heart and my other hand was occupied with the bag I was holding and when he pulled me closer by my hips, I crashed into his chest forcefully.

"Ouch." Jess exclaimed as he rubbed the spot on his chest where my forehead had landed. I giggled and Jess eyed me accusingly.

"No need to cause me any harm." I just looked at him, raising an eyebrow. Jess rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Fine, I will cancel my date with that hot stripper I met yesterday. You happy now?" I nodded so that my bangs were covering my eyes.

"Very. I don't like to share my toys." Jess chuckled slightly as he leaned closer.

"Ha! I knew it! You just want me for my body." I nodded again and giggled into his chest, the sound being swallowed by his shirt.

"Finally he figured it out. And here I thought that had been completely obvious." Jess delicately kissed the tip of my nose one last time and softly yet effectively pushed me out of the door.

"Go, I don't like you right now." I beamed at the playful banter.

"Then it's a good thing you love me, right?" I laughed deliberated and didn't give him the opportunity to reply as I started to descend the stairs. I was surprised at myself. In past relationships I had always been the shy one, the one who needed to the verbal confirmation that I was cared about; with Jess on the other hand it was totally different; I just knew it.

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The bell above the door announced my arrival at my hometown; the minute I heard the familiar sound I got excited. I needed to talk to mom; I needed to tell her that I was happy.

I went to the counter and sat down. No one even paid attention to me and once I was glad, but when I looked around I noticed that most of the customers where out- of- Towner's, so that wasn't really so weird. I leaned over the counter to see if I could just grab to coffee pot, but no such luck. Luke was nowhere to be seen and I started to get worried; He would never leave the diner unsupervised when there were customers, but suddenly a sound caught my attention. It sounded like … giggles? My eyes followed my ears and realization dawned on me. That was my mom. My mom and Luke. My mom and Luke in the storage room. My mom was giggling. Please God, let Luke just have told her a joke. Apparently luck wasn't on my side today when I saw my mom emerge from the storage room with her shirt wrinkled and inside out. I wrinkled my nose and cleared my throat.

"Eww, mom. People are actually eating here." My mom shook her head slightly and came over to me to pull me in a loving hug.

"In the storage room?" she teased, raising an eyebrow. Well, she had a point. I chuckled and took in my surroundings.

"It's good to be home." I sighed and laid my head on the counter.

"You mean, you actually manage to stay away from Jess for more than a couple of hours?" Mom smiled at me and I decided to let that comment slip. I had no idea that I would be seeing Jess earlier than I had anticipated.

"So, what do I have to do to get a decent cup of coffee in here?" I eyed mom jealously as she nursed a cup of coffee. Mom's eyes went wide and she started giggling.

"Gotta sleep with Luke." God, mental image, mental image.

"Jeez." Luke apparently had heard mom's last statement and obviously felt as disgusted by the thought as I did.

"Lorelai, now was that really necessary?" He came up to mom while still buttoning his shirt.

"Judged by the look on your faces. Absolutely!" Luke rolled his eyes and I couldn't help but think how alike Jess and he were. The same gestures, the same monosyllabic answers, the same facial expressions. I smiled at this.

"Hey, Rory, nice to have you here. Is Jess with you?" Just as I was about to answer Mom buttered in.

"Ah Lucas, didn't you know that they broke up? How insensitive of you!" Luke blushed a dark shade of red and started stuttering an apology, well rather he stated things he was gonna do to Jess if he would ever see him again. Mom burst out laughing.

"Just kidding Lucas, Rory´s here alone, but they are not broken up." Luke looked at her with wide eyes.

"Why the hell would you say something like that? That´s sick! I was already thinking of ways to kill him." I decided to take that as my sign to ask for a cup of coffee just as mom opened her mouth to say something. Luke glared at her.

"Don't!" Mom closed her mouth and pouted as Luke made his way behind the counter; just as he reached for the coffee pot he stopped in his tracks,the air visibly floating through his nostrils, and glared at Mom.

"Did you just call me Lucas? Twice?" Mom looked at him and smiled innocently and then directed her attention to me.

"Did I, Rory?" I held my hands up in surrender.

"Leave me out of this insanity." Mom's only reply was the sound of her sipping coffee.

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"Why? Why? Why? Mom? Why did you make me watch that?" Disgusted I pointed to the television screen. Mom and I had just spent the whole evening watching sequels of movies we adored. Unfortunately that included Dirty Dancing, which logically meant that we just finished watching Dirty Dancing two and unfortunately I will never ever be able to erase Patrick Swayze- the later years- out of my head. He should sue his plastic surgeon. Mom, who was lying on the couch, covering her face with a pillow, sighed dramatically.

"Can I look?" I chuckled.

"Rory, is it over?" She asked like a four year old girl who had just seen the Lion King for the first time. I remember when I saw the movie for the first time, I had cried for days about it. Now that I think about it, it seemed extremely insensitive to kill the Dad off in this movie; it was for kids for crying out loud. I took a handful of popcorn and threw them at Mom.

"Here, take this, for making me watch this. I am scarred for life." Mom chuckled and started to pick up the popcorn that I had thrown at her and popped them into her mouth.

"Well, make sure to mention that during therapy." She replied nonchalantly and sat up straight. She patted on the spot next to her, signalizing that I should come over to her. Lazily I got up and tool my new position next to her on the couch. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to her.

"So. How are things with Jess?" She looked at me and I couldn't help but thank her silently that I inherited her blue eyes. Just when I was about to answer, she continued.

"And when I mean things, I mean like is he still alive, does he take his vitamins, not if he's good in bed." I blushed and wondered if I was that prudent that I couldn't even talk about sex to my best friend; but well I came to the conclusion that she was my mother too, which meant that some things better be not explicitly discussed. Mom rolled her eyes dramatically and pinched me in the cheek.

"Ha! I knew it. He is good in bed." If it had been possible I would have even blushed more. I fiddled with my hands, wrecking my brains to come up with something to say.

"Yes, he is still alive." I lamely responded and mom shook her head at this.

"You know, sometimes I wonder if you are really my kid." I pointed to her eyes.

"What? Wanna poke out my eyes." I shook my head and relaxed into her embrace.

"I got your eyes and yes, right about now, poking your eyes out seems to be an option." Mom smiled and squeezed my hand.

"So, everything's good with the two of you?" I nodded and smiled, thinking of Jess.

"Yes, very." Mom raised an eyebrow and licked her lips subconsciously.

"The Cat issue? Everything's good with that too?" I hesitated but nodded anyhow.

"Yeah, well she's still crashing at his place, but I think she's gonna move out soon. She has already missed most of the semester. I have arranged myself with the situation and although I am still not very comfortable with Jess running around naked in the apartment, I decided that I need to trust him." I stated self-consciously.

"But do you trust her?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Honestly?" Mom nodded yes.

"No." Mom shrugged her shoulders.

"Shouldn't matter though, because you trust him. Period!" Apparently something distracted mom from my issues with Cat, because her eyes went wide and she started giggling.

"Jess runs around naked? That's somehow weird." Now it was my time to shrug my shoulders.

"Why? He lives there. You run around naked all the time in this house." Mom gasped.

"I so do not run around naked. Only" She added, "when Luke is here." I wrinkled my nose disgusted.

"Ewww, mom, please. I have already have been scarred for life once today, no need to add another thing to the list." We fell into a comfortable silence. I heard the clock ticking in the hallway and somehow it made me calm and relaxed. Whispering, I interrupted the silence.

"We're happy." Mom leaned back and took me with her.

"We're happy." Once again silence surrounded us, the two of us thinking about our significant others.

Suddenly a sound shot through the house. I sat up straight and tried to make out where it was coming from. Someone was standing on our porch, knocking at the door. Mom opened her eyes, sighed and got up.

"Maybe it's Luke." She wondered out loudly and went to get the door. I turned in my position and yelled after her.

"Make sure you keep your pants on as long as I am here." I could hear mom chuckling. She reentered the living room a minute after, someone trailing behind her. I was too lazy to take a closer look, so I was surprised when someone started rubbing my shoulders. I turned around in a swift motion and was even more surprised to come face to face to Jess. Something about the situation had me worried and I eyed him curiously.

"Hey." He greeted me and leaned down to give me a light kiss on my slightly parted lips.

"Hey." I replied and tilted my head.  
"What are you doing here?" I asked alerted.

"I need to talk to you." By now my adrenaline level had reached its limit.

"Okay?" I asked rather than stated. Mom who had witnessed our little weird exchange cleared her throat and declared:

"I'm gonna go to bed. Sleep tight, sweety. You too, Rory." If I hadn't been as scared as I was right then, I would have laughed out loud at her little joke. She came over to me and kissed the top of my head. She patted Jess on the back and ascended the stairs.

Jess sat down next to me and starred right ahead. I decided to give him as much time as he needed to formulate his thoughts verbally although it took all of my willpower not to start shaking.

Finally he took a deep breath and came right to the point.

"She told me that she was in love with me." I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the big lump in my throat.

"Cat?" I whispered. I had no idea why I was speaking so quietly but it seemed appropriate.

"No, the stripper. Yes, Cat." Jess replied and raised an eyebrow. I couldn't help but think that maybe now wasn't the right time to joke around, but I didn't call him on that, since I could sense his nervousness. He played with a pen that was lying on the coffee table and sighed again. I didn't know what to say.

"Say something." He whispered and turned to look at me. I placed a hand on my forehead and took a deep breath. No need to freak out, right?

"Okay." Jess shook his head in confusion.

"Okay, you say something or okay to that confession?" Jess rubbed the spot between his eyebrows as if he had a headache; he probably had.

"Both?" I replied insecurely, my voice barely audible.

"Why are we whispering?" Jess asked me in the same soft and quiet voice he had been using since the minute he came to the house.

"Whispering makes it less real." I stated illogically and dropped my head. Jess took my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"What did you tell her?" I asked, wanting to know everything. From the "how" to the "what the hell had she been thinking"! Jess leaned back and started his story.

"You had just left when Cat got back home from jogging. I was in the kitchen, I don't remember why anymore, I think I made some coffee or whatever, well; she came in and sat down on a chair. I was about to ask her if she wanted something to drink when she interrupted me and told me that she was in love with me. Just like that, I swear she was nonchalant, as if she was asking me how I was. I was stunned, completely taken aback, and I was an ass." I looked up, surprised.

"What?" Jess closed his eyes.

"I think I yelled at her or something. I don't remember really; then I left."

"The apartment?" I asked disbelievingly. Somehow I felt for Cat. I knew that it took all your courage to confess something like that and being yelled at for that, wasn't fair, even it we were talking about Cat here.

"Yeah." Jess responded sadly. "I told you, I was an ass." He added after a while.

Here we were sitting, talking about the fact that some other girl had just confessed her love to Jess, but all I felt was pity. Not a hint of doubt or anger in the picture; this actually surprised me even more.

"What now?" I asked after some minutes. Jess pulled me closer and kissed the crown of my head.

"I came back after I cooled off. I apologized and told her that I was with you; that I loved you. I tried not to make her feel even worse; I tried not to make her feel as if she had just lost a friend and ruined our friendship."

"And?" I asked insecurely.

"She apologized, cried and apologized and cried some more. I have never seen her that down." Somewhere along the conversation I got angry at Cat. What had she been trying to do? Did she just have to get it all out of her system or did she have the plan to break us up?

"She offered to get a hotel until she went back home." Good course of action I thought silently, but didn't say it out loud. I raised an eyebrow as Jess shook his head.

"I know she can't afford a hotel room. These things are expensive, but I know that she couldn't stand staying with me, so I thought, that maybe I could stay at your place until she's gone?" I swallowed.

"Like, you wanna move in with me and Lane?" I asked, trying to understand what she had told me.

"Not permanently of course, but yeah something like that. Just for two weeks anyhow. She's going back home soon." Although the reasons of his questions didn't really make me comfortable, I couldn't help but be excited by the prospect of Jess living with me. I have never really lived with a guy; I mean not even with my Dad. It would be something to get used to, but it definitely was worth an attempt. I cradled Jess's face in my hands and made him turn his head to face me. I leaned forward and whispered.

"I have to talk to Lane, but if she's okay with it then I am okay with it. More than okay actually." Jess smiled and leaned forward, brushing his lips softly against mine.

"Yeah?" He pulled back and looked me in the eye.

"Yeah." I replied and crashed my lips against his, kissing him passionately. When we both pulled back due to the lack of oxygen, he rested his forehead against mine.

"I should have trusted your instinct." Jess apologized. I shook my head slightly.

"No one could have seen that coming; I was jealous back then, so I would have accused her of anything really."

"We're okay?" Jess asked just as our lips were about to touch again. I nodded into the kiss and welcomed the familiar feeling. Maybe, I thought, I should have a talk with Cat. Maybe not, I corrected myself as I felt Jess slip his tongue into my mouth, after all: I won.

**So? What do you think? I wanted to show the trusting bond those two are sharing, but I'm not so sure if I succeeded. Anyhow, I am aware of the fact, that Rory seemed to take this as a competition, but she really does not. She just realized that she didn't need to humiliate Cat even more. Review please and thanks for reading, it means a lot to me. Do you think I should end it here or write a sequel or should I just continue? **


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you so much for your reviews and you are right, this doesn't feel like the end, although I think that the Cat issue should be resolved now, don't you think so?**

**Cila1: Ahh thanks so much for your review. People like you make me wanna continue.**

**I am so so sorry for the delay, but I had to organize my bro´s wedding, which was a blast by the way. Plus I fractured my ankle a week ago, which made me "run" from doctor to doctor, because they couldn't decide if it needed surgery or not. And I finally have my finals coming up and I have been extremely lazy this whole semester, so naturally I need to study my ass off…. (Which might be a funny sight…lol) **

**Rory´s POV:**

"Lane?" I asked slowly, trying to get her attention. We were sitting in our kitchen, both nursing a cup of coffee, updating the other on each other's life. Lane swallowed loudly and put her cup down.

"Yeah?" I was nervous, and although I knew that Lane probably would agree, I was afraid of her answer. I took a deep breath and decided to come right to the point.

"Could Jess move in with us?" Lane gasped soundlessly.

"You're pregnant!" Where the hell did that come from? I shook my head violently, being freaked out even thinking about that. Me? Pregnant? No way. Why would Lane think that?

"What?" I exclaimed a little too loudly for my taste in retrospect and brushed a strand of hair from my forehead. I heard the door to the apartment being opened and closed a second after.

Jess entered the kitchen and looked at us with an unreadable expression on his face. He took in my alerted expression, came over to me and started to rub my shoulders.

"Where's the fire?" he asked lightly and I still couldn't get myself to form coherent thoughts. The thing that bothered me most was that I actually wasn't as appalled by the thought of me being pregnant as I should be. Lane took my loss of words as a sign to answer for me.

"You knocked her up." She said dumbfounded and glared at Jess as if he was the reincarnation of the Anti-Christ. Suddenly Jess's formerly tanned face lacked all color. He was pale as a chalk wall, even his lips seemed to suffer from loss of blood.

"What?" Jess's voice was rusty and barely audible. He totally ignored Lane and stared me down. Suddenly I realized that I had to do something, anything to make this situation less awkward. Then a thought hit me. I should speak up actually, stating the facts here. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. Apparently Lane realized what disaster she had gotten me into and mumbled an apology.

"I'm sorry, I was just so surprised." All of a sudden I was fed up. I threw my hands up and took a deep breath.

"God, I am not pregnant!" I forcefully exclaimed, deep down being disappointed by Jess's reaction. Jess exchanged a worried glance with Lane.

"You're not?" They asked at the same time, Lane's high pitched voice overpowering Jess's low voice.

"Why the hell should I be pregnant?" I stated more than asked and regretted it instantly, because Jess started smirking and even Lane had to suppress a giggle.

"You know, I remember…." Jess started but I cut him off, not joining in the general amusement.

"You wanna see me pee on a stick? That would be proof enough for you?" I angrily exclaimed and stood up, not wanting to be confronted about why I was yelling at them. I didn't know either really. It made me wonder why I was angry at Jess for reacting the way he did. But I didn't care at the moment, because I shot Lane a look that told her that I was severely angry with her and left the kitchen.

I slammed the door to my bedroom shut which was gonna be Jess's bedroom as well for at least two weeks and lay down on the bed, breathing heavily. I wrecked my brain to come up with an explanation of why I was so upset about the whole discussion, that I didn't hear the door open. My head jerked up when I noticed Jess standing next to me. Quickly I wiped my eyes and sat up.

"Hey you, I didn't see you there." Jess just nodded and sat down next to me on the bed, not saying a word, which made the tension in the room even more unbearable. I heard Lane leaving the apartment; I heard our neighbor in his bathroom which was directly located next to my bedroom and I caught myself wondering about the fact if he was wearing briefs or boxers. The toilet flush from across the wall brought me back from my delusional state and I shook my head violently, as if I was scared that Jess could actually read my thoughts, which by the way were totally not helping. I looked up and saw Jess starring and me with that intense gaze of his; his jaw clenched. Finally he broke the silence.

"Anything you wanna tell me, Ror?" I loved the way he said "Ror´"; it always made me feel special, although I don't really know why. I shook my head and took his hands in mine.

"Hormones." I teased as I squeezed his hand. His head shot up and he glared at me.

"Huh?" Back to Mr. Monosyllabic whenever being faced with a challenge. I withdrew my hand and got up.

"Breathe, Jess. I was kidding. Boy, you look pale." Jess exhaled loudly and got up as well, following me around the room. (I had started pacing) I took a deep breath, stopping in front of the mirror, looking at his reflection, my eyes still glued to the mirror.

"What if I was?" I asked almost inaudibly, but I knew that Jess had heard it and knew exactly what I was referring to. Jess scratched his head and took a deep breath, and then he proceeded to lock his eyes with mine through the mirror. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I'd start saving money, I guess." He smirked at me.

"To buy a plane ticket to California?" I teased, suddenly feeling more secure. Jess shook his head.

"Nah wouldn't want my kid to be manipulated by your book choices." I laughed out loud, feeling deliberated.

"Yeah, this and the fact that Luke would kill you. Not to mention my mother, and Lane and maybe even my father, I guess even my Grandfather would go after you." Nonchalantly Jess shook his head.

"Nope, he'd hire an assassin. He wouldn't want to get his hands dirty." I giggled and turned around only to be welcomed by Jess's strong arms. He wrapped his arms around my waist tightly and started nibbling on my neck. I gasped as he bit the particular spot behind my earlobe. I buried my face in his chest and inhaled his scent deeply.

"Let's wait with that. Deal?" I felt Jess chuckle as his chest moved up and down.

He let out a deep breath.

"Oh God, please." I giggled and lifted my head to kiss his Adam's apple.

"Doesn't mean, we can't practice, huh?" Jess let out a sound that sounded like a mixture of a chuckle and a relieved sigh and pulled me closer, his hands driving lazy circles on my back under my shirt.

"Shouldn't that be my line?" He raised an eyebrow. I decided to be brave.

"I want you!" I stated silently. "Now!" I added as an afterthought as I felt Jess tense under my touch.

"As you wish." He replied soberly, apparently having recovered quickly from my forceful demand. He picked me up and carried me to the bed. I giggled all the way and tried to grab Jess's face but he wouldn't let me touch him. He placed my on the bed gently on my back and hovered over me. He held my wrist above my head and I could fight him as much as I wanted, I couldn't win in the situation. He trailed kisses down my face, to my neck and finally sucked on my collar bones. I let out a frustrated groan as I fought with him to let me touch him. Jess shook his head.

"Let me do my magic!" he stated calmly as he bended down and kissed my still clothed stomach. I could feel my muscles tense under his touch and I decided to stop fighting him. As Jess realized that I actually was starting to relax under his hands he looked up at me and smirked.

"If I let go off your hands now, do you promise not to move?" I hesitated, so Jess tightened his hold on my wrists and kissed me fully on the mouth. His tongue begged for entrance which I happily allowed. I didn't know what came over me, but it felt as if this was the first time for us. The tension was palpable in the room as our breathing became more erratic. Finally I nodded, wanting him more than ever.

"I promise. I do, but please, Jess, stop teasing me here." Jess pulled back a little and looked at me with mock surprise visible on his face.

"You think this is teasing?" I nodded exhausted. He unbuttoned my shirt slowly, exposing my bare skin to his eyes. With every button undone and every inch of skin that was shown, he kissed the freshly exposed flesh, slowly; delicately. When my shirt finally fell down my shoulders the only thing I could think of was that he was driving me crazy.

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"I never thought, I'd be so blunt, but wow, this was incredible." I said after my breathing had started to calm down. I could hear Jess chuckle next to me on the bed, his legs tangled with mine, the sheets that had gotten in the way at some point, lay forgotten on the floor.

"Glad you had a great time." He stated nonchalantly and wrapped one of his arms around me and at the same time throwing the blanket over us as I snuggled closer. He kissed my forehead lovingly and tightened his hold on me.

"Post-coital cuddling? You old softy." I softly whispered in his ear. Jess leaned over and replied almost inaudibly.

"Wasn't so soft half an hour ago, huh?" I blushed at his words, remembering the sex we just had had. The thing that amazed me most about having sex with Jess was the fact that he exactly knew when to be gentle and when he actually should just have his way with me; He always made sure though that he wouldn't abandon my physical needs. Jess had read my Cosmo a couple of weeks ago, and he still hadn't digested the fact that apparently women didn't exactly always come to an appropriate end when having sex. I chuckled at the thought and closed my eyes, just enjoying Jess's bare skin on mine.

"Hey Jess?" I mumbled sleepily, exhausted from earlier events.

"Yeah?" Jess opened one of his eyes slowly and shot me a questioning look.

"I love you." Jess smirked at me, but I could feel that he was getting emotional by the way he avoided my eyes.

"Well, who wouldn't love me after what I just did?" I slapped him playfully on the chest and decided not to reply. I looked up at the ceiling and thought about this day's events. I could hear Jess regular breathing next to me and I smiled as I buried my face into his chest, biting him softly. I could have squealed right then. I took the sheet between my teeth and bit it tightly, because I needed physical compensation for my emotional rollercoaster tour. Just when I thought he had finally drifted off to sleep and heard him mumble.

"Love you, Ror´." Tears ran down my cheek as I thought that maybe he was the one. No, not maybe; definitely.

"And" he added, almost as an afterthought. " I saw him last week when he got the paper. He wears boxers."

**Okay, I have to admit, I don't like this chapter, I don't know, but I am just glad that I finally updated. I feel really bad for having abandoned this story for such a long amount of time. Now, I ask you to review, I'd really appreciate it, even though I know that most of you will be as disappointed by the chapter as I am. Thanks for taking the time to read it. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Wow, thank you so much for your reviews, I am actually overwhelmed that I received 20 reviews for one single chapter; you guys are actually the greatest. You are amazing! Do I need to go on praising you? Let me know if you have any suggestions on where to go with this story, because I'm kinda stuck. I don't know, I don't want to drag this on, but on the other hand there are so many things that have yet to be told. I don't know what to do. But please keep in mind, this is a Literati and whatever may happen between those two, they will end up together! **

**Lee: you always make me laugh, and I really appreciate your loyal comments, and congrats on the promotion! **

**MiloManic: Wow, thank you so much for your review. You made my day! **

**j3susbl00d: I hope, i got the name right! your review actually made me smile for days. It means a lot to me that you think the story is good, but i think the train has passed! Milo´s not coming back! **

**Bru Cardoso: Well, what can I say? You were the first author i put on my fav. list and the fact that you read this, is unbelievable. For all of you who haven´t read Bru´s stories, do it now! It will be totally worth it! She is amazing! **

**PamHalliwell: What can I say about one of my most loyal reviewer? I wish i could make it up to you, because your comments make me sit down and start typing!**

**xxxLotxxx: My ankle is doing better thank you!Actually today was my first day without crutches and i feel like a new person! Thank you for your loyal comments. You are great! **

**Ginny Clone: I am really honored that you read this! thanks for your review! **

**Rory´s POV: **

Riiiiiiiiiing, Riiiiiiiiiiiiing. I groaned as the telephone started ringing! For a split second I panicked, thinking that I had overslept, but when I heard Jess's incoherent mumbling next to me and after a reassuring look at my alarm clock I finally grasped the fact that it was still in the middle of the night. Who would be calling me that late, well early actually. Again I sensed panic rising in my chest as I expected the worst scenario. I pictured my mom lying in a hospital bed, Luke outside in the waiting area trying to call me desperately. Jess on the other hand felt nothing but interrupted in his well needed sleep as he tightened his grip on my waist and told me to go back to sleep. By then I was wide awake, but I had yet to get my body moving. _Pick up the phone, pick up the phone, _my mind was telling me, while Jess repeated his former comment. I turned around and pinched Jess in the chest softly.

"Jess, wake up. Maybe it's important, and I don't wanna pick it up, because I am scared of who may be on the other line. What if something happened to my mom or Luke? I mean, you see it all the time in the movies. People get called in the middle of the night and that means something terrible must have happened, and I don't want anything terrible to…." I took a deep breath and continued with my ranting.

"Please Jess, just pick it up. You are the more stable one in this relationship and I believe you wouldn't want me to faint, right? Because then you would have to carry me, and let me tell you, I ate a lot today." I sighed as I noticed that Jess had popped his eyes open. I locked my eyes with him and silently convinced him to help me out of my agony.

He rubbed his eyes and mumbled something under his breath that sounded like,

"Jeez, breathe, Ror´." But at the same time noticed that Jess was getting irritated as well.

He reached over me and took the phone from the nightstand.

"Lo?" He sleepily greeted whoever was on the other line. He then proceeded to nod a couple of times and said some " yeah´s" and "sure´s" and finally handed me the phone. At that moment I was sure that he would be jumping off the bed, telling me to grab my stuff and that we had to go down to the hospital.

"It's your mom, and I have absolutely no idea what she's babbling about. Have fun!" He smirked at me and gave me a quick kiss on my nose before he snuggled back into his pillow, covering his head with the blanket as if he wanted to block out the world around him.

Shaking I took the phone from his hands and feared the worst.

"Mom?" I asked almost inaudibly. Apparently Mom took this as a sign that she could start rambling.

"Oh favorite daughter of mine. I am so glad that you are home." I nodded sarcastically and glanced at the clock on the wall. 3:45 am. Where else should I be?

"So, I was watching _Sleepless in Seattle _tonight, you know the scene where she hides in the closet with her phone when it hit me. Bang! I am getting married in a month and I am not prepared. Not. At. All. So I went to sleep, because you know me, whenever things get tough I try to sleep them out, but I woke up every couple of minutes and started leaving messages on our answering machine, you know the same way I did when I was opening the Inn? "I decided not to tell her that I had actually no idea of what she was talking about. And the fact that I still didn't have a clue what Sleepless in Seattle had to do with all of this, was bothering me too somehow.

"Anyhow," she continued in a speed that made my head dizzy.

"Luke got pissed along the way, because naturally our phone wouldn't stop ringing, because I called our house line from my cell, so he suddenly got up and unplugged the phone, now he's downstairs, sleeping on the couch. Ah you should see this, it's adorable. He's lying there, the phone cord tightly clutched to his chest. If I wasn't that mad at him for unplugging the phone, I'd join him on the couch, but well, that's not the point. The point is, that I am getting married and I am freaking out and I needed to get this all off my chest. So, what do you say? "

Mom took a deep breath and waited for my opinion on these aspects. I looked at Jess's sleeping form and sighed. Sometimes I wish I had a sane mother. I swallowed, trying to wet my mouth as I wrecked my brain to come up with something to say.

"Huh!" I did not just say that! I heard Mom chuckle on the other line and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"You know, I think this is a really bad time to transform into Jess, honey!" I shook my head.

"Mom, it's in the middle of the night and you just totally took me by surprise. I don't know what to say, but how about we discuss this all at, well how do I put this? At a more human time?" Mom started fake sobbing.

"Ah, my baby already abandons me, although I squeezed her out of my…"

"Mom, please don't finish this sentence! I'm begging you here!" I exhaled loudly and continued.

"Mom, how about Jess and I come to Stars Hollow tomorrow? It's Friday, and then we have the whole weekend to discuss things, deal?" I heard a clicking sound on the other line and I imagined that this would be my mom's earrings banging against the phone.

"I know there was a reason I gave life to you." I chuckled and lay back down, subconsciously taking Jess's arms to put it around my waist. (Where it belonged)

"See you tomorrow, Mom. I love you."

"Love you, too! Sleep tight. I hope I didn't wake you up." With that the line went dead and sighing I snuggled deeper into Jess's sleepily warm body.

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"Okay, I might have been dreaming all this, but did you mother call in the middle of the night?" Jess was standing in front of the bed, his hair still wet from the shower while he was shaving his face. I pulled the blanket over my head and groaned.

"Yeah, that's why I couldn't get back to sleep and now I am tired." Jess chuckled and threw his towel at me.

"You're always tired!" Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and took a closer look at his razor.

"Rory?" He asked in a stern voice. I knew what was about to come.

"Yeah?" I sweetly replied and appeared from underneath my fort.

"Did you use my razor again? It's blunt!"

"Maybe?" Jess raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe?" I nodded and took my hands up in surrender.

"Well, what can I say, I didn't have any razorblades left and I needed to shave my legs so badly, so I took the easiest way out. Plus, you know, it's for your pleasure as well." I smiled what I thought was pretty seductively.

"And I like you facial hair, you don't need to shave on daily basis." Jess smirked at me and went back to the bathroom where I could hear him wash his face off the shaving cream.

When he entered the bedroom again I decided to drop the former subject and get back to the subject at hand.

"Mom was freaking out about the wedding, and well, that's why we're going to Stars Hollow today." Jess glared at me with wide eyes.

"Did you just say "we"?" I nodded and stuck out my tongue.

"Why do I have to go as well? She's your mom." I sighed dramatically and got up slowly, taking the blanket with me, because I was just not ready to leave my warm cocoon.

"Because you would miss me too much?" Jess shook his head, smirking.

"Nice. Try again!" He came over to me and leaned down, locking his eyes with mine.

"Because I would miss you too much?" Jess leaned down even further and I was already feeling the sensation of his lips on mine, but instead of kissing me he whispered in my ear.

"Exactly." I laughed out loud and grabbed the collar of his shirt.

"Kiss me already?" Jess happily obliged and kissed me deeply. When he finally pulled back he rolled his eyes and said:

"You depend on me too much!" I raised an eyebrow.

"That's a bad thing how?" Jess looked at me for the longest time and finally replied huskily.

"Not a bad thing at all." I smirked and got up from the bed.

"Now, go away, I need to take a shower." I wrapped his towel around my body and made my way to the bathroom, all the way to the aforementioned destination I was feeling Jess's eyes roaming my body.

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"Mom!" I exclaimed happily and jumped out of the still running car. I ran up to my mom on the sidewalk and hugged her really tightly.

"Rory, I am so glad you are here! Luke is simply no help at all. He's giving me the silent treatment all day." She pouted dramatically and I wondered silently how a man could actually resist this pout.

"Hey Lorelai." Jess greeted my mom and to my surprise, mom went over to him and hugged him. If I had been surprised that wouldn't even come near to the expression Jess had on his face. Total horror, but despite his uncomfortable feeling, he patted mom's back and returned the hug halfheartedly. Mom pulled away and looked embarrassed.

"That didn't happen!" she glared at Jess and he smirked slightly.

"Well, what can I say? The Gilmore Girls simply can't resist my charm. I am sorry, Rory. I didn't want you to find out like this, but your mom simply doesn't have any self-control!"

"Smartass!" Was my mom's comment on that as she turned around on her heels on her way to the diner. I went over to Jess and took his hand into mine. Beaming I told him:

"Ah, you're growing on her. Something all the other guys didn't quite achieve although I have been longer with them." Jess wrinkled his forehead and looked at me while we were entering the diner.

"All the other guys, huh?" I grabbed a donut from the counter and sat down next to Jess. Happily I took a bite before replying.

"Oh yeah, at first she loved Dean, this deep affection fainted along the way naturally, because let's face it, She wasn't too fond of him at the end. Then I dated a couple of guys, she really didn't like, but she tolerated it, because and I quote "every girl needs a bad boy once in a while". Todd, on the other hand, oh my, you should have seen her face when she first met him. It nearly screamed, Rory what are you doing? It all went downhill by the time I started dating Logan, who she hated with a passion!" I swallowed and took in Jess's expression. It went from open mouthed to wide eyes to sheer disgust.

"When the hell did we start talking about our ex´s?" Jess asked me accusingly. I tilted my head to one side and noticed that Jess was clutching his cup of coffee pretty tightly.

"Don't know? A couple of minutes ago?" I didn't know what came over me, but since this whole Cat fiasco, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I nearly didn't know anything about Jess's past relationships. Clearly, it wasn't the best time, well even location to bring this up, but it just left my mouth without really having considered the consequences. It had hit me a couple of nights ago, when I had been thinking that maybe Jess could be the one, that I had come to the conclusion, that we both deserved to know what had happened in our lives concerning significant others before the two of us had met.

"Rory? Didn't take your pills this morning?" Although I expected a sarcastic comment from Jess, it stung, because the minute I brought it up, Jess's defense walls had been up.

"No, I took the white one, and the pink one, but now that I think about it, I think I forgot the blue one. I always confuse them. Was the blue one the one to make those voices go away or was it the white one?" Jess sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

"You want to do this now? And why? There's really no need to discuss this, is there?" I shook my head, still munching my donut.

"This place is as good as any, and yes I think we need to talk about this." Jess rubbed the back of his nose and dropped his head.

"Why is it that you always have to bring up the complicated things when we are actually good? Why don't you just bring this up when we're already fighting? Spares us from yet another fight, because we already would be fighting." Jess's logic actually made no sense to me.

"What makes you think that this is gonna end up in a fight?" I asked my voice full of confusion.

"Couples need to talk about that kind of stuff." I continued as if I just had finished a Dr. Phil book.

"But why now? Why here?" Jess looked at me with half closed eyes, as if he wanted to avoid direct contact.

"Why not?" Very mature, Rory! But I couldn't help it.

"Luke does know everything about Mom's past relationships." Jess head shot up.

"Because he was right there, Rory!" Well, Jess had a point.

"Dave knows all about Lane's past relationships!" I stated happily, trying to make a point.

"Because she hadn't been in a relationship before Dave, because, well Henry really doesn't count!" I couldn't help but smile at the tiny details Jess remembered. Like Henry.

"Reader's digest version?" Jess suddenly asked, apparently tired of arguing about this subject.

I nodded and took his hand into mine. I shot a glance at my mom who was sitting at the counter, talking with someone or the other on her cell phone.

"Okay, Clara, when I was fifteen. My mother never met her. Diana, when I was fifteen, my mother never met her. I think then there are a couple of girls I don't even remember clearly, but my mother never met them either. First real relationship: Madelen, she was Swedish. We lasted about six months; my mother met her once, but couldn't remember because she was stoned at the time. Shall I go on?" I sat there and stared at Jess. It's not that I expected him to be innocent, but he was reciting his story as if it didn't mean a thing to him. I decided to be brave.

"Jess, that sounds cold, as if they didn't even mean a thing to you." He shrugged his shoulders and replied.

"Maybe they never did mean a thing to me?" He asked, but it was more a statement than a question.

"Did you know that Dean broke up with me because I wouldn't tell him that I loved him?" Jess shook his head.

"Yeah, the funny thing is that now in retrospect he was my first love. You know the teenaged kind of way. And after our second breakup, I think we just wanted to make it work again, sadly I broke up his marriage along the way." Jess interjected.

"You can't break up a functional relationship. It takes two to tango!" I nodded slightly. Here I was sitting with my serious boyfriend, who I was living with at the moment, talking about past relationships, and it was that very moment that it occurred to me that Jess was more than my boyfriend, he was my friend. Although I could tell that he felt uncomfortable discussing these things with me, he did it for me. He sacrificed a part of him. For me. I squeezed his hand softly and leaned in to peck him on the lips.

"Interrogation over?" He asked relieved. I nodded and rested my hands on his chest.

"For now at least!" Jess sighed heavily but proceeded to kiss the crown of my head.

"Glad we had the talk then, now come on. Didn't you want to talk to your mom? I'm gonna go look for Luke." He stood up and went behind the counter and up the stairs. Smiling I made my way over to the counter and greeted Caesar who was covering for Luke apparently.

"Hey mom?" Mom closed her cell and took a deep breath.

"The flowers are ordered. The dress is hanging in my closet, the invitations are sent out and I asked Sookie to cater for us. Check, check, check, check!" I laughed and wrapped my arms around her.

"So, what do you need me for?" I chuckled.

"You, beautiful daughter of mine, need to keep me sane." Apparently Jess had heard the last comment as he descended the stairs, Luke trailing behind him.

"Yeah, right! Good luck with that!" I glared at Jess and overdramatically placed a hand over my heart. Mom started giggling as she approached Luke to greet him.

"Hey grumpy! You okay?" Luke smiled slightly, and gave her a quick kiss, still not comfortable with public displays of affection.

"Tired, but okay. But the phone stays unplugged!" He replied in a stern voice. Mom saluted:

"Yes, Sir!" Now it was my turn to giggle and I shot Jess a look that said: Oh no, we are not sleeping in the same house as them! We started chatting about unimportant things and the more we talked the more I enjoyed the atmosphere that was growing between us. We were a family and even Jess actually participated in the conversation, even sometimes not by throwing in sarcastic remarks. The bell above the door interrupted our gathering and announced a new customer. Instantly I turned around to see who dared to interfere in this family reunion, but what I saw actually made my jaw drop. Mom who had turned around as well, tensed up; Luke had gone into the storage room to get some more coffee but when he reemerged his jaw dropped as well. The only one totally unaffected by this customer was Jess, who just was surprised by our behavior. He leaned close to me and asked:

"Who's that?" No, not now. Why does he always appear when things are actually working well for us? Three voices interrupted the sudden silence in the diner : Luke's, Mom's and mine:

"Dad!"

"Chris"

"Christopher!" And no one in the diner could actually have guessed who the most affected one by this surprise visitor was.

**I am evil, I know! Cliffhanger, my first actually in this story. Why don't you tell me what you think? Thanks for taking the time and please don't forget to drop a note! Thank you! **


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